1
00:00:01,390 --> 00:00:03,928
[♪ Marvel Studios fanfare playing]
2
00:00:23,679 --> 00:00:25,715
[Deadpool scatting along]
♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪
3
00:00:25,748 --> 00:00:28,251
♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪
4
00:00:28,285 --> 00:00:30,086
♪ Tan tan ta ♪
5
00:00:30,119 --> 00:00:31,453
♪ Tan tan tan tan ♪
6
00:00:31,486 --> 00:00:32,856
♪ Tan tan ta tan ♪
7
00:00:32,889 --> 00:00:34,457
- ♪ Tan tan tan tan! ♪
- [♪ fanfare concludes]
8
00:00:34,490 --> 00:00:37,759
[laughs] That logo music
just gets you pumped.
9
00:00:37,793 --> 00:00:39,394
- [♪ gentle music playing]
- Right?
10
00:00:39,428 --> 00:00:42,497
I'm sorry. I just, I'm excited
to be here. It's been a while.
11
00:00:42,531 --> 00:00:43,665
You know, for a long time,
12
00:00:43,699 --> 00:00:45,500
I wasn't sure I'd ever be back.
13
00:00:45,535 --> 00:00:46,669
Disney bought Fox,
14
00:00:46,703 --> 00:00:48,370
there was a whole
boring rights issue,
15
00:00:48,404 --> 00:00:49,539
blabbity-blabbity-blah.
16
00:00:49,572 --> 00:00:52,474
But then, it turned out,
they wanted me.
17
00:00:52,507 --> 00:00:55,145
The one guy who shouldn't
even have his own movie,
18
00:00:55,179 --> 00:00:56,679
much less a franchise.
19
00:00:56,713 --> 00:00:59,950
[laughs] Marvel's so stupid.
20
00:00:59,984 --> 00:01:01,886
Look, we know the title
of this thing.
21
00:01:01,919 --> 00:01:03,685
So, I know
what you're wondering.
22
00:01:03,719 --> 00:01:04,854
How are we gonna do this
23
00:01:04,888 --> 00:01:08,258
without dishonoring
Logan's memory?
24
00:01:08,291 --> 00:01:09,659
And I'll tell you how.
25
00:01:10,425 --> 00:01:11,660
We're not.
26
00:01:11,693 --> 00:01:13,395
[♪ romantic music plays,
The Platters "Only You"]
27
00:01:13,428 --> 00:01:15,531
I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.
28
00:01:15,565 --> 00:01:17,867
Wolverine is not dead.
29
00:01:17,901 --> 00:01:21,138
Sure, it made for a perfect
ending to a very sad story.
30
00:01:21,171 --> 00:01:22,238
But that's not how
31
00:01:22,272 --> 00:01:24,473
regenerative healing
factors work.
32
00:01:24,506 --> 00:01:25,741
You think I wanna be out here
33
00:01:25,774 --> 00:01:27,878
in beautiful downtown
North Dakota,
34
00:01:27,912 --> 00:01:31,114
digging up the one and only
Wolverine? No, thank you.
35
00:01:31,147 --> 00:01:33,715
But the fate of
my entire world is at stake.
36
00:01:33,749 --> 00:01:35,218
He may not
be living his best life,
37
00:01:35,250 --> 00:01:37,553
but he sure as hell ain't
38
00:01:37,587 --> 00:01:39,188
- dead.
- [metal clanks]
39
00:01:42,091 --> 00:01:43,592
[crow cawing in distance]
40
00:01:44,127 --> 00:01:45,128
Bingo.
41
00:01:45,963 --> 00:01:46,964
Yahtzee.
42
00:01:48,265 --> 00:01:49,464
[sighs]
43
00:01:50,199 --> 00:01:53,102
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
44
00:01:56,773 --> 00:01:57,774
Damn it!
45
00:01:58,641 --> 00:02:01,543
- Son of a bitch!
- [metal clangs]
46
00:02:03,179 --> 00:02:04,680
You...
47
00:02:04,713 --> 00:02:06,582
- [shovel snaps]
- [yelling]
48
00:02:06,616 --> 00:02:09,920
Christ. Motherfucker!
49
00:02:09,954 --> 00:02:11,586
- My world is fuck...
- [♪ song stops]
50
00:02:11,620 --> 00:02:14,523
[laughs, snorts]
That was weird.
51
00:02:14,555 --> 00:02:15,791
I'm much calmer now.
52
00:02:15,825 --> 00:02:17,293
[♪ The Platter "Only You"
resumes playing]
53
00:02:17,327 --> 00:02:20,229
Look, I'm not a man of science.
54
00:02:20,263 --> 00:02:23,266
But you seem
incredibly passed away.
55
00:02:23,298 --> 00:02:24,800
[flies buzzing]
56
00:02:25,435 --> 00:02:26,568
[sighs]
57
00:02:26,601 --> 00:02:28,138
But it's good to see ya.
58
00:02:28,172 --> 00:02:31,407
I gotta be honest, I've always
wanted to ride with you, Log.
59
00:02:31,441 --> 00:02:32,741
You and me getting into it.
60
00:02:32,774 --> 00:02:36,510
Deadpool and Wolverine
just fuckin' shit up.
61
00:02:36,544 --> 00:02:39,514
Can you imagine the fun,
the chaos...
62
00:02:40,016 --> 00:02:41,017
the residuals?
63
00:02:41,951 --> 00:02:43,219
[in Australian accent]
"G'day, mate.
64
00:02:43,252 --> 00:02:45,187
"There's nothing that'll
bring me back to life faster
65
00:02:45,220 --> 00:02:48,024
"than a big bag
of Marvel cash."
66
00:02:48,057 --> 00:02:50,625
[chuckles, in normal tone]
Me too, Hugh.
67
00:02:51,228 --> 00:02:54,163
But, no. No, no, no.
68
00:02:54,197 --> 00:02:58,068
[groans] You had to get
all noble and die for real.
69
00:02:58,102 --> 00:02:59,870
Goddamn it!
70
00:03:01,437 --> 00:03:03,705
I could really use
your help right now.
71
00:03:04,473 --> 00:03:06,009
[electrical whirring]
72
00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:13,148
[♪ tense music playing]
73
00:03:14,516 --> 00:03:15,716
Wait!
74
00:03:16,650 --> 00:03:18,454
I'm warning you, I'm not alone.
75
00:03:18,488 --> 00:03:20,689
Wade Winston Wilson,
76
00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:23,192
you are under arrest by
the Time Variance Authority...
77
00:03:23,226 --> 00:03:24,260
[Deadpool sniffs] Oof.
78
00:03:24,293 --> 00:03:25,593
...for too many crimes
to list.
79
00:03:25,626 --> 00:03:26,829
- Come out...
- [Deadpool groans]
80
00:03:26,863 --> 00:03:28,131
...and we'll extend you
the courtesy
81
00:03:28,164 --> 00:03:30,400
- of taking you in one piece.
- Death by day-player.
82
00:03:30,433 --> 00:03:31,666
Last chance.
83
00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:32,935
Throw out your weapons
84
00:03:32,969 --> 00:03:34,937
- and come out peacefully.
- [Deadpool sighs]
85
00:03:34,970 --> 00:03:36,838
[Deadpool] I'm not gonna
give you my weapons,
86
00:03:36,872 --> 00:03:40,009
but I promise not to use them.
87
00:03:40,043 --> 00:03:42,844
There are two hundred and six
bones in the human body.
88
00:03:42,878 --> 00:03:45,014
Two hundred and seven
if I'm watching Gossip Girl.
89
00:03:45,048 --> 00:03:46,314
[♪ pop music playing,
*NSYNC "Bye Bye Bye"]
90
00:03:46,348 --> 00:03:48,150
- Here we go. Maximum effort.
- ♪ Hey, hey ♪
91
00:03:48,183 --> 00:03:49,252
[♪ song stops]
92
00:03:53,321 --> 00:03:55,391
- ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
93
00:03:55,425 --> 00:03:56,591
Okay, peanut.
94
00:03:56,625 --> 00:03:58,226
Guess we're getting
that team-up after all.
95
00:03:59,929 --> 00:04:01,964
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
96
00:04:06,135 --> 00:04:06,969
[grunts]
97
00:04:07,003 --> 00:04:09,472
♪ I'm doing this tonight ♪
98
00:04:09,505 --> 00:04:11,407
♪ You're probably gonna
start a fight ♪
99
00:04:11,441 --> 00:04:12,475
[screaming]
100
00:04:12,508 --> 00:04:14,877
♪ I know this can't be right ♪
101
00:04:14,911 --> 00:04:17,812
♪ Hey, baby, come on ♪
102
00:04:17,846 --> 00:04:20,516
♪ I loved you endlessly ♪
103
00:04:20,550 --> 00:04:23,185
♪ When you weren't
there for me ♪
104
00:04:23,219 --> 00:04:28,924
♪ So now it's time to leave
and make it alone ♪
105
00:04:28,958 --> 00:04:31,094
♪ I know that
I can't take no more ♪
106
00:04:31,127 --> 00:04:32,128
[smooches]
107
00:04:33,062 --> 00:04:34,463
[exhales]
108
00:04:34,496 --> 00:04:37,299
♪ I wanna see you
out that door ♪
109
00:04:37,332 --> 00:04:39,601
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
110
00:04:39,633 --> 00:04:41,770
♪ Don't wanna be
a fool for you ♪
111
00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:45,308
♪ Just another player
in your game for two ♪
112
00:04:45,341 --> 00:04:48,776
♪ You may hate me,
but it ain't no lie ♪
113
00:04:48,809 --> 00:04:50,913
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
114
00:04:50,947 --> 00:04:53,149
♪ Don't really wanna
make it tough ♪
115
00:04:53,182 --> 00:04:56,251
♪ I just wanna tell you
that I've had enough ♪
116
00:04:56,284 --> 00:04:59,753
♪ It might sound crazy,
but it ain't no lie ♪
117
00:04:59,787 --> 00:05:02,724
♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
118
00:05:03,725 --> 00:05:06,328
♪ Just hit me with the truth ♪
119
00:05:06,362 --> 00:05:08,263
♪ Now, girl, you're more
than welcome to ♪
120
00:05:08,297 --> 00:05:10,165
Maradona from outside the box!
121
00:05:10,533 --> 00:05:13,436
Goal!
122
00:05:13,469 --> 00:05:14,802
♪ Baby, come on ♪
123
00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:18,073
♪ I know that
I can't take no more ♪
124
00:05:18,106 --> 00:05:20,175
- ♪ It ain't no lie ♪
- [both yelling]
125
00:05:20,208 --> 00:05:23,345
♪ I wanna see you
out that door ♪
126
00:05:23,378 --> 00:05:25,714
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
127
00:05:25,747 --> 00:05:27,949
♪ Don't wanna be
a fool for you ♪
128
00:05:27,983 --> 00:05:31,287
♪ Just another player
in your game for two ♪
129
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,490
♪ You may hate me,
but it ain't no lie ♪
130
00:05:34,524 --> 00:05:36,892
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
131
00:05:36,925 --> 00:05:39,094
♪ Don't really wanna
make it tough ♪
132
00:05:39,127 --> 00:05:42,298
♪ I just wanna tell you
that I had enough ♪
133
00:05:42,331 --> 00:05:45,700
♪ Might sound crazy,
but it ain't no lie ♪
134
00:05:45,734 --> 00:05:48,303
♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
135
00:05:51,740 --> 00:05:55,043
♪ I don't wanna be your fool ♪
136
00:05:55,076 --> 00:05:57,745
♪ In this game for two ♪
137
00:05:57,778 --> 00:06:00,315
♪ So I'm leavin' you behind ♪
138
00:06:00,348 --> 00:06:02,051
Come on, big fella.
139
00:06:02,084 --> 00:06:03,852
♪ Bye, bye, bye, yeah ♪
140
00:06:03,885 --> 00:06:06,421
♪ I don't wanna
make it tough ♪
141
00:06:06,454 --> 00:06:08,924
♪ But I've had enough ♪
142
00:06:08,957 --> 00:06:12,195
- ♪ And it ain't no lie ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
143
00:06:12,228 --> 00:06:13,195
♪ Baby ♪
144
00:06:13,228 --> 00:06:15,197
♪ Don't wanna be
a fool for you ♪
145
00:06:15,230 --> 00:06:17,165
♪ Just another player
in your game for two ♪
146
00:06:17,199 --> 00:06:21,970
♪ I don't wanna be your fool,
but it ain't no lie ♪
147
00:06:22,003 --> 00:06:24,273
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
148
00:06:24,307 --> 00:06:26,142
♪ Don't really wanna
make it tough ♪
149
00:06:26,175 --> 00:06:29,810
♪ I just wanna tell you
that I had enough ♪
150
00:06:29,844 --> 00:06:33,281
♪ Might sound crazy,
but it ain't no lie ♪
151
00:06:33,315 --> 00:06:35,618
- ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
152
00:06:35,651 --> 00:06:37,486
- [♪ song ends]
- [gasps dramatically]
153
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,888
[♪ operatic music playing]
154
00:06:40,655 --> 00:06:43,191
I am soaking wet right now.
155
00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,195
[roars]
156
00:06:46,229 --> 00:06:48,296
To be clear, I'm not proud
of any of this.
157
00:06:48,330 --> 00:06:51,433
The wanton violence,
the whiff of necrophilia.
158
00:06:51,466 --> 00:06:52,567
It isn't who I am.
159
00:06:52,601 --> 00:06:54,170
It isn't who I wanna be.
160
00:06:54,202 --> 00:06:55,237
Who I wanna be?
161
00:06:55,270 --> 00:06:57,305
Well, to help you
understand that,
162
00:06:57,339 --> 00:06:58,373
I've gotta take you back.
163
00:06:58,406 --> 00:07:01,076
A little joyride I took
through space and time,
164
00:07:01,109 --> 00:07:04,045
to the day
that changed everything.
165
00:07:04,079 --> 00:07:06,181
[♪ uptempo music building]
166
00:07:13,455 --> 00:07:14,890
[♪ music fades out]
167
00:07:15,825 --> 00:07:17,659
I can't believe
I'm finally here.
168
00:07:17,692 --> 00:07:20,394
I've waited for this moment
for so long.
169
00:07:21,596 --> 00:07:23,965
Thank you, sir, for seeing me.
170
00:07:24,734 --> 00:07:26,767
I... I firmly believe
171
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,136
that my services could be of
172
00:07:28,169 --> 00:07:30,137
great use to your organization.
173
00:07:30,170 --> 00:07:31,339
Now, I know
174
00:07:31,373 --> 00:07:33,642
I was caught smashturbating
in the lobby of Stark Tower,
175
00:07:33,675 --> 00:07:34,943
- but I can assure you that...
- Smashturbating?
176
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:36,278
I'm sorry, what...
what was that?
177
00:07:36,311 --> 00:07:39,779
No, I'm sorry. That...
That's when you get those toy,
178
00:07:39,813 --> 00:07:41,082
Hulk hands, right?
179
00:07:41,116 --> 00:07:43,785
And then you just, you look
down, and you just...
180
00:07:43,818 --> 00:07:46,388
you brace yourself,
and you ravage the midsection.
181
00:07:46,421 --> 00:07:48,123
- Pinch the... Yeah. Okay.
- I get it. Okay, thank you.
182
00:07:48,156 --> 00:07:50,058
- The picture's painted.
- You get the gist.
183
00:07:50,091 --> 00:07:52,527
Uh, what exactly
brings you here today?
184
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:55,730
Why am I... Wow. Okay. Uh...
185
00:07:55,764 --> 00:07:57,265
I... I care.
186
00:07:57,299 --> 00:08:00,235
I know I turn everything
into a joke, but I...
187
00:08:02,103 --> 00:08:05,006
I care, and I wanna use
that feeling...
188
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,243
for something important.
189
00:08:08,276 --> 00:08:09,577
I... I wanna matter.
190
00:08:09,611 --> 00:08:12,246
[♪ solemn music playing]
191
00:08:12,279 --> 00:08:14,248
I need to show my girl
that I matter.
192
00:08:15,550 --> 00:08:17,052
And...
193
00:08:17,085 --> 00:08:18,353
You know,
I feel like I'm wasting
194
00:08:18,386 --> 00:08:19,220
the good stuff here.
195
00:08:19,254 --> 00:08:20,788
Is the man not gonna
be joining us?
196
00:08:20,820 --> 00:08:21,855
- The man?
- Yeah.
197
00:08:21,889 --> 00:08:24,025
I should save this
if he's gonna...
198
00:08:24,059 --> 00:08:26,061
Uh, as far as you're concerned
right now, I'm the man.
199
00:08:26,094 --> 00:08:27,728
- No.
- The man is me.
200
00:08:27,762 --> 00:08:30,732
I am the man
in this circumstance.
201
00:08:30,765 --> 00:08:31,966
- Mm.
- He doesn't do
202
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,568
this kind of thing anymore.
203
00:08:33,601 --> 00:08:34,636
- Cameos?
- Meetings.
204
00:08:34,668 --> 00:08:36,304
- Meetings.
- Entry-level meetings.
205
00:08:36,338 --> 00:08:37,172
Entry-level?
206
00:08:37,205 --> 00:08:39,206
Aren't you the chauffeur...
207
00:08:39,239 --> 00:08:41,509
- maybe?
- I... Common misconception.
208
00:08:41,543 --> 00:08:42,876
- Okay.
- I did begin my career
209
00:08:42,910 --> 00:08:44,678
as Mr. Stark's driver.
210
00:08:44,712 --> 00:08:45,747
- Okay.
- Quickly pivoted to...
211
00:08:45,780 --> 00:08:47,282
- Chauffeur.
- ...the Head of Security.
212
00:08:47,315 --> 00:08:49,284
The Head of...
Of course, yes, yes, yes.
213
00:08:49,317 --> 00:08:52,319
And why I am vetting
your resume.
214
00:08:52,353 --> 00:08:54,723
You seem to have left out
whether or not you had
215
00:08:54,756 --> 00:08:56,458
any experience
as a member of a team.
216
00:08:56,491 --> 00:08:57,325
Could you maybe add
217
00:08:57,359 --> 00:08:58,593
a little bit
of perspective there?
218
00:08:58,626 --> 00:09:01,028
Oh. No, yes, of course.
I was Special Forces...
219
00:09:01,061 --> 00:09:02,096
- Okay.
- ...but I was...
220
00:09:02,129 --> 00:09:03,764
Mainly, I was team leader...
221
00:09:03,797 --> 00:09:05,065
founder, really, of X-Force.
222
00:09:05,099 --> 00:09:07,034
Sadly, they... they all
perished in action though.
223
00:09:07,068 --> 00:09:08,403
Oh. How exactly
did that happen?
224
00:09:08,436 --> 00:09:10,637
Well, the police say gravity,
but if...
225
00:09:10,671 --> 00:09:12,140
Just between us,
they didn't test well
226
00:09:12,173 --> 00:09:13,640
- in the focus group.
- I see.
227
00:09:13,674 --> 00:09:15,376
- Particularly Cable.
- X-Force.
228
00:09:15,409 --> 00:09:16,277
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
229
00:09:16,311 --> 00:09:17,345
Look, I can see
this isn't going well.
230
00:09:17,379 --> 00:09:18,848
Please stop writing.
Look, I... I...
231
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,949
I'm just...
I wanna be an Avenger.
232
00:09:22,550 --> 00:09:24,352
I wanna be an Avenger.
233
00:09:26,087 --> 00:09:27,988
Why do you wanna be an Avenger?
234
00:09:28,021 --> 00:09:29,557
Look around you.
I mean, they're the...
235
00:09:29,591 --> 00:09:30,991
they're the best of the best.
236
00:09:31,025 --> 00:09:33,061
And... And what
they do matters.
237
00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:35,496
I need to be an Avenger.
238
00:09:35,529 --> 00:09:37,966
Sir, my girl has kinda
had it with my shtick,
239
00:09:37,999 --> 00:09:39,300
and I... if I don't, you know,
240
00:09:39,333 --> 00:09:42,136
turn things around and
do something with my "gifts,"
241
00:09:42,169 --> 00:09:43,904
I don't think it's gonna
really work out for me,
242
00:09:43,937 --> 00:09:45,339
and I wouldn't blame her.
243
00:09:46,474 --> 00:09:50,778
Avengers are a very unique
group of superheroes
244
00:09:50,811 --> 00:09:52,012
that stand for something
245
00:09:52,045 --> 00:09:54,681
more than just fighting
and wearing costumes.
246
00:09:54,715 --> 00:09:57,952
I mean, people look up to us.
Kids look up to us.
247
00:09:57,986 --> 00:09:59,187
- They...
- I'm sorry. "Us"?
248
00:09:59,220 --> 00:10:01,891
I wasn't aware
that you were an Avenger.
249
00:10:01,923 --> 00:10:02,956
Avengers-adjacent, technically.
250
00:10:02,990 --> 00:10:04,358
Oh, wow.
What's your superpower?
251
00:10:04,391 --> 00:10:07,028
Is it parallel parking?
I am so sorry.
252
00:10:07,061 --> 00:10:08,362
That was cruel.
253
00:10:08,395 --> 00:10:10,798
I lash out when I'm nervous.
Won't happen again.
254
00:10:10,832 --> 00:10:12,166
- Let's cut to the chase.
- Please.
255
00:10:12,199 --> 00:10:13,767
You just said moments ago
256
00:10:13,801 --> 00:10:16,136
that you wanted to be
an Avenger because
257
00:10:16,737 --> 00:10:18,306
you need it.
258
00:10:18,339 --> 00:10:19,374
Yes, sir, I do.
259
00:10:19,407 --> 00:10:20,975
But the Avengers
don't do the job
260
00:10:21,009 --> 00:10:22,443
because they need it.
261
00:10:22,476 --> 00:10:24,611
They do the job
because people need them.
262
00:10:25,779 --> 00:10:27,315
Do you see the distinction?
263
00:10:28,950 --> 00:10:30,518
Yes, sir.
264
00:10:31,385 --> 00:10:32,921
Please, Mr. Hogan.
265
00:10:32,953 --> 00:10:34,121
I don't wanna spend
the rest of my life
266
00:10:34,154 --> 00:10:36,356
like an annoying one-trick pony.
267
00:10:39,260 --> 00:10:40,261
All right.
268
00:10:41,095 --> 00:10:42,864
Oh, my God, you're standing.
269
00:10:42,897 --> 00:10:44,398
Yeah, now's the time
that we stand.
270
00:10:44,431 --> 00:10:45,265
Damn it.
271
00:10:45,299 --> 00:10:46,868
Now, the problem
might be that you're
272
00:10:46,901 --> 00:10:49,303
reaching a little...
little too high.
273
00:10:49,336 --> 00:10:51,906
Aim for the middle,
and you'll never miss.
274
00:10:51,940 --> 00:10:53,106
Right?
I think you got a good heart.
275
00:10:53,140 --> 00:10:55,042
I believe what you're saying.
276
00:10:55,075 --> 00:10:56,677
But not everybody's
the world-saving type.
277
00:10:56,710 --> 00:10:58,379
I'm not, and I'm happy.
278
00:10:58,947 --> 00:11:00,714
Right? I found my place.
279
00:11:01,582 --> 00:11:02,983
Find your place.
280
00:11:03,885 --> 00:11:05,986
All right? Get back out there.
281
00:11:06,019 --> 00:11:07,587
- We'll keep an eye on you.
- Okay.
282
00:11:07,620 --> 00:11:08,622
Good luck.
283
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:12,326
- [Wade Wilson] Mm. Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
284
00:11:12,359 --> 00:11:14,963
Fetch the car.
I wanna hit Shake Shack.
285
00:11:14,995 --> 00:11:16,530
Rejection makes me hungy.
286
00:11:17,531 --> 00:11:19,066
- No, no. Please.
- No?
287
00:11:19,099 --> 00:11:20,701
- Yeah, no, no, no.
- Okay.
288
00:11:20,734 --> 00:11:22,002
Okay, thank you.
289
00:11:23,938 --> 00:11:25,639
[Deadpool]
You know what they say.
290
00:11:25,672 --> 00:11:27,174
When one door closes,
291
00:11:28,208 --> 00:11:29,979
your locker at work opens.
292
00:11:30,011 --> 00:11:32,346
[♪ rousing music playing]
293
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:34,515
[stapling]
294
00:11:39,787 --> 00:11:41,088
Now let's go sell some certified
295
00:11:41,121 --> 00:11:42,824
pre-owned vehicles, motherfu...
296
00:11:42,857 --> 00:11:44,057
[♪ music stops]
297
00:11:45,191 --> 00:11:48,362
Technically, the...
the Carnival's not a minivan.
298
00:11:49,531 --> 00:11:50,597
It's an MPV.
299
00:11:50,631 --> 00:11:53,166
So how does the Kia compare
to the Honda Odyssey?
300
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,668
The Odyssey?
That's a great question.
301
00:11:54,701 --> 00:11:56,803
- Um, it doesn't fucking suck.
- [boy snickers]
302
00:11:56,838 --> 00:11:59,339
You know, you can answer
the question without swearing.
303
00:11:59,373 --> 00:12:02,010
I'm sorry, Tammy, I don't...
I don't have kids.
304
00:12:02,042 --> 00:12:03,810
Not that I haven't
dreamt of that,
305
00:12:03,845 --> 00:12:06,079
but I don't have
a lot of vaginal sex.
306
00:12:09,248 --> 00:12:10,451
[Peter] You'll get 'em
next time, pal.
307
00:12:10,485 --> 00:12:11,552
- [Wade] Yeah.
- [Peter] And look,
308
00:12:11,585 --> 00:12:13,287
you can always go back
to superhero-ing.
309
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:16,056
I mean, I know I'd like
to see you back in the suit.
310
00:12:16,089 --> 00:12:18,724
I don't keep it in my locker
so that I can wear it.
311
00:12:18,758 --> 00:12:21,395
I keep it in my locker in case
we need to saddle up again.
312
00:12:21,428 --> 00:12:24,598
Hey, hey, hey.
What is that doing in there?
313
00:12:24,631 --> 00:12:25,732
I'm done.
314
00:12:27,501 --> 00:12:28,502
I'm done.
315
00:12:29,302 --> 00:12:31,305
And I'm fine with being done.
316
00:12:31,339 --> 00:12:33,140
Look, is sales the best match?
317
00:12:33,173 --> 00:12:34,608
Probably not.
318
00:12:34,641 --> 00:12:38,412
Is this the life that I always
imagined for myself? Fuck no.
319
00:12:38,445 --> 00:12:41,548
But this is the right fit
for me, Sugar Bear, it is.
320
00:12:41,582 --> 00:12:43,183
Okay, Mr. Wilson.
321
00:12:43,216 --> 00:12:44,919
I'm just saying, once a month,
322
00:12:44,953 --> 00:12:47,021
we could go on a little mission.
323
00:12:47,055 --> 00:12:49,856
We're human beings.
We crave purpose.
324
00:12:49,890 --> 00:12:51,526
After all, we're Deadpool.
325
00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:54,161
Please stop saying that.
We're not Deadpool.
326
00:12:54,194 --> 00:12:56,463
I'm not even Deadpool anymore.
327
00:12:56,496 --> 00:12:59,366
Well, if you're gonna have
a midlife crisis, go big.
328
00:12:59,399 --> 00:13:01,335
A few years ago,
a friend of mine
329
00:13:01,368 --> 00:13:03,637
got his nipples pierced
with a titanium chain
330
00:13:03,670 --> 00:13:06,941
that goes down and attaches
to his Van Johnson.
331
00:13:06,975 --> 00:13:08,207
[camera clicking]
332
00:13:10,979 --> 00:13:12,981
Are... Are you feeling
grumplestiltskin
333
00:13:13,014 --> 00:13:14,447
'cause it's your birthday?
334
00:13:16,017 --> 00:13:17,216
What?
335
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:18,885
No.
336
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,121
No.
337
00:13:24,324 --> 00:13:26,326
- Surprise!
- [♪ hip-hop music plays]
338
00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:28,863
Hey, you guys are lucky
I'm not armed.
339
00:13:29,595 --> 00:13:30,630
Get in here.
340
00:13:30,663 --> 00:13:33,067
If this were six years ago,
you'd all be dead.
341
00:13:33,101 --> 00:13:34,869
So then, he gets out of the cab,
342
00:13:34,902 --> 00:13:36,037
and you will not believe it.
343
00:13:36,070 --> 00:13:38,038
I turn around,
and what do I find?
344
00:13:38,071 --> 00:13:39,739
- AirPods. His AirPods.
- His AirPods!
345
00:13:39,772 --> 00:13:40,974
- Come on.
- Crazy story.
346
00:13:41,008 --> 00:13:43,710
- Every time. Come on.
- [laughing] Every single time.
347
00:13:44,478 --> 00:13:45,746
[Wade sighs]
348
00:13:45,778 --> 00:13:47,214
Make any sales today?
349
00:13:47,247 --> 00:13:48,648
You know I didn't.
350
00:13:48,681 --> 00:13:50,416
Did you sell
any dreamcatchers on Etsy
351
00:13:50,449 --> 00:13:52,086
or whatever it is that you do?
352
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:53,787
Our rent's due
in three days, Wade.
353
00:13:53,820 --> 00:13:55,123
I can't keep carrying you.
354
00:13:55,155 --> 00:13:56,757
Relax. I have the money.
355
00:13:56,790 --> 00:13:59,291
I sold some old
blood pressure medication
356
00:13:59,325 --> 00:14:00,594
I found lying around.
357
00:14:00,626 --> 00:14:02,262
You tryin' to kill me,
motherfucker?
358
00:14:02,295 --> 00:14:03,965
I'm not the one
dousing everything in salt,
359
00:14:03,998 --> 00:14:06,433
- motherfucker.
- I pray every day
360
00:14:06,466 --> 00:14:08,468
that fire finds your body
361
00:14:08,501 --> 00:14:10,971
and finishes the job
God didn't have
362
00:14:11,004 --> 00:14:12,673
- the nuts to do.
- That's hurtful.
363
00:14:12,706 --> 00:14:14,174
If you could hear
the look on my face,
364
00:14:14,207 --> 00:14:15,741
you'd smell how sad I am.
365
00:14:15,775 --> 00:14:17,078
You watched anything good?
366
00:14:17,111 --> 00:14:18,880
Great British Bake Off.
367
00:14:18,913 --> 00:14:20,246
Oh, goddamn.
368
00:14:20,279 --> 00:14:22,582
That show stood between me
and suicide for 10 years.
369
00:14:22,616 --> 00:14:25,284
Those are my feelings on
abortion, religious freedom,
370
00:14:25,317 --> 00:14:27,487
animal rights,
privacy rights, vaccines,
371
00:14:27,521 --> 00:14:29,722
free-market capitalism,
global climate change.
372
00:14:29,755 --> 00:14:32,793
Yeah, duh-duh-duh.
No, no speaking lines, Buck.
373
00:14:32,827 --> 00:14:34,928
- Hi, Yukio.
- Hi, Wade.
374
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:37,463
Nice fake o'clock shadow.
375
00:14:37,496 --> 00:14:40,733
It's a summer balayage.
From the French.
376
00:14:40,767 --> 00:14:44,303
It's meant to mimic the
natural highlights of the sun.
377
00:14:44,336 --> 00:14:46,238
- It's a toupee.
- It's a hair system.
378
00:14:46,272 --> 00:14:48,608
I love your hair system, Wade.
379
00:14:48,642 --> 00:14:49,943
Thank you. Heh.
380
00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:51,410
Wanna do some cocaine?
381
00:14:51,444 --> 00:14:54,548
Hey, cocaine is the one thing
that Feige said is off limits.
382
00:14:54,581 --> 00:14:56,383
What about
Bolivian marching powder?
383
00:14:56,416 --> 00:14:58,517
They know all the slang terms.
They have a list.
384
00:14:58,551 --> 00:15:00,386
- Even snowboarding?
- Even disco dust.
385
00:15:00,419 --> 00:15:01,454
White girl interrupted?
386
00:15:01,487 --> 00:15:03,056
- Even Forrest Bump.
- Booger sugar?
387
00:15:03,090 --> 00:15:04,324
I wouldn't even try
powdered gonuts.
388
00:15:04,357 --> 00:15:07,928
- Do you wanna build a snowman?
- Yes. But I can't.
389
00:15:09,528 --> 00:15:10,931
Pull here.
390
00:15:10,964 --> 00:15:12,065
- Here?
- Yeah. [gasps]
391
00:15:12,099 --> 00:15:13,331
- [Yukio yelps]
- [laughter]
392
00:15:13,364 --> 00:15:14,869
- [Dopinder] What happened?
- That's the fun part.
393
00:15:16,203 --> 00:15:17,536
Thanks for coming.
394
00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:18,671
Yeah.
395
00:15:18,704 --> 00:15:19,906
How's work?
396
00:15:19,940 --> 00:15:21,307
Oh, I got a promotion.
397
00:15:22,075 --> 00:15:23,442
No way.
398
00:15:23,476 --> 00:15:26,579
Yeah. It's mind-numbing middle
management, but I'm happy.
399
00:15:26,612 --> 00:15:27,680
That's great.
400
00:15:29,448 --> 00:15:30,917
- You, uh, seeing anyone?
- How about you?
401
00:15:31,952 --> 00:15:33,888
Um... Yeah.
402
00:15:33,921 --> 00:15:36,556
A guy from work. Dermot.
403
00:15:36,590 --> 00:15:37,790
Dermot.
404
00:15:37,824 --> 00:15:39,226
- He's kind.
- Good.
405
00:15:39,258 --> 00:15:40,927
Likes to go hiking.
406
00:15:40,961 --> 00:15:42,394
Hasn't gotten me shot yet.
407
00:15:42,428 --> 00:15:44,764
Well, it's the early days.
408
00:15:44,797 --> 00:15:46,266
[Vanessa chuckles]
409
00:15:48,634 --> 00:15:50,669
What about you?
You seeing anyone?
410
00:15:50,703 --> 00:15:51,636
[Wade] Mm...
411
00:15:51,669 --> 00:15:53,371
No, no, I live
in a one-bedroom apartment.
412
00:15:53,404 --> 00:15:54,942
I share a bed with Blind Al.
413
00:15:56,342 --> 00:15:58,410
- Okay.
- [laughs]
414
00:15:58,445 --> 00:15:59,880
- All right.
- All right.
415
00:16:01,413 --> 00:16:04,918
[all] ♪ Happy birthday
to you ♪
416
00:16:04,951 --> 00:16:06,485
- Speech! Speech!
- [Yukio] Yes!
417
00:16:06,519 --> 00:16:08,554
All right.
Okay, okay, okay. Uh...
418
00:16:09,321 --> 00:16:10,422
Birthdays.
419
00:16:10,456 --> 00:16:12,192
Boy, every spin around the moon
420
00:16:12,225 --> 00:16:13,292
is a new adventure indeed.
421
00:16:13,325 --> 00:16:15,561
- Sun, dumbass.
- Okay, round-earther.
422
00:16:16,898 --> 00:16:19,032
- Where was I?
- The adventure of life.
423
00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:20,167
Right. Um...
424
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,434
It's been
a challenging few years.
425
00:16:22,468 --> 00:16:23,803
Haven't seen you guys
in a while.
426
00:16:23,837 --> 00:16:26,206
Been through a lot,
uh, change of life.
427
00:16:26,239 --> 00:16:28,276
- Menopause?
- Bitch, are you improv-ing?
428
00:16:28,307 --> 00:16:30,709
- Mm-mm.
- Sorry.
429
00:16:30,743 --> 00:16:32,245
[softly] I'm sorry that
you had to see that, Yukio.
430
00:16:32,279 --> 00:16:34,346
- [softly] It's okay.
- Yeah.
431
00:16:35,447 --> 00:16:37,217
[sighs] But I'm happy.
432
00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:38,551
You know, and that's... that's
433
00:16:38,584 --> 00:16:41,687
because of each
and every one of you.
434
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,388
I guess,
what I'm trying to say is
435
00:16:43,421 --> 00:16:45,024
how proud I am,
how grateful I am
436
00:16:45,057 --> 00:16:46,358
to be standing in a room
437
00:16:46,393 --> 00:16:49,628
with every single person I love.
438
00:16:49,662 --> 00:16:51,797
[♪ soft music playing]
439
00:16:54,599 --> 00:16:56,502
I'm the luckiest man alive.
440
00:16:56,837 --> 00:16:57,838
[chuckles]
441
00:16:58,905 --> 00:16:59,804
Make a wish, buddy.
442
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:02,708
Ten-four, good buddy.
[chuckles]
443
00:17:02,741 --> 00:17:03,844
Going down.
444
00:17:07,180 --> 00:17:08,380
[knock at door]
445
00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:11,150
Wade Wilson?
446
00:17:11,183 --> 00:17:12,585
Oh, yeah. Dancers.
447
00:17:12,618 --> 00:17:14,486
Dopinder must have ordered you.
448
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,224
Are those supposed
to be cop costumes?
449
00:17:16,257 --> 00:17:17,756
Never mind.
450
00:17:17,790 --> 00:17:20,126
Take your clothes off
but leave the helmets.
451
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:21,460
And this isn't Pretty Woman.
452
00:17:22,229 --> 00:17:23,561
We're kissing. All right?
453
00:17:23,595 --> 00:17:25,496
What song do you guys
normally dance to?
454
00:17:26,599 --> 00:17:29,702
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
455
00:17:29,735 --> 00:17:31,071
Is that supposed to be scary?
456
00:17:31,104 --> 00:17:33,072
Pegging isn't new for me,
friendo.
457
00:17:33,105 --> 00:17:34,607
But it is for Disney.
458
00:17:35,241 --> 00:17:36,375
Ah, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta!
459
00:17:36,408 --> 00:17:38,278
Okay, I've never been
a natural bottom,
460
00:17:38,311 --> 00:17:40,280
so we're gonna
take things real slow.
461
00:17:40,313 --> 00:17:42,249
And I want some
crazy eye contact.
462
00:17:42,282 --> 00:17:43,748
Not you.
You.
463
00:17:43,781 --> 00:17:45,717
Can't see your eyes through
the mask, but I can feel them.
464
00:17:45,750 --> 00:17:47,419
We're gonna move on
down the hallway
465
00:17:47,453 --> 00:17:49,421
so we can spare a cleanup
on aisle asshole.
466
00:17:49,455 --> 00:17:50,891
How's everyone feel
about this plan?
467
00:17:50,924 --> 00:17:51,825
I don't like you.
468
00:17:51,858 --> 00:17:54,093
Yes. Let's hold on
to that attitude.
469
00:17:54,126 --> 00:17:55,895
And we're gonna do it angry.
470
00:17:55,928 --> 00:17:57,097
[grunts]
471
00:17:58,397 --> 00:17:59,598
[grunts]
472
00:18:03,668 --> 00:18:05,971
[♪ suspenseful music playing]
473
00:18:06,006 --> 00:18:07,473
[Wade moans softly]
474
00:18:08,208 --> 00:18:09,408
[Wade grunts]
475
00:18:14,014 --> 00:18:15,147
[Voice] Mr. Wilson...
476
00:18:16,882 --> 00:18:19,886
you appear to have soiled
yourself while unconscious.
477
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,554
I wasn't unconscious.
Who are you?
478
00:18:22,588 --> 00:18:24,522
I go by the name of Paradox.
479
00:18:24,555 --> 00:18:28,194
Mr. Paradox. And you're
sitting here at the TVA.
480
00:18:28,228 --> 00:18:30,330
The Time Variance Authority.
481
00:18:30,363 --> 00:18:32,630
We're really
a watchdog organization,
482
00:18:32,664 --> 00:18:35,334
except we're more lighthearted
than that sounds,
483
00:18:35,367 --> 00:18:38,771
with a sort of
throwback, ironic twist.
484
00:18:38,804 --> 00:18:40,406
And we're in charge of defending
485
00:18:40,438 --> 00:18:43,075
what's known
as the Sacred Timeline.
486
00:18:43,108 --> 00:18:46,477
Holy fuck. That is a shit-ton
of exposition for a threequel.
487
00:18:46,511 --> 00:18:48,480
Is this because
I used Cable's time machine?
488
00:18:48,514 --> 00:18:50,317
Brought a couple of people
back to life,
489
00:18:50,350 --> 00:18:51,418
then I destroyed it.
490
00:18:51,450 --> 00:18:52,851
- That was a long time ago.
- Yes,
491
00:18:52,885 --> 00:18:55,620
we're aware of your abuse
of your timeline.
492
00:18:55,653 --> 00:18:58,391
[chuckles] And you were
so abusive of it.
493
00:18:58,425 --> 00:19:00,894
Uh, no, it has nothing
to do with that.
494
00:19:00,927 --> 00:19:01,995
Walk with me.
495
00:19:04,163 --> 00:19:06,165
[♪ mysterious music playing]
496
00:19:07,765 --> 00:19:10,502
I brought you here,
Mr. Wilson, to tell you
497
00:19:10,536 --> 00:19:12,637
that you're special.
498
00:19:12,670 --> 00:19:15,606
In fact, you've been chosen
for a higher purpose,
499
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,977
a purpose unclear even to me.
500
00:19:18,010 --> 00:19:19,946
But one that could
501
00:19:19,980 --> 00:19:23,016
save the entire Sacred Timeline
502
00:19:23,049 --> 00:19:25,750
from a possibly grisly fate
sometime in the future,
503
00:19:25,783 --> 00:19:28,419
which may very well
need to be...
504
00:19:28,454 --> 00:19:30,289
avenged.
505
00:19:30,322 --> 00:19:32,024
This Sacred Timeline,
506
00:19:33,092 --> 00:19:35,027
I assume I'm going to marvel
507
00:19:35,427 --> 00:19:36,661
at how
508
00:19:37,196 --> 00:19:39,031
cinematic it feels?
509
00:19:39,064 --> 00:19:40,934
Gratuitous cameos,
510
00:19:40,967 --> 00:19:43,136
indiscriminate use of
Variants, the whole package?
511
00:19:43,168 --> 00:19:45,170
Well, you tell me.
512
00:19:45,204 --> 00:19:46,205
[device beeps]
513
00:19:48,841 --> 00:19:51,043
[♪ heroic music playing]
514
00:19:52,177 --> 00:19:53,178
Cap!
515
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,787
You are no longer lost, Wade.
516
00:20:02,821 --> 00:20:05,790
You can be a hero among heroes.
517
00:20:05,824 --> 00:20:07,993
We've been surveilling you
for quite a while.
518
00:20:08,027 --> 00:20:11,097
- Subway station.
- A TVA outpost, yes.
519
00:20:12,264 --> 00:20:13,565
- And what is that?
- Hmm?
520
00:20:16,402 --> 00:20:17,903
Is that me? Is that Thor?
521
00:20:19,304 --> 00:20:21,173
- Is he crying?
- Uh, let's not
522
00:20:21,207 --> 00:20:22,540
- get ahead of ourselves.
- [gasps]
523
00:20:22,573 --> 00:20:23,842
That happens
in the distant future.
524
00:20:23,876 --> 00:20:25,743
Why is Thor crying?
Quick! Tell me.
525
00:20:25,777 --> 00:20:27,246
Do not speak to her.
Stop that. Eyes on me.
526
00:20:27,279 --> 00:20:29,679
I brought you here
to offer you an opportunity.
527
00:20:29,713 --> 00:20:31,682
The opportunity
you sought years ago,
528
00:20:31,716 --> 00:20:33,285
but for which
you were not ready.
529
00:20:33,318 --> 00:20:34,853
We believe you're ready now.
530
00:20:34,887 --> 00:20:36,955
Ready for a chance
to leave your timeline
531
00:20:36,989 --> 00:20:39,290
and join the greatest
universe of all.
532
00:20:39,323 --> 00:20:41,326
I am about to give you the
thing you've always wanted.
533
00:20:41,361 --> 00:20:42,895
Oh, I smell
what you're steppin' in.
534
00:20:42,928 --> 00:20:44,396
The power in the Marvel Universe
535
00:20:44,430 --> 00:20:45,663
is about to change forever.
536
00:20:47,765 --> 00:20:49,501
I am the Messiah...
537
00:20:49,535 --> 00:20:51,304
[♪ heavenly music building]
538
00:20:51,336 --> 00:20:53,671
I am...
539
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,341
- [♪ music stops]
- ...Marvel Jesus.
540
00:20:57,675 --> 00:20:59,277
Can you excuse me
for just a moment?
541
00:20:59,310 --> 00:21:00,812
I'm just gonna go over here.
542
00:21:03,982 --> 00:21:05,384
Suck it, Fox!
543
00:21:05,417 --> 00:21:06,684
I'm going to Disneyland.
544
00:21:06,717 --> 00:21:08,187
[grunts] Get fucked!
545
00:21:11,689 --> 00:21:12,723
Where do I sign?
546
00:21:12,757 --> 00:21:13,859
Oh, there's no need
for paperwork.
547
00:21:13,892 --> 00:21:16,261
Good. Not to brag,
but I do not read.
548
00:21:16,295 --> 00:21:17,162
[chuckles] Oh.
549
00:21:17,196 --> 00:21:19,330
There is one thing
I will need, though.
550
00:21:21,934 --> 00:21:23,469
[♪ rousing music playing]
551
00:21:23,502 --> 00:21:26,105
[laughs] Oh, fuck off!
552
00:21:26,138 --> 00:21:28,106
Adorn me, Beardo.
553
00:21:42,955 --> 00:21:44,789
- [squeaks]
- [elevator dings]
554
00:21:46,291 --> 00:21:48,560
[♪ hip-hop music plays, Fergie
ft. Ludacris "Glamorous"]
555
00:21:48,594 --> 00:21:50,128
Fuckin' A!
556
00:21:50,161 --> 00:21:52,298
Uhh! It's perfect! FYI,
557
00:21:52,332 --> 00:21:55,601
your tailor is a predator,
but I love it. Snug.
558
00:21:55,633 --> 00:21:56,767
No camel toe.
559
00:21:56,801 --> 00:22:00,404
New car smell
and adamantium katanas?
560
00:22:00,438 --> 00:22:02,240
You shouldn't have.
561
00:22:02,274 --> 00:22:04,176
Go ahead. Take it in.
562
00:22:04,209 --> 00:22:06,945
And yes, your underwear
is getting tighter.
563
00:22:06,979 --> 00:22:08,746
That guy knows
what I'm talking about.
564
00:22:08,779 --> 00:22:10,481
His clothes says
middle management,
565
00:22:10,516 --> 00:22:13,185
but his eyes say fuck-y fuck-y.
566
00:22:13,218 --> 00:22:15,154
Yes. You look very nice.
567
00:22:15,187 --> 00:22:16,254
[Deadpool] "Nice"?
568
00:22:16,288 --> 00:22:18,323
Your buddy here is ready
to throw it all away for me.
569
00:22:18,357 --> 00:22:19,624
- You callin' your wife?
- HR.
570
00:22:19,656 --> 00:22:21,058
[Deadpool] Does your wife
work in HR?
571
00:22:21,093 --> 00:22:23,462
[Mr. Paradox] I'm really glad
you're taking this so well.
572
00:22:23,495 --> 00:22:25,197
[Deadpool]
Oh, I'm taking it well.
573
00:22:25,230 --> 00:22:27,764
I have never had a problem
traveling for work.
574
00:22:27,798 --> 00:22:29,935
That said,
we should talk vacation days.
575
00:22:29,968 --> 00:22:32,571
I'm more of a one-week-on-
one-week-off kind of guy.
576
00:22:32,604 --> 00:22:34,039
I think it's what they do
in Denmark.
577
00:22:34,072 --> 00:22:35,841
You know, you'll never see
a Danish flag on the moon,
578
00:22:35,874 --> 00:22:37,808
but [chuckles]
goddamn it, they're happy.
579
00:22:37,843 --> 00:22:40,545
Now, let's power up your
little Amazon Fire phone there
580
00:22:40,578 --> 00:22:42,046
and zip me back home
581
00:22:42,079 --> 00:22:44,048
so I can let my friends know
that they've been upgraded
582
00:22:44,082 --> 00:22:45,117
to disciples.
583
00:22:45,150 --> 00:22:48,187
Yeah. I don't think you...
quite understand.
584
00:22:48,220 --> 00:22:50,923
Um, you will not be returning
to your home
585
00:22:50,956 --> 00:22:53,425
because there will be
no home to return to.
586
00:22:53,458 --> 00:22:54,493
Come again?
587
00:22:54,525 --> 00:22:55,760
This time in my ears.
588
00:22:57,795 --> 00:22:58,996
[device beeps]
589
00:22:59,864 --> 00:23:03,000
This is your universe,
Mr. Wilson.
590
00:23:03,501 --> 00:23:04,802
That
591
00:23:04,836 --> 00:23:06,803
is what happens when a universe
592
00:23:06,837 --> 00:23:09,006
loses their Anchor Being.
593
00:23:09,041 --> 00:23:11,209
See how it decays
from the inside?
594
00:23:11,242 --> 00:23:14,079
- This is how a reality dies.
- What's an Anchor Being?
595
00:23:14,112 --> 00:23:16,514
An Anchor Being is an entity
of such vital importance
596
00:23:16,547 --> 00:23:17,748
that when they die,
597
00:23:17,782 --> 00:23:21,118
their whole world slowly
withers out of existence.
598
00:23:21,152 --> 00:23:23,988
You've just won the lottery
because I didn't die.
599
00:23:24,021 --> 00:23:25,857
It was just a little midlife
crisis. I'm better now.
600
00:23:25,891 --> 00:23:28,260
Oh, no, no, no. [laughing]
601
00:23:30,428 --> 00:23:32,064
[Deadpool laughs along]
602
00:23:32,097 --> 00:23:34,900
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, I love to laugh.
603
00:23:34,933 --> 00:23:37,635
Can you imagine
if you were the Anchor Being?
604
00:23:37,668 --> 00:23:39,770
- [Deadpool, dully] Yeah.
- [laughs] Oh!
605
00:23:39,804 --> 00:23:42,340
- Yeah.
- No, it isn't you, Mr. Wilson.
606
00:23:43,007 --> 00:23:44,474
Your Anchor Being died
607
00:23:44,509 --> 00:23:47,745
in an act
of self-sacrifice so epic
608
00:23:47,778 --> 00:23:50,147
that it sent shivers
down the Timeline.
609
00:23:50,181 --> 00:23:53,251
I am referring, of course, to...
610
00:23:54,585 --> 00:23:58,356
Logan. The Wolverine.
611
00:24:01,792 --> 00:24:04,262
[weakly] Don't be
what they made you.
612
00:24:05,163 --> 00:24:07,932
[♪ sentimental slow rock
music playing]
613
00:24:12,570 --> 00:24:14,170
[crying]
614
00:24:14,204 --> 00:24:16,907
Ah, so this is
what it feels like...
615
00:24:18,576 --> 00:24:19,776
[Deadpool] Logan.
616
00:24:20,511 --> 00:24:21,512
Of course.
617
00:24:22,179 --> 00:24:23,180
Logan.
618
00:24:24,814 --> 00:24:25,884
[Deadpool groans]
619
00:24:25,917 --> 00:24:27,451
[yelling] Logan?
620
00:24:27,485 --> 00:24:29,453
The guy with forks for hands?
621
00:24:29,487 --> 00:24:32,056
- That Wolverine?
- [device beeps]
622
00:24:32,089 --> 00:24:33,891
Yeah, I got it.
You can turn your
623
00:24:33,924 --> 00:24:36,227
retro graphics of death
off now. Make it stop.
624
00:24:36,260 --> 00:24:37,762
We're not doing it,
Mr. Wilson.
625
00:24:37,794 --> 00:24:39,030
We certainly can't stop it.
626
00:24:41,099 --> 00:24:42,133
[Deadpool]
How long have we got?
627
00:24:42,166 --> 00:24:44,834
In most cases,
couple thousand years.
628
00:24:44,868 --> 00:24:46,138
- Well, sweet.
- Well, most cases
629
00:24:46,171 --> 00:24:48,606
aren't fast enough.
Not for me.
630
00:24:48,639 --> 00:24:49,741
[Deadpool]
What does that mean?
631
00:24:49,775 --> 00:24:51,942
It means that I have been tasked
632
00:24:51,976 --> 00:24:54,411
with overseeing
the end of your universe.
633
00:24:54,444 --> 00:24:55,378
And regardless of what
634
00:24:55,412 --> 00:24:57,315
the pencil pushers upstairs
would prefer,
635
00:24:57,348 --> 00:24:58,583
I will not
636
00:24:58,616 --> 00:25:02,152
waste my life watching it die
slowly of natural causes.
637
00:25:02,186 --> 00:25:04,322
We used to just prune
these things. Simple.
638
00:25:04,355 --> 00:25:06,325
Elegant. Efficient.
But I'm told the TVA
639
00:25:06,358 --> 00:25:08,859
doesn't like to do that
anymore. Well, I do.
640
00:25:08,894 --> 00:25:10,695
And no matter what
my so-called superiors say,
641
00:25:10,728 --> 00:25:13,331
the multiverse does not
need a babysitter.
642
00:25:13,364 --> 00:25:15,032
We need a mercy killer.
643
00:25:15,066 --> 00:25:16,768
And in this instance,
644
00:25:16,802 --> 00:25:20,071
I am the mercy killer. Ha!
645
00:25:21,372 --> 00:25:22,373
[chuckles]
646
00:25:23,441 --> 00:25:24,342
[device beeps]
647
00:25:24,375 --> 00:25:26,243
[Deadpool] What in
the MacGuffin is that?
648
00:25:26,277 --> 00:25:28,612
[Mr. Paradox] That's
a Time Ripper, Mr. Wilson.
649
00:25:28,646 --> 00:25:30,281
An accelerant.
650
00:25:30,314 --> 00:25:33,017
Once completed,
it will allow me to destroy
651
00:25:33,050 --> 00:25:35,086
the spacetime matrix
of your universe.
652
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,421
You see, I don't want
to work for the TVA.
653
00:25:37,455 --> 00:25:39,323
I want to be the TVA.
654
00:25:39,357 --> 00:25:42,093
And the first step involves
showing this organization
655
00:25:42,126 --> 00:25:43,994
how much more efficient
it can become.
656
00:25:44,028 --> 00:25:45,862
To wit, I will be
giving your universe
657
00:25:45,895 --> 00:25:48,432
a swift and compassionate end.
658
00:25:48,466 --> 00:25:50,067
And don't worry, your friends
won't feel a thing.
659
00:25:50,101 --> 00:25:52,869
It'll be over just like this.
"Oh, what's that?" [groans]
660
00:25:53,471 --> 00:25:54,537
Trust me.
661
00:26:07,117 --> 00:26:09,553
You're gonna Old Yeller
my fucking universe?
662
00:26:09,587 --> 00:26:11,789
Mm... In your parlance, yes.
663
00:26:11,823 --> 00:26:13,224
Two in the heart,
one in the head.
664
00:26:13,257 --> 00:26:15,326
Look, Mr. Wilson,
you have two choices.
665
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:16,861
You can either rejoin
your loved ones
666
00:26:16,893 --> 00:26:18,763
and collectively cease
to exist in,
667
00:26:18,796 --> 00:26:21,833
I'd say, 72 hours. Or...
668
00:26:21,867 --> 00:26:24,401
you join the Sacred Timeline.
669
00:26:24,434 --> 00:26:26,838
And you end your days
of insignificance
670
00:26:26,871 --> 00:26:29,106
and mediocrity.
671
00:26:29,140 --> 00:26:30,708
Wade.
672
00:26:30,741 --> 00:26:32,610
Wade, you can finally,
673
00:26:32,643 --> 00:26:35,178
finally matter.
674
00:26:39,350 --> 00:26:42,186
- [Hulk roars]
- [♪ sentimental music playing]
675
00:26:44,789 --> 00:26:46,924
That's all
I've ever really wanted.
676
00:26:46,957 --> 00:26:48,358
I know.
677
00:26:48,860 --> 00:26:50,795
I know.
678
00:26:50,829 --> 00:26:52,997
And you know I'm...
I'm nothing if not
679
00:26:53,030 --> 00:26:54,432
morally flexible. [chuckles]
680
00:26:54,865 --> 00:26:56,065
[chuckles]
681
00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:58,001
Yep, yep.
682
00:27:00,037 --> 00:27:01,272
I'll do it.
683
00:27:01,305 --> 00:27:02,206
Wise choice.
684
00:27:02,239 --> 00:27:04,074
The Sacred Timeline's happy
to have you.
685
00:27:04,108 --> 00:27:05,276
[Deadpool] I was actually
talking about finding
686
00:27:05,309 --> 00:27:07,143
the Wolverine and breaking
your fucking nose.
687
00:27:07,913 --> 00:27:09,113
[groans]
688
00:27:10,514 --> 00:27:11,949
[♪ soft rock music plays,
Goo Goo Dolls "Iris"]
689
00:27:11,982 --> 00:27:14,718
♪ And I'd give up forever
to touch you ♪
690
00:27:14,752 --> 00:27:18,788
♪ 'Cause I know
that you feel me somehow ♪
691
00:27:18,823 --> 00:27:20,024
[♪ song stops]
692
00:27:20,826 --> 00:27:23,194
Find him. Find him!
693
00:27:23,227 --> 00:27:25,229
[Deadpool]
And boy, did he ever.
694
00:27:25,262 --> 00:27:26,897
[grunting]
695
00:27:26,931 --> 00:27:28,465
Which brings us back to this.
696
00:27:30,401 --> 00:27:32,702
The desecration
of the sacred corpse.
697
00:27:32,736 --> 00:27:35,572
- [♪ dramatic music playing]
- [yelling and grunting]
698
00:27:36,841 --> 00:27:38,541
- Oh, my God!
- [yells]
699
00:27:39,542 --> 00:27:42,580
Oh! My own fucking arm!
700
00:27:42,613 --> 00:27:43,780
[soldier 1 yells]
701
00:27:43,813 --> 00:27:45,582
- [soldier 1 screams]
- [grunting]
702
00:27:45,615 --> 00:27:47,218
- [soldier 1 screaming]
- Now we're talkin'!
703
00:27:47,251 --> 00:27:48,751
[soldier 1] Not like this!
704
00:27:48,785 --> 00:27:50,956
No, dear God! No!
705
00:27:50,988 --> 00:27:53,123
[Deadpool] I'm sorry!
Wolverine-ing is hard!
706
00:27:53,157 --> 00:27:54,557
[soldier 2] Make it stop!
707
00:27:54,591 --> 00:27:55,793
[Deadpool] Mangold tried.
708
00:27:55,827 --> 00:27:57,695
[soldiers screaming]
709
00:27:58,595 --> 00:28:00,664
You sick fuck!
710
00:28:00,698 --> 00:28:02,066
Logan was a hero.
711
00:28:02,099 --> 00:28:03,667
And the only thing worth a shit
712
00:28:03,701 --> 00:28:05,101
to ever come out of Canada.
713
00:28:05,635 --> 00:28:06,669
[soldier 1 cries out]
714
00:28:07,237 --> 00:28:08,438
[soldier 2 screams]
715
00:28:12,877 --> 00:28:15,079
[Deadpool]
Get my country's name
716
00:28:15,112 --> 00:28:17,313
out of your fuckin' mouth.
717
00:28:18,214 --> 00:28:20,083
And my sword. Give me that.
718
00:28:22,352 --> 00:28:23,219
[exhales]
719
00:28:23,253 --> 00:28:25,689
Oh, I gotta find me
another Logan.
720
00:28:26,122 --> 00:28:27,457
An alive one.
721
00:28:27,490 --> 00:28:30,460
Don't get up, guys.
I'll see myself out.
722
00:28:30,493 --> 00:28:33,230
[♪ synth rock music playing,
"The Power of Love"]
723
00:28:37,433 --> 00:28:38,434
Logan!
724
00:28:41,973 --> 00:28:43,774
I'm gonna need you
to come with me.
725
00:28:44,910 --> 00:28:46,109
Who's asking?
726
00:28:46,911 --> 00:28:48,211
[♪ music stops]
727
00:28:48,244 --> 00:28:50,178
[Deadpool] Oh, look at
this little Hairy Lou Retton.
728
00:28:50,212 --> 00:28:52,081
Did you stick the landing,
little guy?
729
00:28:52,616 --> 00:28:53,651
Yes, you did!
730
00:28:53,683 --> 00:28:55,352
Comic-accurate short king.
731
00:28:55,386 --> 00:28:57,787
Such a cute wittle Wolvie.
732
00:28:57,821 --> 00:28:59,455
Cue the fuckin' montage, baby.
733
00:28:59,489 --> 00:29:01,190
- [♪ synth rock music resumes]
- Ahoy!
734
00:29:01,224 --> 00:29:03,493
Everything seems to be on fire.
735
00:29:03,526 --> 00:29:05,161
You have a dragon?
736
00:29:05,194 --> 00:29:07,764
Ooh, you have Anchor Being
written all over...
737
00:29:07,797 --> 00:29:09,531
[grunting]
738
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:11,702
[growling]
739
00:29:11,735 --> 00:29:15,339
♪ Make a one man weep,
make another man sing ♪
740
00:29:15,940 --> 00:29:17,574
♪ Change a hawk... ♪
741
00:29:17,607 --> 00:29:18,641
Patch!
742
00:29:18,675 --> 00:29:21,845
- [engine revving]
- Oh, now we're talkin'.
743
00:29:22,545 --> 00:29:24,248
Oh, yeah.
744
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:26,416
That's the whole goddamn
package right there.
745
00:29:27,417 --> 00:29:28,351
Howdy!
746
00:29:28,384 --> 00:29:31,120
I'm just... I'm auditioning
Anchor Beings.
747
00:29:31,154 --> 00:29:33,791
Oh. Yeah, that's gonna need
some coconut oil.
748
00:29:35,593 --> 00:29:36,726
[grunts]
749
00:29:36,759 --> 00:29:38,062
[crow cawing]
750
00:29:38,094 --> 00:29:40,263
What in the fuck?
751
00:29:40,296 --> 00:29:42,097
[laughs] Are you okay?
752
00:29:42,499 --> 00:29:43,434
Oh, yes, yes.
753
00:29:43,467 --> 00:29:45,435
Classic John Byrne
brown and tan.
754
00:29:45,468 --> 00:29:47,437
Now, you fought the Hulk
in this outfit. No?
755
00:29:47,470 --> 00:29:49,439
- [deep growl]
- [♪ song stops]
756
00:29:50,340 --> 00:29:52,108
I'm Marvel Jesus,
you dull creature,
757
00:29:52,141 --> 00:29:53,309
and I will not... [yells]
758
00:29:53,343 --> 00:29:54,812
- [Deadpool groans]
- [♪ song resumes playing]
759
00:29:55,713 --> 00:29:57,180
[grunting]
760
00:30:00,115 --> 00:30:02,785
- [thunder rumbles]
- [groaning]
761
00:30:02,820 --> 00:30:05,655
It's not you. We're just going
in a different direction.
762
00:30:07,657 --> 00:30:08,858
[engine revving]
763
00:30:08,891 --> 00:30:09,926
You know, from behind,
764
00:30:09,959 --> 00:30:11,095
you look a little bit
like Henry...
765
00:30:11,127 --> 00:30:12,527
- Oh, my fuck!
- [♪ song stops]
766
00:30:12,561 --> 00:30:15,833
The Cavillrine.
The legends are true.
767
00:30:15,866 --> 00:30:18,869
And may I say, sir,
on behalf of all humanity,
768
00:30:18,902 --> 00:30:20,871
this just feels right.
769
00:30:20,904 --> 00:30:22,437
We will treat you so much better
770
00:30:22,472 --> 00:30:23,773
than those shit fucks
down the street.
771
00:30:23,806 --> 00:30:26,076
- You were just leavin'.
- [Deadpool] No, sir.
772
00:30:26,110 --> 00:30:27,610
Not while the fate
of my universe is at...
773
00:30:29,879 --> 00:30:30,880
[man grunts]
774
00:30:31,447 --> 00:30:32,281
[choking]
775
00:30:32,315 --> 00:30:33,851
This one looks promising.
776
00:30:33,884 --> 00:30:35,184
Down you go.
777
00:30:36,619 --> 00:30:37,620
[Logan] Again.
778
00:30:38,454 --> 00:30:40,723
I told you.
You're not welcome here.
779
00:30:40,757 --> 00:30:42,190
You're not welcome anywhere.
780
00:30:42,224 --> 00:30:43,492
Now get the fuck out of my bar.
781
00:30:43,525 --> 00:30:46,195
Just give me one more drink
and then I'll leave.
782
00:30:46,229 --> 00:30:48,032
[bartender] That's not
how it works.
783
00:30:48,065 --> 00:30:50,266
[Deadpool] It does now.
Leave the bottle.
784
00:30:50,299 --> 00:30:51,367
I know you, bub?
785
00:30:51,401 --> 00:30:53,971
Nope. But I know you.
786
00:30:54,004 --> 00:30:55,505
Everybody knows me.
787
00:30:56,973 --> 00:30:58,108
I'm the Wolverine.
788
00:30:58,142 --> 00:31:00,509
Yes, you are.
789
00:31:00,542 --> 00:31:02,644
And I'm gonna need you
to come with me right now.
790
00:31:03,980 --> 00:31:05,381
Look, lady, I'm not interested.
791
00:31:05,415 --> 00:31:06,816
Really gettin'
into your cups here.
792
00:31:06,850 --> 00:31:08,383
Why would I go with you?
793
00:31:09,351 --> 00:31:11,219
Because, unfortunately,
794
00:31:11,253 --> 00:31:12,588
I need you,
795
00:31:12,621 --> 00:31:16,693
and even more unfortunately,
my entire world needs you.
796
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:18,928
You two gonna fuck or fight?
797
00:31:22,900 --> 00:31:24,332
You gonna take that from him?
798
00:31:24,366 --> 00:31:25,903
- Yep.
- [scoffs]
799
00:31:25,936 --> 00:31:28,072
I can tell you have a sort
of don't-get-too-close-
800
00:31:28,105 --> 00:31:29,907
I'll-only-break-your-heart
vibe going here,
801
00:31:29,940 --> 00:31:30,973
but every other Wolverine
802
00:31:31,007 --> 00:31:32,307
would've really hurt me by now.
803
00:31:32,340 --> 00:31:33,543
And I'm sort of
on the tick-tick.
804
00:31:33,576 --> 00:31:35,045
- So, upsy-daisy. Here we go.
- Whoa, whoa.
805
00:31:35,079 --> 00:31:36,113
- Up you go.
- Hey, hey!
806
00:31:36,146 --> 00:31:37,346
I got you, big guy.
807
00:31:38,648 --> 00:31:39,649
Oh.
808
00:31:41,084 --> 00:31:42,285
Whiskey dick of the claws.
809
00:31:42,318 --> 00:31:43,853
It's quite common
in Wolverines over 40.
810
00:31:43,886 --> 00:31:44,854
You don't want this.
811
00:31:44,887 --> 00:31:47,557
You're right. I don't.
And you don't want this.
812
00:31:47,589 --> 00:31:49,159
Unless you wanna
take a deep breath
813
00:31:49,193 --> 00:31:50,392
through your fuckin' forehead,
814
00:31:50,425 --> 00:31:52,628
I suggest you reconsider.
815
00:31:52,662 --> 00:31:53,729
Let's go, peanut.
816
00:31:55,999 --> 00:31:58,134
[laughing]
817
00:31:58,167 --> 00:32:00,235
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
818
00:32:00,769 --> 00:32:01,770
Watch this.
819
00:32:02,771 --> 00:32:04,806
All right. That... Whoa.
820
00:32:05,208 --> 00:32:06,409
Easy.
821
00:32:09,947 --> 00:32:11,480
Good God.
822
00:32:11,513 --> 00:32:13,515
Thirsty little honey badger,
aren't ya?
823
00:32:14,449 --> 00:32:16,186
It's okay. Keep goin'.
824
00:32:16,220 --> 00:32:18,286
Audiences are accustomed
to long run times.
825
00:32:19,188 --> 00:32:21,591
[grunts, groans]
826
00:32:22,158 --> 00:32:23,625
[body thuds]
827
00:32:23,658 --> 00:32:26,028
[sighs]
Guess you'll have to do.
828
00:32:26,062 --> 00:32:27,263
Okay, here we...
829
00:32:28,232 --> 00:32:31,168
Oh! Look at those jammies.
830
00:32:31,201 --> 00:32:34,569
That only took 20 fucking years.
831
00:32:34,603 --> 00:32:36,840
One Anchor Being
coming right up!
832
00:32:36,874 --> 00:32:39,142
On your left, baby girl.
833
00:32:39,175 --> 00:32:40,275
This Logan has the same
834
00:32:40,308 --> 00:32:42,545
he-can-do-anything-
even-musicals look.
835
00:32:42,578 --> 00:32:44,646
And bonus, he's actually
wearing a costume
836
00:32:44,679 --> 00:32:45,915
like he's not embarrassed to be
837
00:32:45,948 --> 00:32:47,316
in a superhero movie for once.
838
00:32:47,350 --> 00:32:48,985
I don't understand.
839
00:32:49,018 --> 00:32:50,220
You said my universe is dying
840
00:32:50,254 --> 00:32:52,687
because this sack of nuts
got himself killed.
841
00:32:52,721 --> 00:32:55,357
- Well, problem solved.
- My God.
842
00:32:55,390 --> 00:32:59,796
You actually think you can
replace an Anchor Being
843
00:32:59,830 --> 00:33:01,798
with this?
844
00:33:01,832 --> 00:33:04,399
I wouldn't have accepted
any other Wolverine, BT dubs.
845
00:33:04,432 --> 00:33:06,433
But you have outdone yourself
846
00:33:06,468 --> 00:33:08,671
and brought me
the worst Wolverine!
847
00:33:08,704 --> 00:33:09,939
What do you mean, the worst one?
848
00:33:09,972 --> 00:33:11,440
Mr. Wilson.
849
00:33:11,473 --> 00:33:15,443
This Wolverine let down
his entire world.
850
00:33:15,477 --> 00:33:17,847
He's the stuff of legend,
but not in a good way.
851
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:19,116
And what he did,
852
00:33:19,149 --> 00:33:20,515
well,
853
00:33:20,549 --> 00:33:22,852
some things are just
beyond forgiveness.
854
00:33:25,154 --> 00:33:26,487
Okay.
855
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,424
How do I... How do I make
this right? I'll do anything.
856
00:33:29,458 --> 00:33:32,427
I gave you
a chance at greatness.
857
00:33:32,460 --> 00:33:35,063
Because my superiors
deemed you "special."
858
00:33:35,096 --> 00:33:36,565
Clearly not special
in a good way.
859
00:33:36,598 --> 00:33:37,633
Apparently you have some
860
00:33:37,667 --> 00:33:39,836
important future purpose
to serve.
861
00:33:39,869 --> 00:33:40,971
With Thor. He holds me.
862
00:33:41,004 --> 00:33:42,804
But I did my duty.
863
00:33:42,839 --> 00:33:44,874
I gave you the opportunity
to be somebody.
864
00:33:44,907 --> 00:33:46,876
And instead of
accepting my offering
865
00:33:46,909 --> 00:33:49,377
with humility and gratitude,
you broke my nose.
866
00:33:49,411 --> 00:33:50,445
[sighs] It looks great.
867
00:33:50,478 --> 00:33:52,414
And you decimated
dozens of my men
868
00:33:52,447 --> 00:33:54,050
with the exhumed corpse
of a hero.
869
00:33:54,083 --> 00:33:56,418
Dishonoring not only
his remains but his memory.
870
00:33:56,451 --> 00:33:57,786
What are you, the Internet?
871
00:33:57,820 --> 00:34:00,056
Your world is dying!
872
00:34:00,089 --> 00:34:01,456
Thank you very much.
873
00:34:01,489 --> 00:34:02,791
And there's no stopping it.
874
00:34:04,826 --> 00:34:06,527
[muffled]
The humane thing to do
875
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:07,628
is to make it quick.
876
00:34:07,661 --> 00:34:09,564
Is the thought
of vaporizing my universe
877
00:34:09,598 --> 00:34:10,868
making you peckish?
878
00:34:10,900 --> 00:34:12,034
I'm eating my feelings.
879
00:34:12,068 --> 00:34:13,668
I'm about to lose everything
that I've ever cared about
880
00:34:13,702 --> 00:34:16,873
because that hairy thundercunt
from down undercunt
881
00:34:16,906 --> 00:34:17,840
finally dies,
882
00:34:17,873 --> 00:34:20,476
and he's standing
right behind me, isn't he?
883
00:34:20,508 --> 00:34:22,477
Welcome to the MCU, by the way.
884
00:34:22,510 --> 00:34:24,679
You're joining at a bit
of a low point.
885
00:34:24,713 --> 00:34:26,747
As for you,
I wanna talk to your boss.
886
00:34:26,780 --> 00:34:28,184
I want you to get him
on the phone
887
00:34:28,217 --> 00:34:30,219
and you tell him, her, or them,
888
00:34:30,253 --> 00:34:32,554
that Marvel H. Christ
isn't playing.
889
00:34:37,860 --> 00:34:38,861
Holy shit.
890
00:34:39,528 --> 00:34:41,463
I just heard a symphony
891
00:34:41,496 --> 00:34:43,431
of buttholes clenching
all at once.
892
00:34:43,465 --> 00:34:44,599
You're off grid.
893
00:34:44,633 --> 00:34:46,034
Your bosses don't know
what you sick fucks
894
00:34:46,067 --> 00:34:47,102
are doing down here.
895
00:34:47,136 --> 00:34:48,304
Well, I'll tell you what.
896
00:34:48,337 --> 00:34:50,273
I have a black belt in Karen...
897
00:34:50,306 --> 00:34:51,606
And I'm gonna go upstairs
898
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:53,976
and I'm gonna tell 'em
all about you and your...
899
00:34:54,742 --> 00:34:56,543
Oh, silence is nice, isn't it?
900
00:34:56,577 --> 00:34:57,679
Where the fuck did he go?
901
00:34:57,712 --> 00:34:59,682
To the trash heap.
You'll fit right in.
902
00:34:59,715 --> 00:35:01,317
[growls]
903
00:35:01,350 --> 00:35:02,651
Whew.
904
00:35:02,684 --> 00:35:04,153
That was close. [chuckles]
905
00:35:07,356 --> 00:35:09,791
[muffled rhythmic thumping]
906
00:35:13,396 --> 00:35:15,596
[muffled footsteps thumping]
907
00:35:19,735 --> 00:35:20,970
[groaning]
908
00:35:24,974 --> 00:35:27,542
[Deadpool] Don't just
stand there, you ape.
909
00:35:27,575 --> 00:35:29,610
Give me a hand up.
910
00:35:29,643 --> 00:35:31,546
- [claws clang]
- Nope. I'm actually okay.
911
00:35:31,579 --> 00:35:33,748
- Thank you very much. [groans]
- [Wolverine grunting]
912
00:35:34,782 --> 00:35:35,951
[Wolverine]
Where the hell are we?
913
00:35:35,984 --> 00:35:38,420
[Deadpool] I don't know.
Looks kind of Mad Max-y.
914
00:35:38,452 --> 00:35:40,455
But that would be
IP infringement, right?
915
00:35:40,488 --> 00:35:41,723
Fucking jokes.
916
00:35:41,755 --> 00:35:43,491
- [grunts]
- [Deadpool yelps]
917
00:35:43,524 --> 00:35:45,194
[bones crack]
918
00:35:45,227 --> 00:35:46,628
[Deadpool] Fuck! Fuck.
919
00:35:46,661 --> 00:35:48,129
Were you even listening
back there?
920
00:35:48,163 --> 00:35:51,133
If we don't make it back
to that Mr. Paradox asshole,
921
00:35:51,167 --> 00:35:52,500
everyone I know is gonna die.
922
00:35:52,534 --> 00:35:54,370
Not my fuckin' problem.
923
00:35:54,403 --> 00:35:56,571
Oh, is that all you got?
924
00:35:56,604 --> 00:35:58,806
Is that what you said
when your world went to shit?
925
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,044
[breathing heavily]
Come again?
926
00:36:02,078 --> 00:36:04,080
Yeah, I heard all about you.
927
00:36:04,113 --> 00:36:06,182
How you screwed up everything.
928
00:36:06,215 --> 00:36:07,349
You should be thankin' me
929
00:36:07,382 --> 00:36:09,050
for pulling you out
of that bed you shit in.
930
00:36:09,084 --> 00:36:11,354
[groans] You back-stabbing
son of a bitch!
931
00:36:11,387 --> 00:36:12,687
[yells]
932
00:36:15,857 --> 00:36:17,360
[shouts, groans]
933
00:36:17,393 --> 00:36:18,726
Are you ready to be calm now?
934
00:36:18,759 --> 00:36:20,694
- [grunts]
- [Deadpool yelps]
935
00:36:23,466 --> 00:36:24,665
[groans]
936
00:36:25,867 --> 00:36:28,236
Rest in pieces, Fox. [grunts]
937
00:36:28,269 --> 00:36:31,106
[♪ tense song intro playing,
AC/DC "Hells Bells"]
938
00:36:31,140 --> 00:36:32,842
[bird screeching]
939
00:36:43,051 --> 00:36:44,853
I don't want to fight you,
peanut.
940
00:36:45,820 --> 00:36:47,588
Doesn't matter what you did.
941
00:36:47,621 --> 00:36:49,290
- I just need your help.
- [grunts]
942
00:36:50,557 --> 00:36:52,228
I don't fuckin' care.
943
00:36:53,461 --> 00:36:55,430
Uh... Uh-oh.
944
00:36:55,463 --> 00:36:56,899
[breathes heavily]
945
00:37:00,835 --> 00:37:03,538
Fuck. This is gonna hurt.
946
00:37:07,475 --> 00:37:08,943
All right.
947
00:37:09,210 --> 00:37:10,778
Fuck it.
948
00:37:10,811 --> 00:37:12,713
Let's give the people
what they came for.
949
00:37:12,746 --> 00:37:15,549
- [♪ song stops]
- Let's fuckin' go.
950
00:37:16,484 --> 00:37:18,585
Get your special sock out,
nerds.
951
00:37:18,619 --> 00:37:20,687
It's gonna get good.
952
00:37:21,256 --> 00:37:22,590
[grunts]
953
00:37:27,929 --> 00:37:29,464
[♪ hard rock music playing,
AC/DC "Hells Bells"]
954
00:37:29,497 --> 00:37:30,764
[growls]
955
00:37:31,965 --> 00:37:33,269
[gunshots]
956
00:37:41,675 --> 00:37:43,278
[both grunting]
957
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:46,881
[groans]
958
00:37:53,456 --> 00:37:54,490
[screams]
959
00:37:54,523 --> 00:37:56,225
♪ Hell's bells ♪
960
00:37:58,159 --> 00:38:00,995
♪ I'll give you
black sensations ♪
961
00:38:01,029 --> 00:38:03,899
♪ Up and down your spine ♪
962
00:38:03,933 --> 00:38:07,469
♪ If you're into evil,
you're a friend of mine ♪
963
00:38:07,502 --> 00:38:10,771
♪ See my white light flashing
as I split the night ♪
964
00:38:10,804 --> 00:38:12,706
- [grunts, growls]
- [Deadpool chuckles] Ew.
965
00:38:13,542 --> 00:38:14,876
Gotcha!
966
00:38:14,909 --> 00:38:18,745
♪ I got my bell, I'm gonna
take you to hell ♪
967
00:38:18,779 --> 00:38:21,182
♪ I'm gonna get you,
Satan get you ♪
968
00:38:21,216 --> 00:38:22,782
- Baby Knife!
- [groans]
969
00:38:26,554 --> 00:38:27,689
- [screams]
- Let's see you grow
970
00:38:27,722 --> 00:38:28,890
your fuckin' head back.
971
00:38:28,923 --> 00:38:30,825
Wait, wait, wait!
I can fix it! I can fix it.
972
00:38:30,859 --> 00:38:32,994
- Fix what?
- Whatever it is that you did.
973
00:38:33,727 --> 00:38:35,230
Whatever made you so bad.
974
00:38:35,630 --> 00:38:37,031
Those... Those
975
00:38:37,065 --> 00:38:39,666
pricks in the TVA.
You heard him.
976
00:38:40,667 --> 00:38:41,902
They have the power
to end my universe,
977
00:38:41,935 --> 00:38:45,273
but they also have
the power to change yours.
978
00:38:46,841 --> 00:38:50,078
We get back there,
and we can fix your world.
979
00:38:50,111 --> 00:38:51,279
Together.
980
00:38:52,546 --> 00:38:53,814
I promise.
981
00:38:55,216 --> 00:38:56,417
They can fix it.
982
00:38:57,519 --> 00:38:58,820
[man] Hey!
983
00:38:58,853 --> 00:39:00,955
We fight each other, we lose.
984
00:39:00,989 --> 00:39:02,390
[Deadpool] Dear God, it's him.
985
00:39:02,423 --> 00:39:04,791
- Who?
- [Deadpool] The one.
986
00:39:04,826 --> 00:39:07,728
The superhero equivalent
to comfort food, or Molly.
987
00:39:07,761 --> 00:39:10,398
White guys' answer
to all the disappointments.
988
00:39:10,431 --> 00:39:11,731
And another A-lister.
989
00:39:11,764 --> 00:39:13,168
Fair warning, gorgeous.
990
00:39:13,201 --> 00:39:15,270
You're going to encounter
some indelicate language,
991
00:39:15,303 --> 00:39:17,839
a smidge of ass play,
but we've been prohibited
992
00:39:17,872 --> 00:39:19,740
from using cocaine. On camera.
993
00:39:19,773 --> 00:39:22,009
- [man] They're coming.
- [Deadpool] Who's "they"?
994
00:39:22,042 --> 00:39:24,412
- [engines revving]
- [♪ menacing music playing]
995
00:39:28,682 --> 00:39:30,218
Oh, they're driving angry.
996
00:39:35,190 --> 00:39:36,024
[grunts]
997
00:39:36,057 --> 00:39:37,926
Now that's a superhero landing.
998
00:39:37,959 --> 00:39:40,161
[♪ menacing music continues]
999
00:39:43,665 --> 00:39:45,065
[♪ music stops]
1000
00:39:45,098 --> 00:39:46,301
I got this.
1001
00:39:46,335 --> 00:39:48,336
[♪ menacing music resumes]
1002
00:39:52,673 --> 00:39:53,874
[sniffs]
1003
00:39:58,613 --> 00:40:00,048
[engines revving]
1004
00:40:10,057 --> 00:40:11,292
Stay close.
1005
00:40:11,326 --> 00:40:12,460
[Deadpool] Aye, aye, Cap'n.
1006
00:40:13,759 --> 00:40:14,962
You got this.
1007
00:40:17,031 --> 00:40:20,766
Cassandra is gonna be giddy
when she sees what we caught.
1008
00:40:21,602 --> 00:40:22,703
You can't run.
1009
00:40:22,769 --> 00:40:24,005
Everybody knows that.
1010
00:40:24,037 --> 00:40:27,208
You see anyone runnin',
dick for brains?
1011
00:40:27,242 --> 00:40:29,077
You're not gonna love
what happens next.
1012
00:40:29,110 --> 00:40:31,111
- [Deadpool] Oh. Oh, my God.
- [♪ rousing music playing]
1013
00:40:31,144 --> 00:40:33,448
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, he's gonna say it.
1014
00:40:33,481 --> 00:40:34,514
- Ah! Fuck.
- [Deadpool] Ha!
1015
00:40:34,548 --> 00:40:36,083
Oh, my God! He's gonna say it!
1016
00:40:36,116 --> 00:40:37,852
- Say what?
- Avengers, assemble...
1017
00:40:37,885 --> 00:40:39,320
- Flame on!
- I'm sorry, what now?
1018
00:40:41,722 --> 00:40:43,925
[♪ epic music playing]
1019
00:40:55,469 --> 00:40:57,271
[groans, panting]
1020
00:40:58,940 --> 00:41:01,242
[screaming in distance]
1021
00:41:01,276 --> 00:41:02,643
- [clang]
- Ohh!
1022
00:41:02,676 --> 00:41:04,012
Fuck!
1023
00:41:04,045 --> 00:41:05,046
Ahhh!
1024
00:41:05,612 --> 00:41:06,812
[grunts]
1025
00:41:07,982 --> 00:41:10,285
- We don't know that guy.
- [Deadpool] We thought we did.
1026
00:41:10,318 --> 00:41:12,386
I know you.
1027
00:41:12,419 --> 00:41:14,454
- [Deadpool] Holy sh...
- [Sabretooth snarls]
1028
00:41:15,088 --> 00:41:16,123
[growls]
1029
00:41:16,156 --> 00:41:17,157
Sabretooth.
1030
00:41:17,592 --> 00:41:18,792
Your brother.
1031
00:41:19,527 --> 00:41:21,296
Ready to die?
1032
00:41:21,329 --> 00:41:24,031
[Deadpool] Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait! Time!
1033
00:41:24,598 --> 00:41:26,199
You look ridiculous.
1034
00:41:26,233 --> 00:41:28,936
People have waited decades
for this fight.
1035
00:41:28,970 --> 00:41:30,803
It's not gonna be easy.
Baby Knife.
1036
00:41:30,837 --> 00:41:32,739
Shoot the double,
you take him down.
1037
00:41:32,774 --> 00:41:34,875
Side control, then full mount,
1038
00:41:34,908 --> 00:41:36,276
and you ground and pound
1039
00:41:36,310 --> 00:41:37,979
till he makes no sound
because he's dead.
1040
00:41:38,012 --> 00:41:39,981
- Shut the fuck up!
- [Deadpool] Oh, my God!
1041
00:41:40,014 --> 00:41:42,450
Okay. Good luck.
I'm a huge fan.
1042
00:41:42,483 --> 00:41:43,984
[breathing heavily]
1043
00:41:45,485 --> 00:41:46,520
[laughs]
1044
00:41:47,621 --> 00:41:49,056
[roars]
1045
00:41:49,090 --> 00:41:50,491
[roars]
1046
00:41:54,494 --> 00:41:56,029
- [gurgling]
- [Deadpool] What is it, girl?
1047
00:41:56,063 --> 00:41:57,964
- Is there trouble at the well?
- [flesh squelching]
1048
00:42:02,803 --> 00:42:04,472
[laughs] Big trouble.
1049
00:42:04,504 --> 00:42:06,173
Behold!
1050
00:42:06,206 --> 00:42:09,410
The head of your precious queen,
1051
00:42:09,444 --> 00:42:10,445
Furiosa!
1052
00:42:11,578 --> 00:42:13,413
I have the Wolverine!
1053
00:42:13,447 --> 00:42:16,616
I alone control her!
1054
00:42:16,650 --> 00:42:18,953
You come for me,
1055
00:42:18,986 --> 00:42:21,488
you come for her.
1056
00:42:23,090 --> 00:42:24,991
So sorry.
I know it's pronounced "him."
1057
00:42:25,025 --> 00:42:26,893
I'm gender blind.
It's my cross to bear.
1058
00:42:26,927 --> 00:42:28,361
Who's next?
1059
00:42:28,395 --> 00:42:29,530
- Toad!
- [snarls]
1060
00:42:29,564 --> 00:42:30,864
You're up.
1061
00:42:33,467 --> 00:42:34,735
[yells]
1062
00:42:34,768 --> 00:42:35,968
[both grunt]
1063
00:42:37,870 --> 00:42:38,904
[Deadpool] Uh-oh.
1064
00:42:38,939 --> 00:42:40,308
- Oh, holy sh...
- Fuck.
1065
00:42:40,340 --> 00:42:41,341
[thud]
1066
00:42:42,743 --> 00:42:44,644
[creatures squeaking]
1067
00:42:49,049 --> 00:42:51,051
[Deadpool groans, mumbles]
1068
00:42:51,652 --> 00:42:53,153
[Deadpool] God of Thunder.
1069
00:42:54,688 --> 00:42:55,889
[Deadpool grunts]
1070
00:42:56,956 --> 00:42:58,492
How long was I asleep?
1071
00:42:58,525 --> 00:43:00,161
Not all of you was asleep.
1072
00:43:00,194 --> 00:43:01,795
- [Deadpool grunts]
- Don't bother.
1073
00:43:01,829 --> 00:43:04,097
They're very thorough.
1074
00:43:04,131 --> 00:43:06,366
If you know where we are,
start talking.
1075
00:43:06,967 --> 00:43:08,634
You're in The Void.
1076
00:43:08,668 --> 00:43:10,772
Think of it as purgatory.
1077
00:43:10,805 --> 00:43:13,140
Reed called it
a metaphysical junkyard.
1078
00:43:13,173 --> 00:43:14,741
Where anything useless goes
1079
00:43:14,775 --> 00:43:16,977
before it gets
annihilated forever.
1080
00:43:17,010 --> 00:43:19,846
And where the TVA sends
people that don't play nice
1081
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:21,014
with the rest of the multiverse.
1082
00:43:21,047 --> 00:43:22,783
- Like you?
- And you.
1083
00:43:22,817 --> 00:43:24,317
[Deadpool] What does
the annihilating?
1084
00:43:24,785 --> 00:43:25,819
Alioth.
1085
00:43:25,852 --> 00:43:27,287
[Deadpool]
Alioth is in this thing?
1086
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:29,388
From Loki, Season 1, Episode 5?
1087
00:43:29,422 --> 00:43:31,591
Everyone here
is on the run from Alioth.
1088
00:43:32,125 --> 00:43:33,794
Most don't make it.
1089
00:43:33,828 --> 00:43:35,863
There's a resistance, though.
1090
00:43:35,897 --> 00:43:38,931
Other people like us
that managed to survive.
1091
00:43:38,964 --> 00:43:40,333
They're hidin' out
in the borderlands,
1092
00:43:40,367 --> 00:43:42,837
trying to find a way
the fuck outta here.
1093
00:43:42,870 --> 00:43:44,237
Then that's where we go.
1094
00:43:44,271 --> 00:43:46,239
[Deadpool] "We"? Us? A team?
1095
00:43:46,273 --> 00:43:48,308
The answer is yes.
Shake on it.
1096
00:43:48,909 --> 00:43:50,143
Fuck! You nicked it.
1097
00:43:50,177 --> 00:43:52,212
Just got the tip with
your little steak knife.
1098
00:43:52,245 --> 00:43:54,414
These "others" can help us
get back to the TVA.
1099
00:43:54,448 --> 00:43:55,481
Make 'em fix things.
1100
00:43:55,514 --> 00:43:57,684
[laughs sardonically]
1101
00:43:57,717 --> 00:43:59,185
Something funny, bub?
1102
00:43:59,218 --> 00:44:00,987
She might have somethin'
to say about that.
1103
00:44:01,021 --> 00:44:02,289
Who's "she"?
1104
00:44:03,557 --> 00:44:04,758
In The Void,
1105
00:44:04,791 --> 00:44:06,526
you're either food for Alioth
1106
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:09,196
or you work for her.
1107
00:44:09,229 --> 00:44:11,431
[♪ stirring music playing]
1108
00:44:21,341 --> 00:44:22,409
[engine roars]
1109
00:44:30,851 --> 00:44:32,219
[metal creaking]
1110
00:44:33,019 --> 00:44:34,454
[heavy metallic thud]
1111
00:44:41,896 --> 00:44:43,562
[engine roaring]
1112
00:44:54,708 --> 00:44:57,043
[♪ tense music playing]
1113
00:45:06,019 --> 00:45:07,486
[grunts]
1114
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:08,688
[growls quietly]
1115
00:45:09,489 --> 00:45:10,490
[grunts]
1116
00:45:21,534 --> 00:45:24,571
[Deadpool] Huh.
Paul Rudd finally aged.
1117
00:45:24,604 --> 00:45:26,372
Oh, you must be
this year's Juggernaut.
1118
00:45:26,405 --> 00:45:28,140
- Thank you.
- I'd keep your voices down.
1119
00:45:28,173 --> 00:45:29,575
She don't like the chatter.
1120
00:45:29,608 --> 00:45:30,809
She's gonna love you.
1121
00:45:32,211 --> 00:45:34,413
[♪ slow dramatic
music building]
1122
00:45:46,928 --> 00:45:48,661
[Deadpool] Is it...
Is that Charles?
1123
00:45:48,694 --> 00:45:50,931
Hey... Hey, Chuck! It's us!
1124
00:45:50,964 --> 00:45:52,298
That's not Chuck.
1125
00:45:52,331 --> 00:45:53,532
Ah, shit.
1126
00:45:54,902 --> 00:45:56,402
[Deadpool] Oh, ableism. Great.
1127
00:45:56,435 --> 00:45:58,939
That's not gonna go over well
with the woke mob.
1128
00:45:58,972 --> 00:46:01,007
A Wolverine.
1129
00:46:01,041 --> 00:46:03,475
I wondered when
I'd get one of you.
1130
00:46:04,076 --> 00:46:05,312
You're one of Xavier's.
1131
00:46:05,345 --> 00:46:07,013
[Deadpool] You-You know him?
You know Chuck?
1132
00:46:07,048 --> 00:46:08,514
Oh, I knew him.
1133
00:46:08,547 --> 00:46:09,951
We shared a womb.
1134
00:46:09,984 --> 00:46:12,151
Tried to strangle
the sly little fellow
1135
00:46:12,184 --> 00:46:13,618
with my umbilical cord.
1136
00:46:13,651 --> 00:46:17,089
[Deadpool] Amen. I've never
loved roommates. Mine's blind.
1137
00:46:17,122 --> 00:46:18,791
Except she can see cocaine.
1138
00:46:18,825 --> 00:46:20,259
For some... reason.
1139
00:46:20,292 --> 00:46:23,429
You want to chime in,
Your Majesty? I'm dying here.
1140
00:46:23,462 --> 00:46:24,464
Who are you?
1141
00:46:24,497 --> 00:46:27,500
Charles Xavier's twin,
Cassandra Nova.
1142
00:46:27,533 --> 00:46:29,169
- Bullshit!
- I was an anal birth.
1143
00:46:29,202 --> 00:46:31,937
Hmm. You two are cute.
1144
00:46:31,972 --> 00:46:33,505
I have a good feeling
about this.
1145
00:46:36,342 --> 00:46:37,443
And I've been trying to catch
1146
00:46:37,476 --> 00:46:39,545
this little firefly for years.
1147
00:46:40,179 --> 00:46:41,848
Haven't I, Johnny?
1148
00:46:41,881 --> 00:46:45,250
Aw... You picked the wrong
time to make new friends.
1149
00:46:45,284 --> 00:46:47,653
[Deadpool] Oh, Johnny told us
all about you.
1150
00:46:47,686 --> 00:46:49,222
- Maybe shut up now.
- Yeah, maybe don't...
1151
00:46:49,255 --> 00:46:50,322
[Deadpool]
We're just talkin' here.
1152
00:46:50,356 --> 00:46:51,490
Yeah, Johnny told us
1153
00:46:51,523 --> 00:46:53,692
you're a psychotic
megalomaniacal asshole.
1154
00:46:53,726 --> 00:46:57,363
His words, not mine. Hellbent
on domination and pain.
1155
00:46:58,330 --> 00:46:59,899
You said all that about me?
1156
00:46:59,933 --> 00:47:01,633
No! No! I don't...
1157
00:47:01,666 --> 00:47:03,903
- I didn't say any of that!
- Sticks and stones, Johnny!
1158
00:47:05,404 --> 00:47:07,406
Don't let her intimidate you.
1159
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:09,308
It's like you said
in the convoy.
1160
00:47:09,341 --> 00:47:11,276
This finger-lickin' dead-inside
1161
00:47:11,310 --> 00:47:14,213
pixie slab of third rate
dime-store nut-milk
1162
00:47:14,246 --> 00:47:16,083
can eat your delicious
cinnamon ring
1163
00:47:16,117 --> 00:47:18,217
and kick rocks
all the way to bald hell.
1164
00:47:18,250 --> 00:47:20,319
Okay. I have never said
any of those words
1165
00:47:20,352 --> 00:47:22,488
- in my entire life!
- [Deadpool] Ha! The modesty.
1166
00:47:22,521 --> 00:47:24,522
People think I'm a shit talker.
1167
00:47:24,555 --> 00:47:25,659
But this guy...
1168
00:47:25,692 --> 00:47:26,793
[smooches] Next level.
1169
00:47:26,827 --> 00:47:28,962
What? This... I... We...
1170
00:47:28,995 --> 00:47:30,329
I don't even know
what half of that means!
1171
00:47:30,362 --> 00:47:32,098
- This... I...
- My hat's off to you, sir.
1172
00:47:32,132 --> 00:47:33,164
- Truly.
- What? This...
1173
00:47:33,197 --> 00:47:35,166
I didn't... He's...
That's... I...
1174
00:47:35,199 --> 00:47:36,836
I... I don't...
1175
00:47:36,870 --> 00:47:38,771
- [Deadpool gasps]
- [heart beats]
1176
00:47:41,907 --> 00:47:43,009
[Deadpool]
Not my favorite Chris.
1177
00:47:43,043 --> 00:47:44,410
You stupid piece of shit.
1178
00:47:44,442 --> 00:47:45,510
You just got him fucking killed!
1179
00:47:45,543 --> 00:47:47,413
[Deadpool] Hey!
We're all grieving!
1180
00:47:47,446 --> 00:47:49,715
PS, do you know what
he was doing to the budget?
1181
00:47:49,748 --> 00:47:50,950
[shushing]
1182
00:47:52,251 --> 00:47:54,821
Alioth is hungry.
1183
00:47:54,854 --> 00:47:56,523
[Deadpool] There's been
some kind of mistake.
1184
00:47:56,556 --> 00:47:58,524
Big yellow is
a back-up Anchor Being,
1185
00:47:58,557 --> 00:48:01,193
and I'm Marvel Jesus.
MJ, if you're nasty.
1186
00:48:01,226 --> 00:48:02,261
This may be hard to hear,
1187
00:48:02,294 --> 00:48:03,996
but there's
another British villain
1188
00:48:04,030 --> 00:48:05,131
who's gonna destroy my universe,
1189
00:48:05,165 --> 00:48:06,298
and I'm gonna stop him.
1190
00:48:06,331 --> 00:48:07,834
Oh, honey,
you don't really strike me
1191
00:48:07,868 --> 00:48:09,501
as the world-saving type.
1192
00:48:10,436 --> 00:48:11,871
[thunder rumbling in distance]
1193
00:48:11,905 --> 00:48:13,739
Did I hit a nerve?
1194
00:48:13,772 --> 00:48:15,473
[Deadpool] I didn't want it
to come to this.
1195
00:48:16,108 --> 00:48:17,143
Either you help us
1196
00:48:17,177 --> 00:48:18,510
or my friend here is gonna sing
1197
00:48:18,544 --> 00:48:20,345
the entire second act
of Music Man
1198
00:48:20,379 --> 00:48:21,613
with zero warm-up.
1199
00:48:22,314 --> 00:48:23,582
Where'd you get the chair?
1200
00:48:23,615 --> 00:48:24,649
[Cassandra Nova]
Well, once in a while,
1201
00:48:24,682 --> 00:48:26,719
I do get a Charles through here.
1202
00:48:26,752 --> 00:48:28,154
Never mine, though.
1203
00:48:28,188 --> 00:48:31,356
No. He didn't care to find me.
1204
00:48:31,390 --> 00:48:34,961
[Deadpool groans] Gen Z
and their trauma-bragging!
1205
00:48:34,994 --> 00:48:37,931
Can't you just stuff it down,
turn it into accomplishment
1206
00:48:37,964 --> 00:48:39,565
or cancer like the rest of us?
1207
00:48:39,598 --> 00:48:41,433
But I'm not like
the rest of you.
1208
00:48:41,467 --> 00:48:43,402
Except maybe the Wolverine.
1209
00:48:43,435 --> 00:48:46,071
Now, we could be
truly terrifying together.
1210
00:48:46,105 --> 00:48:47,406
You're that scary, huh?
1211
00:48:47,439 --> 00:48:49,742
The TVA certainly thought so.
1212
00:48:49,775 --> 00:48:52,411
They sent me here
before I could walk.
1213
00:48:52,444 --> 00:48:53,913
And you know,
it's the best thing
1214
00:48:53,947 --> 00:48:55,713
that ever happened to me.
1215
00:48:55,747 --> 00:48:56,614
I love it here.
1216
00:48:56,647 --> 00:48:57,984
[Deadpool] You live
in a garbage dump.
1217
00:48:58,017 --> 00:49:01,385
I think we both know who lives
in the garbage dump.
1218
00:49:01,419 --> 00:49:03,254
The Void is a paradise.
1219
00:49:03,287 --> 00:49:07,392
I can wield my power here
without shame.
1220
00:49:07,426 --> 00:49:09,394
Unfortunately I had
no Charles Xavier
1221
00:49:09,428 --> 00:49:11,396
to teach me temperance.
1222
00:49:11,430 --> 00:49:13,398
What about your Charles?
1223
00:49:13,432 --> 00:49:14,732
Did he protect you?
1224
00:49:15,366 --> 00:49:17,535
Did he make you feel safe?
1225
00:49:17,568 --> 00:49:19,505
We're mutants.
We're never safe.
1226
00:49:19,538 --> 00:49:21,941
- [roars]
- [Cassandra whoops]
1227
00:49:22,274 --> 00:49:23,474
[chuckles]
1228
00:49:23,843 --> 00:49:24,911
[whoops]
1229
00:49:27,612 --> 00:49:28,647
[Deadpool] Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
1230
00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:30,449
I don't...
I don't want the smoke.
1231
00:49:30,482 --> 00:49:31,650
I don't have any beef with you.
1232
00:49:31,683 --> 00:49:33,285
I just want to save my friends.
1233
00:49:33,318 --> 00:49:34,585
I just... I want to go home.
1234
00:49:34,619 --> 00:49:36,454
Well, the thing is,
I could get you home.
1235
00:49:36,487 --> 00:49:38,258
- Good.
- But I don't want to.
1236
00:49:38,290 --> 00:49:40,559
[Deadpool] Not good.
[groaning]
1237
00:49:42,962 --> 00:49:45,496
What do you want, Wade Wilson?
1238
00:49:45,530 --> 00:49:48,033
[Deadpool straining] Your...
fingers are inside me,
1239
00:49:48,066 --> 00:49:49,301
but not in a good way.
1240
00:49:49,334 --> 00:49:52,303
My brother could enter
one's mind with a thought.
1241
00:49:52,336 --> 00:49:54,639
I have to get my hands dirty.
1242
00:49:54,672 --> 00:49:56,975
- [Deadpool groaning]
- [shushing]
1243
00:49:57,708 --> 00:49:58,978
I've got you.
1244
00:50:01,313 --> 00:50:02,713
[whispers] I've got you...
1245
00:50:05,117 --> 00:50:06,350
[Wade, muffled]
What do you mean?
1246
00:50:07,986 --> 00:50:10,824
I can't... I can't reach you.
You're not here.
1247
00:50:10,857 --> 00:50:12,524
I'm right here.
1248
00:50:12,558 --> 00:50:15,527
- No, you're not. I can't...
- I'm right here.
1249
00:50:15,561 --> 00:50:17,762
Then show me.
You got to do something.
1250
00:50:18,997 --> 00:50:20,432
Show you what?
1251
00:50:20,465 --> 00:50:24,335
Show me you care about
something bigger than you.
1252
00:50:24,368 --> 00:50:28,406
Ever since they turned you
down, you took a knee.
1253
00:50:29,074 --> 00:50:31,044
Baby, you never got back up.
1254
00:50:33,212 --> 00:50:35,080
I know you're
going through something.
1255
00:50:35,113 --> 00:50:37,983
Let me go through it with you.
1256
00:50:38,016 --> 00:50:40,419
- Your crazy matches my crazy.
- Your crazy matches my crazy.
1257
00:50:43,522 --> 00:50:44,923
Where'd you go?
1258
00:50:45,423 --> 00:50:46,892
[Wade] Oh, my God.
1259
00:50:48,260 --> 00:50:49,862
[♪ melancholy music playing]
1260
00:50:49,895 --> 00:50:51,596
You just say it. Okay?
1261
00:50:52,297 --> 00:50:53,332
Say, "I don't want you.
1262
00:50:53,364 --> 00:50:55,800
"I don't want to be with you."
1263
00:50:55,834 --> 00:50:57,302
Go ahead. Say it.
Say... Say, "I don't..."
1264
00:50:57,336 --> 00:50:58,769
Say it.
You don't wanna be with me.
1265
00:50:58,803 --> 00:51:00,272
Tell me that and I'll walk away.
1266
00:51:00,305 --> 00:51:01,340
Say, "I don't want you."
1267
00:51:01,372 --> 00:51:03,674
[♪ melancholy music continues]
1268
00:51:07,511 --> 00:51:09,181
[sighs] Fuck...
1269
00:51:09,214 --> 00:51:11,850
You'll never fucking matter.
1270
00:51:15,753 --> 00:51:17,588
What?
1271
00:51:17,622 --> 00:51:20,424
- You'll never fucking matter.
- Fucking matter.
1272
00:51:20,458 --> 00:51:22,794
[♪ melancholy music continues]
1273
00:51:26,366 --> 00:51:29,000
- [Vanessa] You'll...
- [Cassandra] You'll...
1274
00:51:29,033 --> 00:51:30,969
- never...
- never...
1275
00:51:31,003 --> 00:51:32,238
- fucking...
- fucking...
1276
00:51:32,272 --> 00:51:35,108
- matter.
- matter...
1277
00:51:37,142 --> 00:51:38,476
[Deadpool]
She never said that.
1278
00:51:38,509 --> 00:51:39,609
- [Cassandra] No.
- [groans]
1279
00:51:39,643 --> 00:51:41,579
[in mocking tone]
But I bet she thought it.
1280
00:51:41,612 --> 00:51:42,647
[Deadpool splutters]
1281
00:51:42,681 --> 00:51:45,416
[Deadpool groans]
You are so mean!
1282
00:51:45,449 --> 00:51:46,584
My brain could taste
your fingers,
1283
00:51:46,617 --> 00:51:48,753
and they tasted like hate!
1284
00:51:48,786 --> 00:51:51,490
And where in God's name
is the intimacy coordinator?
1285
00:51:51,523 --> 00:51:54,327
You're so lost, Mr. Wilson.
1286
00:51:54,359 --> 00:51:56,761
And long before you came here.
1287
00:51:58,163 --> 00:51:59,197
This is Baby Knife.
1288
00:51:59,231 --> 00:52:00,497
She's gonna fuck you
in the face now.
1289
00:52:00,530 --> 00:52:01,799
If you want to kill me,
1290
00:52:01,834 --> 00:52:03,701
it's going to take
more than a little blade.
1291
00:52:03,734 --> 00:52:05,536
[Deadpool] How about six?
1292
00:52:05,569 --> 00:52:09,240
[laughs mockingly]
My boy's wicked strong.
1293
00:52:09,273 --> 00:52:10,909
That's my big boy.
1294
00:52:10,942 --> 00:52:12,412
Yes, you are.
1295
00:52:12,444 --> 00:52:13,711
[groans]
1296
00:52:14,380 --> 00:52:15,579
[laughs]
1297
00:52:18,482 --> 00:52:20,051
[Cassandra]
Well, this has been fun.
1298
00:52:20,085 --> 00:52:22,354
But the big guy needs to eat,
and the rent is due.
1299
00:52:22,387 --> 00:52:24,122
- [eerie roar]
- [thunder roaring]
1300
00:52:25,790 --> 00:52:26,825
By the way,
1301
00:52:26,858 --> 00:52:28,293
you're the rent.
1302
00:52:28,327 --> 00:52:30,527
[rumbling]
1303
00:52:38,269 --> 00:52:39,603
[roars]
1304
00:52:42,941 --> 00:52:43,976
[henchmen screaming]
1305
00:52:47,478 --> 00:52:50,314
- [electrical whine]
- Come on! Fuck!
1306
00:52:50,348 --> 00:52:51,514
- [engine starts]
- You comin' or what?
1307
00:52:51,548 --> 00:52:52,751
[Deadpool] Coming!
1308
00:53:02,961 --> 00:53:05,163
[engine sputtering in distance]
1309
00:53:07,865 --> 00:53:09,566
- [distant scream]
- [engine bursts]
1310
00:53:10,035 --> 00:53:11,369
[grunting]
1311
00:53:11,402 --> 00:53:12,702
[both groan]
1312
00:53:12,736 --> 00:53:13,805
What you thinkin' 'bout?
1313
00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:15,506
- Get the fuck off of me!
- Shh, shh, shh.
1314
00:53:15,539 --> 00:53:17,641
- [strains] Almost done.
- Almost done what?
1315
00:53:17,675 --> 00:53:19,577
Getting my knife out
of your buttocks,
1316
00:53:19,610 --> 00:53:21,345
- pervert!
- Aah! Fuck!
1317
00:53:21,379 --> 00:53:23,248
Get your mind out of my pants!
1318
00:53:23,281 --> 00:53:25,616
- I'm telling Blake.
- New rules.
1319
00:53:25,984 --> 00:53:26,852
I talk now.
1320
00:53:26,885 --> 00:53:28,420
That's gonna be very hard
on the audience.
1321
00:53:28,453 --> 00:53:31,056
Shut the fuck up!
1322
00:53:31,089 --> 00:53:32,090
Let me fuckin' think.
1323
00:53:32,124 --> 00:53:34,192
Now we gotta get back
to Paradox, right?
1324
00:53:36,128 --> 00:53:37,728
Right?
1325
00:53:37,762 --> 00:53:39,965
Je m'excuse. Am I allowed
to speak now or...
1326
00:53:39,998 --> 00:53:42,266
Just nod, asshole.
1327
00:53:43,969 --> 00:53:44,970
Right.
1328
00:53:45,003 --> 00:53:46,537
Then we find the others
that poor kid, Johnny,
1329
00:53:46,570 --> 00:53:47,805
was talking about
before you got him killed!
1330
00:53:47,839 --> 00:53:49,640
[Deadpool] "Poor kid."
He's, like, 50!
1331
00:53:49,673 --> 00:53:50,707
Yeah, if there's
a chance they know
1332
00:53:50,740 --> 00:53:52,376
how to get out of here,
we find 'em.
1333
00:53:52,410 --> 00:53:54,379
And make those TVA fuckers
fix my shit
1334
00:53:54,413 --> 00:53:55,713
like you fucking promised!
1335
00:53:55,746 --> 00:53:57,215
[Deadpool] I smell quest.
1336
00:53:57,249 --> 00:53:58,748
[sniffing]
1337
00:54:00,018 --> 00:54:01,019
I smell food.
1338
00:54:04,156 --> 00:54:07,826
So what made you finally wear
an honest-to-God costume?
1339
00:54:09,394 --> 00:54:11,561
Mine's red
so they can't see me bleed.
1340
00:54:11,594 --> 00:54:14,433
But I could see how
yellow would be useful too.
1341
00:54:14,466 --> 00:54:16,101
Have you been checked for ADHD?
1342
00:54:16,134 --> 00:54:17,436
Mm-mm.
1343
00:54:17,469 --> 00:54:19,569
But I've had several STDs,
1344
00:54:19,602 --> 00:54:21,771
which were probably caused
by ADHD.
1345
00:54:21,805 --> 00:54:22,874
Fuck!
1346
00:54:23,773 --> 00:54:25,377
What are you looking for?
1347
00:54:25,410 --> 00:54:26,978
Oh. Thank fuck.
1348
00:54:28,046 --> 00:54:29,914
No, no, no, no, no.
That's rubbing alcohol.
1349
00:54:29,947 --> 00:54:31,450
You don't want to drink...
Oh, yeah.
1350
00:54:31,483 --> 00:54:32,883
There you go. Fuck that liver.
1351
00:54:33,284 --> 00:54:34,318
[exhales]
1352
00:54:34,351 --> 00:54:36,220
- Good. Okay.
- [sighs]
1353
00:54:37,255 --> 00:54:38,356
What the fuck are those?
1354
00:54:38,989 --> 00:54:39,857
Oh.
1355
00:54:39,890 --> 00:54:41,826
Back in civilian life,
I wear a toupee,
1356
00:54:41,859 --> 00:54:43,561
but nobody knows. [chuckles]
1357
00:54:43,593 --> 00:54:44,863
[laughing]
1358
00:54:45,997 --> 00:54:47,597
Everybody knows.
1359
00:54:50,034 --> 00:54:51,602
Wanna talk about
what's haunting you,
1360
00:54:51,635 --> 00:54:53,871
or should we wait
for a third act flashback?
1361
00:54:53,904 --> 00:54:56,007
Ah... Go fuck yourself.
1362
00:54:59,277 --> 00:55:00,278
You know...
1363
00:55:01,846 --> 00:55:04,181
in my world, you're...
[clears throat]
1364
00:55:05,417 --> 00:55:06,616
You're well regarded.
1365
00:55:06,649 --> 00:55:08,286
Yeah, well, not in mine.
1366
00:55:09,253 --> 00:55:11,188
They don't like me much
in mine either.
1367
00:55:11,222 --> 00:55:12,622
You don't say.
1368
00:55:12,655 --> 00:55:14,724
I wanted to be something,
you know. I...
1369
00:55:15,594 --> 00:55:17,328
Shit, I wanted to be an Avenger.
1370
00:55:17,361 --> 00:55:19,762
- Fuck the Avengers.
- Yeah.
1371
00:55:19,796 --> 00:55:22,066
I didn't make the cut, though.
Same with the X-Men...
1372
00:55:24,001 --> 00:55:25,068
When my girlfriend left me,
1373
00:55:25,101 --> 00:55:26,670
- and I just...
- You had a girlfriend?
1374
00:55:27,037 --> 00:55:28,073
Yeah.
1375
00:55:28,472 --> 00:55:29,840
Vanessa.
1376
00:55:29,874 --> 00:55:31,408
When we met, she was a dancer.
1377
00:55:32,576 --> 00:55:33,776
We had a whole life.
1378
00:55:35,012 --> 00:55:36,614
It was good.
1379
00:55:36,647 --> 00:55:38,850
But, oh, boy, I just... Mwah.
1380
00:55:39,917 --> 00:55:41,718
Fucked that right up.
1381
00:55:42,419 --> 00:55:43,554
But you,
1382
00:55:43,587 --> 00:55:44,922
you were an X-Man.
1383
00:55:44,955 --> 00:55:47,024
Fuck that.
You were the X-Man. You...
1384
00:55:48,758 --> 00:55:50,095
The Wolverine.
1385
00:55:52,396 --> 00:55:54,031
He was a hero in my world.
1386
00:55:55,797 --> 00:55:57,002
Yeah, well...
1387
00:55:58,169 --> 00:55:59,303
he ain't shit in mine.
1388
00:56:04,741 --> 00:56:07,345
You said, "Logan was a hero."
What happened?
1389
00:56:08,245 --> 00:56:09,247
He died.
1390
00:56:09,914 --> 00:56:11,248
How?
1391
00:56:11,282 --> 00:56:13,883
Well, technically, you were
chest-fucked by a tree, but,
1392
00:56:13,917 --> 00:56:15,684
really, you just
ran out of batteries
1393
00:56:15,717 --> 00:56:17,956
- trying to save someone.
- Who?
1394
00:56:17,989 --> 00:56:19,858
The shitheels
that grew her in a lab
1395
00:56:19,891 --> 00:56:21,425
called her "X-23." But...
1396
00:56:22,226 --> 00:56:23,928
she was just a kid.
1397
00:56:23,961 --> 00:56:27,599
A younger, daintier,
somehow meaner version of you.
1398
00:56:27,632 --> 00:56:29,401
You died trying to save her.
1399
00:56:29,434 --> 00:56:30,901
It was beautiful.
1400
00:56:30,935 --> 00:56:33,904
Look, mijo,
I know you're hurtin'.
1401
00:56:33,938 --> 00:56:36,340
My blind, elderly,
African-American roommate,
1402
00:56:36,373 --> 00:56:39,610
Blind Al, always says that
pain teaches us who we are.
1403
00:56:39,643 --> 00:56:41,312
Sometimes we need to listen
to that pain
1404
00:56:41,345 --> 00:56:42,379
instead of running from it.
1405
00:56:42,413 --> 00:56:44,048
- Holy shit.
- Yeah, she's wise.
1406
00:56:44,081 --> 00:56:46,684
No, no, no. That's her name?
You call her "Blind Al"?
1407
00:56:46,716 --> 00:56:47,919
Well, she's blind.
1408
00:56:48,352 --> 00:56:49,588
[dog barking]
1409
00:56:49,621 --> 00:56:52,722
[♪ ballad music plays, Chris
de Burgh "The Lady in Red"]
1410
00:56:59,697 --> 00:57:04,301
♪ I've never seen you looking
so lovely as you did tonight ♪
1411
00:57:04,335 --> 00:57:09,940
♪ I've never seen you shine
so bright, mm-hmm, hmm ♪
1412
00:57:10,841 --> 00:57:14,511
♪ The lady in red ♪
1413
00:57:16,779 --> 00:57:19,749
♪ Is dancing with me ♪
1414
00:57:20,951 --> 00:57:23,019
♪ Cheek to cheek ♪
1415
00:57:23,052 --> 00:57:25,422
♪ There's nobody here... ♪
1416
00:57:25,456 --> 00:57:26,755
Look at you!
1417
00:57:26,788 --> 00:57:27,891
She's coming with us.
1418
00:57:27,925 --> 00:57:29,828
- No, she's not. Fuck no!
- Oh, yes, she is.
1419
00:57:29,861 --> 00:57:31,262
- Oh, yes...
- [man] Sorry!
1420
00:57:31,295 --> 00:57:33,998
- [♪ song stops]
- Sorry about that!
1421
00:57:34,031 --> 00:57:36,266
Come here, girl! [chuckles]
1422
00:57:36,299 --> 00:57:37,568
Who are you?
1423
00:57:37,601 --> 00:57:38,936
Oh, I'm Deadpool.
1424
00:57:38,969 --> 00:57:40,738
And I guess you're Deadpool too.
1425
00:57:40,770 --> 00:57:42,840
But in here, everybody
calls me "Nicepool."
1426
00:57:42,873 --> 00:57:44,541
Oh, my goodness.
Wait till you see Ladypool.
1427
00:57:44,575 --> 00:57:45,942
She is gorgeous.
1428
00:57:45,975 --> 00:57:48,112
She just had a baby too.
And... [blows sharply]
1429
00:57:48,145 --> 00:57:49,080
Can't even tell.
1430
00:57:49,114 --> 00:57:50,581
I don't think you're supposed
to say that.
1431
00:57:50,614 --> 00:57:52,049
That's okay.
1432
00:57:52,082 --> 00:57:53,683
I identify as a feminist.
1433
00:57:53,716 --> 00:57:54,918
Right.
1434
00:57:56,552 --> 00:57:57,855
Are those gold-plated,
1435
00:57:57,887 --> 00:58:00,024
.50 caliber Desert Eagle
pistoleros?
1436
00:58:00,057 --> 00:58:01,058
'Course.
1437
00:58:01,091 --> 00:58:02,426
To match my ear huggie.
1438
00:58:02,459 --> 00:58:03,761
Can I have 'em?
1439
00:58:03,793 --> 00:58:05,696
[laughs] Over my dead body.
1440
00:58:05,728 --> 00:58:06,963
[chuckles] You're fun.
1441
00:58:06,996 --> 00:58:09,466
And I guess you've
already met Mary Puppins.
1442
00:58:09,500 --> 00:58:11,268
AKA Dogpool.
1443
00:58:11,302 --> 00:58:12,636
Careful where you put
your hands.
1444
00:58:12,670 --> 00:58:15,405
She's ninety percent g-spot,
and she'll let you know it.
1445
00:58:15,438 --> 00:58:19,108
You let this little flirt out
of your sight for one second
1446
00:58:19,142 --> 00:58:21,278
and she starts shopping
for a new papa.
1447
00:58:21,312 --> 00:58:23,446
If you can't be
a responsible pet owner,
1448
00:58:23,479 --> 00:58:26,249
then maybe you don't deserve
this little unicorn.
1449
00:58:26,282 --> 00:58:28,518
Guilty on all charges,
Your Honor.
1450
00:58:28,551 --> 00:58:29,585
Shan't happen again.
1451
00:58:29,619 --> 00:58:31,087
Why are you so nice?
1452
00:58:31,120 --> 00:58:32,723
Oh, it costs nothing to be kind.
1453
00:58:32,756 --> 00:58:34,557
Shutting the fuck up
is also free.
1454
00:58:34,590 --> 00:58:36,026
- Caliente.
- This is Logan.
1455
00:58:36,060 --> 00:58:37,193
He's usually shirtless,
1456
00:58:37,226 --> 00:58:39,128
but he's let himself go
since the divorce.
1457
00:58:40,397 --> 00:58:42,032
Where's your mask?
1458
00:58:44,601 --> 00:58:45,636
Come on, guys.
1459
00:58:45,669 --> 00:58:47,170
[bird screeches in distance]
1460
00:58:47,203 --> 00:58:48,171
Ugh, this guy.
1461
00:58:48,204 --> 00:58:49,739
We're looking
for a group of survivors.
1462
00:58:49,772 --> 00:58:50,874
Oh, they're out there.
1463
00:58:50,908 --> 00:58:52,676
Yeah, but merc to merc,
you better hope
1464
00:58:52,710 --> 00:58:54,478
that you don't run
into the Deadpool corps.
1465
00:58:54,511 --> 00:58:55,479
Yeah, they're crazy.
1466
00:58:55,512 --> 00:58:57,181
They will chop you up
into a thousand pieces
1467
00:58:57,214 --> 00:58:58,481
and hide you all over The Void.
1468
00:58:58,514 --> 00:59:00,484
If they could only process
their childhood trauma,
1469
00:59:00,517 --> 00:59:02,353
they'd go on one heck
of a healing journey.
1470
00:59:02,386 --> 00:59:03,653
Look, we're headed
for the borderlands.
1471
00:59:03,686 --> 00:59:04,955
You know where it is?
1472
00:59:04,988 --> 00:59:07,758
Yeah, that...
that's 12 klicks due west.
1473
00:59:07,790 --> 00:59:09,092
I can lend you my ride,
if you like.
1474
00:59:09,125 --> 00:59:11,195
It would be my honor.
1475
00:59:13,564 --> 00:59:14,565
[birds chirping]
1476
00:59:14,598 --> 00:59:16,766
[Deadpool] Oh, no, no, no, no.
Absolutely not.
1477
00:59:16,799 --> 00:59:18,901
Uh-uh. What the...
No! No!
1478
00:59:18,935 --> 00:59:19,969
Just get in the car.
1479
00:59:20,001 --> 00:59:21,171
This isn't a car.
1480
00:59:21,205 --> 00:59:23,673
This is a Honda fuckin' Odyssey.
1481
00:59:23,706 --> 00:59:25,708
Throttle response sucks a cock.
1482
00:59:25,742 --> 00:59:26,944
Dated infotainment system.
1483
00:59:26,977 --> 00:59:28,712
When Honda saw
that untreated chlamydia
1484
00:59:28,745 --> 00:59:29,912
was makin' a comeback,
1485
00:59:29,946 --> 00:59:32,649
they invented
the Honda Odyssey to compete.
1486
00:59:32,683 --> 00:59:35,785
Get in the fucking car.
1487
00:59:35,819 --> 00:59:37,754
She'll get you there
safe and sound.
1488
00:59:37,787 --> 00:59:40,022
Old Betsy always does.
1489
00:59:40,056 --> 00:59:42,459
You're gonna have to
give me my dog back, though.
1490
00:59:42,493 --> 00:59:43,827
[Deadpool] I know. Listen.
1491
00:59:43,861 --> 00:59:45,361
- [Dogpool whimpers]
- Yes, child.
1492
00:59:45,395 --> 00:59:47,697
If you ever wanna give her up,
or if she needs a new home,
1493
00:59:47,730 --> 00:59:49,731
or if something
should happen to you,
1494
00:59:49,765 --> 00:59:50,967
I'd love to be her papa.
1495
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,403
[laughs] What would
ever happen to me?
1496
00:59:53,436 --> 00:59:54,570
[Deadpool] Lots of stuff.
1497
00:59:58,141 --> 00:59:59,509
- Jesus.
- [Deadpool] No!
1498
00:59:59,542 --> 01:00:01,344
We're running away. [grunts]
1499
01:00:01,377 --> 01:00:03,146
- [Wolverine] Give me that.
- The corn was too dense, girl!
1500
01:00:03,179 --> 01:00:04,214
- [Wolverine] There.
- Come here!
1501
01:00:04,248 --> 01:00:05,681
- [Deadpool] Fuck!
- [Nicepool] Hello!
1502
01:00:07,550 --> 01:00:08,684
- [engine starts]
- Bye.
1503
01:00:08,718 --> 01:00:11,320
[♪ Avril Lavigne "I'm With
You" plays on car stereo]
1504
01:00:11,354 --> 01:00:12,189
[sighs]
1505
01:00:12,222 --> 01:00:16,526
♪ It's a damn cold night ♪
1506
01:00:16,559 --> 01:00:21,329
♪ Trying to figure out
this life ♪
1507
01:00:21,363 --> 01:00:24,066
♪ Won't you take me
by the hand? ♪
1508
01:00:24,100 --> 01:00:26,436
♪ Take me somewhere new ♪
1509
01:00:26,469 --> 01:00:31,107
♪ I don't know who you are
But I ♪
1510
01:00:31,140 --> 01:00:33,543
♪ I'm with you... ♪
1511
01:00:34,510 --> 01:00:36,045
[Deadpool] Okay,
I'm just gonna ask...
1512
01:00:36,078 --> 01:00:37,213
What's with the suit?
1513
01:00:37,246 --> 01:00:38,948
First thing I did
when I flamed out,
1514
01:00:38,981 --> 01:00:40,049
- I took mine off.
- Drop it.
1515
01:00:40,082 --> 01:00:41,416
[Deadpool] It's not that ugly.
1516
01:00:41,450 --> 01:00:43,052
- Stop talking about my suit.
- Did you make it yourself?
1517
01:00:43,085 --> 01:00:44,521
- Been there.
- Quit. Now.
1518
01:00:44,555 --> 01:00:47,623
The X-Men make you wear it?
Those sons of fuckin' bitches.
1519
01:00:47,657 --> 01:00:49,358
They are not your friends,
I'll tell you that.
1520
01:00:49,392 --> 01:00:51,894
Friends don't let friends
leave the house lookin' like
1521
01:00:51,928 --> 01:00:53,763
they fight crime
for the Los Angeles Rams.
1522
01:00:53,796 --> 01:00:55,132
Shut the fuck up
about this, or...
1523
01:00:55,165 --> 01:00:57,266
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch
your frown lines, angel baby.
1524
01:00:57,300 --> 01:00:58,501
I'm just trying
to bond a little bit.
1525
01:00:58,534 --> 01:01:00,169
Yeah, well, then talk
about somethin' else.
1526
01:01:00,203 --> 01:01:01,204
Fine.
1527
01:01:04,641 --> 01:01:06,275
Pshew. Pshew, pshew.
1528
01:01:06,776 --> 01:01:07,878
Pshew!
1529
01:01:07,911 --> 01:01:10,480
- Stop it.
- Pshew.
1530
01:01:10,513 --> 01:01:12,147
If they can fix your world,
what's the first thing
1531
01:01:12,180 --> 01:01:13,283
you're gonna do
when you get out of here?
1532
01:01:13,317 --> 01:01:14,784
Get some rubbing alcohol shots,
1533
01:01:14,818 --> 01:01:16,486
maybe a wiper fluid chaser?
1534
01:01:16,519 --> 01:01:18,287
- What did you say?
- I said when you get back,
1535
01:01:18,321 --> 01:01:19,555
what's the first thing
you're gonna do?
1536
01:01:19,589 --> 01:01:21,157
No, no, no. Before that.
1537
01:01:22,158 --> 01:01:24,093
If... they can fix your world?
1538
01:01:24,761 --> 01:01:25,762
[grunts]
1539
01:01:27,997 --> 01:01:29,565
What do you mean, "if"?
1540
01:01:30,166 --> 01:01:31,199
- I mean...
- You lied to me.
1541
01:01:31,233 --> 01:01:32,400
You don't have a fucking clue
1542
01:01:32,435 --> 01:01:34,103
if they can help me
fix things, do you?
1543
01:01:34,136 --> 01:01:35,771
No. I mean... Ow!
1544
01:01:35,805 --> 01:01:38,441
Fuck! Fuck! I didn't lie!
1545
01:01:38,474 --> 01:01:41,511
- You lied!
- No! I made an educated wish!
1546
01:01:43,212 --> 01:01:44,680
Because I need you.
1547
01:01:45,648 --> 01:01:49,451
This. This is why. Right here.
1548
01:01:49,484 --> 01:01:51,386
'Cause if we don't do
something, they die.
1549
01:01:51,419 --> 01:01:53,656
I don't know anything
about saving worlds.
1550
01:01:53,689 --> 01:01:55,224
And why would I even care?
1551
01:01:55,258 --> 01:01:58,728
Because my entire world
is right here in this picture.
1552
01:01:58,761 --> 01:02:00,563
It's only nine people,
1553
01:02:00,596 --> 01:02:04,000
and I have no idea
how to save it alone.
1554
01:02:04,032 --> 01:02:06,202
I know how to fuck people up
for money. But you,
1555
01:02:06,235 --> 01:02:08,104
you know how to save 'em!
1556
01:02:09,105 --> 01:02:10,273
At least
the other Wolverine did.
1557
01:02:10,306 --> 01:02:11,506
- [flesh squelching]
- [groans]
1558
01:02:11,540 --> 01:02:14,476
Fuck! I guess I'm stuck
with the worst one.
1559
01:02:14,509 --> 01:02:16,646
Did you say you made
1560
01:02:16,679 --> 01:02:20,016
an educated fucking wish?
1561
01:02:20,048 --> 01:02:22,250
They call me
"The Merc with the Mouth."
1562
01:02:22,285 --> 01:02:24,353
They don't call me
"Truthful Timmy,
1563
01:02:24,386 --> 01:02:26,389
"the Blowjob Queen
of Saskatoon."
1564
01:02:26,924 --> 01:02:28,324
[grunts in pain]
1565
01:02:30,092 --> 01:02:31,294
One more word.
1566
01:02:32,260 --> 01:02:35,164
Please give me one.
[breathing heavily]
1567
01:02:37,532 --> 01:02:38,668
Gubernatorial.
1568
01:02:38,701 --> 01:02:40,468
[yelps] Oh, fuck!
1569
01:02:41,971 --> 01:02:43,506
You know what?
You're a fucking joke.
1570
01:02:45,140 --> 01:02:46,576
No wonder the Avengers
didn't take you.
1571
01:02:46,609 --> 01:02:49,478
Or the X-Men. And they'll take
fucking anyone.
1572
01:02:49,512 --> 01:02:50,913
I mean, you are
1573
01:02:50,947 --> 01:02:54,583
a ridiculous, immature,
half-wit moron.
1574
01:02:55,083 --> 01:02:56,954
I have never met
1575
01:02:56,987 --> 01:02:58,254
a sadder,
1576
01:02:58,287 --> 01:03:00,891
more attention-starved,
jabbering little prick
1577
01:03:00,924 --> 01:03:02,257
in my entire life.
1578
01:03:02,290 --> 01:03:04,359
And that says a lot,
'cause I've been alive
1579
01:03:04,392 --> 01:03:07,064
for more than 200 fuckin' years,
1580
01:03:07,096 --> 01:03:08,364
and I'll tell ya,
1581
01:03:08,397 --> 01:03:10,165
that bald chick
was right about one thing.
1582
01:03:10,198 --> 01:03:12,868
You will never save the world!
1583
01:03:12,902 --> 01:03:15,604
You couldn't even save
a relationship
1584
01:03:15,637 --> 01:03:17,440
with a goddamn stripper!
1585
01:03:17,473 --> 01:03:20,142
And motherfucker, I wish
I could say you'd die alone,
1586
01:03:20,176 --> 01:03:23,211
but it's one of God's
best jokes that you can't die,
1587
01:03:23,244 --> 01:03:24,847
except that's on all of us!
1588
01:03:28,919 --> 01:03:31,320
Oh, you got nothing to say,
Mouth?
1589
01:03:31,354 --> 01:03:32,654
[breathing heavily]
1590
01:03:40,030 --> 01:03:41,763
[Deadpool]
I'm gonna fight you now.
1591
01:03:41,796 --> 01:03:43,665
[laughs]
1592
01:03:43,698 --> 01:03:45,333
[snorts] Oh, are you?
1593
01:03:49,039 --> 01:03:51,474
[song plays on radio,
song changing]
1594
01:03:51,507 --> 01:03:54,076
[♪ upbeat pop music plays,
"You're the One That I Want"]
1595
01:03:54,110 --> 01:03:55,377
[grunting]
1596
01:03:55,410 --> 01:03:57,913
- [groaning]
- Mm. Not talkin' now, are ya?
1597
01:03:57,947 --> 01:04:00,483
♪ And I'm losing control ♪
1598
01:04:00,515 --> 01:04:04,419
♪ 'Cause the power
you're supplying ♪
1599
01:04:04,452 --> 01:04:05,687
[Deadpool]
Oh, you dirty bitch.
1600
01:04:08,025 --> 01:04:09,591
[growls]
1601
01:04:09,624 --> 01:04:11,927
- [yelling]
- ♪ You better shape up ♪
1602
01:04:11,961 --> 01:04:13,596
♪ 'Cause I need a man ♪
1603
01:04:13,628 --> 01:04:15,330
[both grunting]
1604
01:04:15,362 --> 01:04:18,467
♪ And my heart is set on you ♪
1605
01:04:18,501 --> 01:04:20,836
♪ You better shape up ♪
1606
01:04:20,870 --> 01:04:22,304
- [laughs]
- [Deadpool] Whoo!
1607
01:04:22,905 --> 01:04:23,973
[grunts]
1608
01:04:24,006 --> 01:04:26,574
♪ To my heart,
I must be true ♪
1609
01:04:26,608 --> 01:04:30,245
♪ Nothing left,
nothing left for me to do ♪
1610
01:04:30,278 --> 01:04:32,280
♪ You're the one that I want ♪
1611
01:04:33,049 --> 01:04:34,917
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪
1612
01:04:34,950 --> 01:04:36,483
♪ The one that I want ♪
1613
01:04:37,351 --> 01:04:38,587
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪
1614
01:04:38,621 --> 01:04:40,288
- [straining]
- No, no, no! [screams]
1615
01:04:40,321 --> 01:04:41,790
[screams in high pitch]
1616
01:04:41,824 --> 01:04:43,458
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
- [bones crack]
1617
01:04:43,491 --> 01:04:47,529
♪ The one I need
Oh, yes, indeed... ♪
1618
01:04:50,199 --> 01:04:51,566
[choking]
1619
01:04:55,171 --> 01:04:56,603
[yells]
1620
01:04:58,875 --> 01:05:00,442
- Baby Knife!
- [screams]
1621
01:05:02,277 --> 01:05:03,545
[♪ song stops]
1622
01:05:03,578 --> 01:05:06,915
I take it all back.
The Honda Odyssey fucks hard.
1623
01:05:06,948 --> 01:05:08,316
Too bad you don't, needle dick.
1624
01:05:08,349 --> 01:05:09,617
Oh, we're just
gettin' started, bub.
1625
01:05:09,651 --> 01:05:11,419
- [yells]
- [♪ song resumes playing]
1626
01:05:12,454 --> 01:05:14,222
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪
1627
01:05:14,255 --> 01:05:15,756
[Deadpool] Oh, you... Fuck!
1628
01:05:16,959 --> 01:05:18,525
- [Deadpool groaning loudly]
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
1629
01:05:18,559 --> 01:05:20,462
- ♪ The one I need ♪
- [groaning stops]
1630
01:05:20,495 --> 01:05:23,264
♪ Oh, yes, indeed ♪
1631
01:05:23,298 --> 01:05:24,900
♪ You're the one that I want ♪
1632
01:05:24,934 --> 01:05:25,968
[♪ song fades out]
1633
01:05:26,001 --> 01:05:27,435
[birds chirping]
1634
01:05:29,839 --> 01:05:31,406
[leaves rustling]
1635
01:05:34,609 --> 01:05:36,810
[♪ ominous music playing]
1636
01:05:39,082 --> 01:05:40,715
[car door opens and closes]
1637
01:05:40,749 --> 01:05:41,884
[engine starts]
1638
01:05:54,063 --> 01:05:56,331
[♪ cryptic music playing]
1639
01:05:56,898 --> 01:05:58,433
[water dripping]
1640
01:06:08,209 --> 01:06:09,510
[Deadpool] Thor!
1641
01:06:12,313 --> 01:06:13,347
Where are we?
1642
01:06:13,381 --> 01:06:16,818
No clue, but...
I like it here.
1643
01:06:16,851 --> 01:06:19,520
- [door opens]
- [♪ cryptic music intensifies]
1644
01:06:22,258 --> 01:06:24,292
[grunting]
1645
01:06:24,325 --> 01:06:26,493
[Deadpool] Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
1646
01:06:26,527 --> 01:06:28,730
[♪ sentimental music playing]
1647
01:06:35,470 --> 01:06:37,337
- [♪ music pauses]
- [low growl]
1648
01:06:37,372 --> 01:06:39,841
[♪ dramatic electronic
music playing]
1649
01:06:49,416 --> 01:06:51,386
[electrical humming]
1650
01:06:56,758 --> 01:06:57,759
[cat meows]
1651
01:07:13,976 --> 01:07:15,010
[♪ music fades out]
1652
01:07:15,044 --> 01:07:16,912
Okay.
1653
01:07:16,946 --> 01:07:20,014
Look at you... all.
You must be the others.
1654
01:07:20,647 --> 01:07:21,683
Terrific.
1655
01:07:21,716 --> 01:07:24,986
So just to refresh, you are
1656
01:07:25,019 --> 01:07:25,954
- Wonder...
- Elektra.
1657
01:07:25,987 --> 01:07:28,456
[Deadpool] Elektra?
Yes. Who could forget?
1658
01:07:28,488 --> 01:07:31,626
And you. I was not expecting
to see you here.
1659
01:07:31,659 --> 01:07:33,361
I thought you were, you know,
1660
01:07:33,394 --> 01:07:34,930
retired. [chuckles]
1661
01:07:35,629 --> 01:07:36,630
Retarded?
1662
01:07:38,033 --> 01:07:39,067
[Deadpool] "Retired."
1663
01:07:39,100 --> 01:07:40,134
I'm already in The Void.
1664
01:07:40,168 --> 01:07:41,336
I'm not trying
to get canceled again.
1665
01:07:41,368 --> 01:07:43,437
- I don't like you.
- [Deadpool] You never did.
1666
01:07:44,806 --> 01:07:47,275
And who's this
succulent reminder
1667
01:07:47,308 --> 01:07:48,877
of my own inadequacies?
1668
01:07:48,910 --> 01:07:50,477
Look at you.
1669
01:07:50,510 --> 01:07:53,249
You look like the
superhero version of Hawkeye.
1670
01:07:53,282 --> 01:07:56,650
The name's Remy LeBeau,
Le Diable Blanc.
1671
01:07:56,683 --> 01:07:58,087
But you can call me the Gambit.
1672
01:07:58,120 --> 01:07:59,922
[Deadpool] It's been a while
since I've seen Sling Blade.
1673
01:07:59,954 --> 01:08:00,955
Hit me again.
1674
01:08:01,655 --> 01:08:02,825
They call me the Gambit.
1675
01:08:02,858 --> 01:08:04,193
[Deadpool] Do they?
Are you sure you didn't
1676
01:08:04,226 --> 01:08:05,425
just really,
really want them to,
1677
01:08:05,459 --> 01:08:06,829
but it never quite worked out?
1678
01:08:07,962 --> 01:08:09,430
[speaks indistinctly]
1679
01:08:09,464 --> 01:08:11,900
You know, we never had
a Wolverine up in here.
1680
01:08:12,567 --> 01:08:13,568
But I can tell you now,
1681
01:08:13,601 --> 01:08:15,603
it's just a common courtesy
to ask
1682
01:08:15,637 --> 01:08:17,373
before you drink up
all of my liquor.
1683
01:08:17,405 --> 01:08:19,640
Well, it's a good thing
I don't give a fuck.
1684
01:08:19,673 --> 01:08:21,910
[laughs, speaks indistinctly]
1685
01:08:22,978 --> 01:08:23,979
Fuck.
1686
01:08:26,446 --> 01:08:28,082
- [bottle smashes]
- [Deadpool] So embarrassing.
1687
01:08:29,150 --> 01:08:30,218
Boo, boo, boo.
1688
01:08:30,251 --> 01:08:31,352
Well, now that
that's settled, look,
1689
01:08:31,386 --> 01:08:32,786
we came a long way
to find you three.
1690
01:08:32,821 --> 01:08:34,555
- There's four of us.
- [Deadpool] There's four...
1691
01:08:34,589 --> 01:08:36,624
Hey, wait. Is it Magneto?
1692
01:08:36,657 --> 01:08:38,725
Dear sweet God in heaven,
let it be Magneto,
1693
01:08:38,759 --> 01:08:39,793
- because with him...
- He's dead.
1694
01:08:39,827 --> 01:08:41,863
[Deadpool] Fuck!
Now Disney gets cheap?
1695
01:08:41,895 --> 01:08:43,932
It's like Pinocchio jammed
his face in my ass
1696
01:08:43,966 --> 01:08:46,301
- and started lying like crazy.
- Ooh, you nasty!
1697
01:08:46,334 --> 01:08:48,736
Mon petit rouge. Laissez
les bons temps rouler, huh?
1698
01:08:48,770 --> 01:08:51,638
[Deadpool] Not a single word.
What do you do exactly?
1699
01:08:51,672 --> 01:08:54,242
Charge the playing cards
and make 'em go boom!
1700
01:08:54,275 --> 01:08:56,544
[Deadpool] Your power's
close-up magic. That's good.
1701
01:08:56,577 --> 01:08:58,212
We're not totally fucked at all.
1702
01:08:58,246 --> 01:08:59,613
So who brought us here?
1703
01:08:59,646 --> 01:09:00,915
[Voice] That would be me.
1704
01:09:03,351 --> 01:09:05,752
[♪ pensive music playing]
1705
01:09:11,192 --> 01:09:12,459
Don't make me regret it.
1706
01:09:14,063 --> 01:09:17,565
[Deadpool] Holy shit. Logan.
That's her. That's X-23.
1707
01:09:17,598 --> 01:09:19,200
She's the one I told you about.
1708
01:09:23,637 --> 01:09:25,806
Hey, how did you all get stuck
in The Void?
1709
01:09:25,840 --> 01:09:27,442
There was a knock at the door.
1710
01:09:27,474 --> 01:09:29,509
- TVA sent me here.
- Me, too.
1711
01:09:29,543 --> 01:09:30,610
Well, maybe I was born here.
1712
01:09:30,644 --> 01:09:31,913
It's... It's hard
to know for sure.
1713
01:09:31,946 --> 01:09:35,515
TVA decided
our universe was dying.
1714
01:09:35,549 --> 01:09:37,652
And I never even got a chance
to fight for it.
1715
01:09:40,321 --> 01:09:42,489
[Elektra] People like us
don't go quietly.
1716
01:09:42,522 --> 01:09:44,726
TVA knows that,
so they took us out.
1717
01:09:44,759 --> 01:09:47,161
[smooches]
The answer is yes. I'm in.
1718
01:09:47,195 --> 01:09:49,130
- In what?
- [Deadpool] A team.
1719
01:09:49,163 --> 01:09:51,366
Me, you, you, and me.
All of us together.
1720
01:09:51,399 --> 01:09:52,798
Let's get the fuck
out of this place.
1721
01:09:52,833 --> 01:09:54,567
Don't listen to him.
He's a fucking liar!
1722
01:09:54,601 --> 01:09:56,404
[Deadpool]
It was an educated wish!
1723
01:09:56,437 --> 01:09:58,039
- Ha!
- [Deadpool] Look.
1724
01:09:59,474 --> 01:10:01,441
We've been inside
Cassandra's lair.
1725
01:10:01,475 --> 01:10:03,911
The only way out of The Void
is through her.
1726
01:10:03,945 --> 01:10:05,847
She can get us home.
She told us.
1727
01:10:05,880 --> 01:10:08,416
Wait a minute,
you've been inside?
1728
01:10:08,449 --> 01:10:10,183
- And you made it out alive?
- Bullshit.
1729
01:10:10,217 --> 01:10:11,985
- Nobody's ever done that.
- [Deadpool] We did.
1730
01:10:12,019 --> 01:10:14,620
Every time one of us
has gone up against her,
1731
01:10:14,955 --> 01:10:15,957
they die.
1732
01:10:15,990 --> 01:10:18,759
The Punisher, the Quicksilver,
the Daredevil.
1733
01:10:18,792 --> 01:10:20,461
[Deadpool] Daredevil?
I'm so sorry.
1734
01:10:20,495 --> 01:10:21,896
- It's fine.
- [Deadpool] Okay.
1735
01:10:23,865 --> 01:10:27,201
Even that sweet, baby angel,
Johnny Storm.
1736
01:10:27,235 --> 01:10:28,668
He up and gone missing like,
1737
01:10:28,702 --> 01:10:30,637
what, two days ago?
1738
01:10:30,670 --> 01:10:32,973
[Deadpool] Ugh. That's so sad.
1739
01:10:33,006 --> 01:10:35,742
Wherever this Johnny fella is,
I'm sure he's thriving.
1740
01:10:35,776 --> 01:10:36,911
[Wolverine chuckles]
1741
01:10:36,944 --> 01:10:39,180
Look, there's...
there's strength in numbers.
1742
01:10:39,213 --> 01:10:40,314
All right? Us...
1743
01:10:40,348 --> 01:10:41,680
plus, you guys.
We can put Cassandra
1744
01:10:41,714 --> 01:10:43,985
over our knee and force her
to let us out of The Void.
1745
01:10:44,018 --> 01:10:45,685
I know what it means
to feel self-doubt.
1746
01:10:45,719 --> 01:10:47,255
- I don't feel that at all.
- I'm good.
1747
01:10:47,288 --> 01:10:49,523
[Deadpool] Gnawing at your gut
like a coked-up tapeworm.
1748
01:10:49,555 --> 01:10:51,092
It's like you're holding up
a mirror to my soul.
1749
01:10:51,125 --> 01:10:52,460
[Deadpool] You guys
may not have been able
1750
01:10:52,493 --> 01:10:54,227
to save your universes.
1751
01:10:54,261 --> 01:10:56,432
But you can avenge them.
1752
01:10:56,464 --> 01:10:57,764
It's what Johnny
would have wanted.
1753
01:10:57,798 --> 01:11:00,834
Wait. You knew Johnny?
1754
01:11:01,635 --> 01:11:02,869
[chuckles] Oh, yeah.
1755
01:11:02,903 --> 01:11:04,871
Dickhead here talked him
into a team-up,
1756
01:11:04,906 --> 01:11:07,508
and Johnny came down with
a little case of the deads.
1757
01:11:07,542 --> 01:11:08,843
[Deadpool] No, no, no.
We don't know that.
1758
01:11:08,876 --> 01:11:11,079
It was just a flesh wound.
He may have survived.
1759
01:11:11,112 --> 01:11:13,881
If he survived that,
he is prayin' for death.
1760
01:11:13,915 --> 01:11:15,550
[Deadpool] Thank you,
Doctor Wolverine!
1761
01:11:15,582 --> 01:11:17,751
- Spill it!
- What'd you do to Johnny, huh?
1762
01:11:17,784 --> 01:11:18,953
Talk or I'm gonna start dealin'.
1763
01:11:18,986 --> 01:11:20,654
[Deadpool] Okay. Okay.
Hey, hey, hey.
1764
01:11:21,121 --> 01:11:21,955
Look.
1765
01:11:21,988 --> 01:11:24,424
He ran his fat-ass mouth
about Cassandra.
1766
01:11:24,458 --> 01:11:26,226
Then she zip-zapped his skin,
1767
01:11:26,259 --> 01:11:28,396
leaving his organs to splash
crudely onto the ground
1768
01:11:28,429 --> 01:11:31,365
while the soil greedily drank
his blood. It was horrible.
1769
01:11:31,399 --> 01:11:33,166
He was like a brother to me.
1770
01:11:33,200 --> 01:11:36,336
Look, he died before he could
make a difference. But...
1771
01:11:36,369 --> 01:11:37,405
- [laughs]
- Look, maybe you couldn't
1772
01:11:37,438 --> 01:11:38,873
save your worlds, but...
1773
01:11:38,906 --> 01:11:41,641
but Jesus Christ,
you can save mine!
1774
01:11:41,675 --> 01:11:44,144
I don't give a shit
about your world, but
1775
01:11:44,177 --> 01:11:47,116
if these two made it out of
there alive, maybe together,
1776
01:11:47,148 --> 01:11:49,050
we can get back in
and take her down.
1777
01:11:49,083 --> 01:11:52,053
Where I come from,
we call that suicide, Chere.
1778
01:11:52,086 --> 01:11:54,055
[Deadpool] If we can block
her psychic powers,
1779
01:11:54,088 --> 01:11:55,956
we can get a leg up.
I know it.
1780
01:11:55,989 --> 01:11:58,025
Now, I know Magneto's dead.
1781
01:11:58,059 --> 01:12:00,660
But I'd venture to guess
that his helmet is lying
1782
01:12:00,694 --> 01:12:02,729
- around here somewhere...
- Cassandra melted the helmet.
1783
01:12:02,762 --> 01:12:03,930
- [Deadpool] Fuck!
- After she killed him.
1784
01:12:03,964 --> 01:12:05,932
- [Deadpool] Fuck!
- She don't play.
1785
01:12:05,966 --> 01:12:07,400
She knows that helmet
was the only way
1786
01:12:07,434 --> 01:12:09,069
to protect anyone
from her powers.
1787
01:12:09,102 --> 01:12:10,971
The only other helmet that
strong is Juggernaut's,
1788
01:12:11,004 --> 01:12:12,240
but he works for Cassandra.
1789
01:12:12,273 --> 01:12:13,772
[Deadpool] Juggernaut's
helmet. That's it.
1790
01:12:13,806 --> 01:12:15,475
Yeah, and we done be knowing
that lid ain't comin' off
1791
01:12:15,509 --> 01:12:16,910
without that dome
gonna come off wit'it.
1792
01:12:16,943 --> 01:12:18,212
[Deadpool] I'm so sorry,
beautiful.
1793
01:12:18,246 --> 01:12:19,113
I want this to be gentle.
1794
01:12:19,147 --> 01:12:21,414
Who is your dialect coach?
The Minions?
1795
01:12:21,448 --> 01:12:24,717
I feel like we are missing
critical exposition here.
1796
01:12:25,919 --> 01:12:28,890
I'm sick of this shit.
I'm sick of hiding.
1797
01:12:29,924 --> 01:12:31,958
Let's face it,
our worlds forgot about us.
1798
01:12:31,992 --> 01:12:33,792
Or never learned about us.
1799
01:12:33,827 --> 01:12:35,262
The heroes we were.
1800
01:12:35,295 --> 01:12:36,596
Lives we saved.
1801
01:12:36,630 --> 01:12:37,998
Or wanted to save.
1802
01:12:38,031 --> 01:12:40,067
Maybe these two are our chance.
1803
01:12:40,101 --> 01:12:41,401
[gurgling]
1804
01:12:41,434 --> 01:12:43,170
To be remembered.
1805
01:12:43,203 --> 01:12:44,271
The way we deserve.
1806
01:12:45,405 --> 01:12:46,473
[Deadpool] Yes.
1807
01:12:46,506 --> 01:12:48,307
An ending.
1808
01:12:48,340 --> 01:12:49,544
- Legacy.
- [Deadpool] Yes!
1809
01:12:49,577 --> 01:12:51,044
Yes! Let this man cook.
1810
01:12:51,077 --> 01:12:52,580
This is what I'm talking about.
1811
01:12:52,613 --> 01:12:54,581
Big slow-motion fights,
sad music.
1812
01:12:54,614 --> 01:12:55,815
Everybody working together.
1813
01:12:55,849 --> 01:12:57,683
Who knows if you live or die?
That sorta thing.
1814
01:12:57,716 --> 01:12:59,853
- Who's ready?
- I was born ready.
1815
01:12:59,886 --> 01:13:01,155
[Deadpool] Yes!
Gambit?
1816
01:13:01,189 --> 01:13:02,123
I ain't know my daddy,
1817
01:13:02,156 --> 01:13:04,124
but I'm sure I shot out
of his dick ready.
1818
01:13:04,157 --> 01:13:06,059
[Deadpool] Jesus Christ,
that is graphic.
1819
01:13:06,092 --> 01:13:08,028
Yeah. He was layin' them
buttery nuts all up in my mama
1820
01:13:08,061 --> 01:13:10,064
and I shot out there
and I said, "What's up, Doc?"
1821
01:13:10,097 --> 01:13:12,533
[Deadpool laughs]
Johnny must have loved you.
1822
01:13:12,567 --> 01:13:14,834
X-23, what's it gonna be?
1823
01:13:14,868 --> 01:13:16,102
The name's Laura.
1824
01:13:16,136 --> 01:13:18,938
- Let's fucking go.
- [Deadpool] Let's fucking go!
1825
01:13:18,971 --> 01:13:20,208
It's on like chicken and corn.
1826
01:13:20,241 --> 01:13:21,740
- [Deadpool] Yeah!
- We're doing this.
1827
01:13:21,774 --> 01:13:22,842
You're all fuckin' dead.
1828
01:13:22,876 --> 01:13:25,212
[Deadpool] My God!
Read the room.
1829
01:13:28,614 --> 01:13:30,350
[crickets chirping]
1830
01:13:34,321 --> 01:13:36,022
[exhales]
1831
01:13:36,056 --> 01:13:39,191
Hey, hey. I'm not lookin'
for company. Get out of here.
1832
01:13:41,362 --> 01:13:42,862
You remind me of him.
1833
01:13:42,896 --> 01:13:44,730
Angry. Drunk. Mean...
1834
01:13:44,763 --> 01:13:46,932
- Sounds like a great guy...
- Wasn't finished.
1835
01:13:48,733 --> 01:13:50,338
Showed up when
it mattered the most.
1836
01:13:52,572 --> 01:13:54,241
Couldn't help it.
1837
01:13:55,709 --> 01:13:56,910
[sighs]
1838
01:13:57,577 --> 01:13:58,912
You might not know it, but...
1839
01:13:59,813 --> 01:14:01,248
you're a good man, Logan.
1840
01:14:01,281 --> 01:14:02,282
[chuckles]
1841
01:14:03,284 --> 01:14:04,951
You might not know it,
but apparently,
1842
01:14:04,985 --> 01:14:06,386
I'm the worst Logan.
1843
01:14:08,221 --> 01:14:10,124
I got to have a life
because of you.
1844
01:14:13,027 --> 01:14:14,760
I got to grow up because of you.
1845
01:14:16,762 --> 01:14:18,330
A lot of kids did.
1846
01:14:18,364 --> 01:14:20,500
A lot of kids didn't grow up
because of me.
1847
01:14:22,702 --> 01:14:24,304
Trust me, kid, I'm no hero.
1848
01:14:25,639 --> 01:14:27,707
That suit says different.
1849
01:14:27,741 --> 01:14:29,875
- Yeah. Do you like it?
- Mm.
1850
01:14:31,745 --> 01:14:33,446
Scott used to beg me to wear it.
1851
01:14:35,715 --> 01:14:38,318
So did Jean, Storm, Beast.
1852
01:14:40,386 --> 01:14:42,422
All of them.
1853
01:14:42,455 --> 01:14:46,192
They wanted me to be part
of the team, but I wouldn't.
1854
01:14:46,226 --> 01:14:49,529
Told 'em they all look
fucking ridiculous. I mean...
1855
01:14:51,365 --> 01:14:54,134
I couldn't have 'em thinkin'
I wanted to be there.
1856
01:14:59,804 --> 01:15:01,842
And then one day,
while I was off on my own,
1857
01:15:01,876 --> 01:15:03,143
the humans came...
1858
01:15:03,711 --> 01:15:05,145
and went mutant hunting.
1859
01:15:06,412 --> 01:15:07,580
I can guess the rest.
1860
01:15:07,614 --> 01:15:08,815
No, no, let me...
1861
01:15:10,049 --> 01:15:11,250
Let me say it. I...
1862
01:15:13,853 --> 01:15:15,055
I need to say it.
1863
01:15:17,524 --> 01:15:20,193
By the time I stumbled home
shitfaced from the bar,
1864
01:15:20,226 --> 01:15:21,527
it was too late.
1865
01:15:25,332 --> 01:15:27,033
They were dead. Every...
[stifling sob]
1866
01:15:29,501 --> 01:15:31,504
[♪ mournful music playing]
1867
01:15:33,106 --> 01:15:36,275
This suit's all I got to
remind me of who they were.
1868
01:15:38,278 --> 01:15:39,312
And what I did.
1869
01:15:47,153 --> 01:15:48,154
[sniffles]
1870
01:15:52,291 --> 01:15:54,094
We're headed to Cassandra's
at sunup.
1871
01:15:54,894 --> 01:15:56,930
Have fun. Not my fight.
1872
01:16:00,165 --> 01:16:01,900
We won't pull this off
without you.
1873
01:16:08,674 --> 01:16:12,177
Hey. Whoever you think I am,
you got the wrong guy.
1874
01:16:14,948 --> 01:16:16,616
You were always the wrong guy.
1875
01:16:23,022 --> 01:16:25,291
[♪ mournful music continues]
1876
01:16:40,372 --> 01:16:42,341
[cell phone ringing]
1877
01:16:42,374 --> 01:16:43,208
What?
1878
01:16:43,242 --> 01:16:45,545
Alioth didn't get them.
[sniffs]
1879
01:16:45,578 --> 01:16:48,248
Cassandra wanted to
play with them herself first.
1880
01:16:48,281 --> 01:16:49,114
They got away.
1881
01:16:49,148 --> 01:16:50,783
- Did they find the others?
- No.
1882
01:16:50,817 --> 01:16:52,184
Good. All right. Phew.
1883
01:16:52,217 --> 01:16:54,287
- The others found them.
- Oh, very cute.
1884
01:16:54,320 --> 01:16:56,189
Well done, Pyro.
Classic bait and switch.
1885
01:16:56,222 --> 01:16:58,724
- You really got me there.
- Relax.
1886
01:16:58,758 --> 01:17:01,093
If they come after Nova,
she'll handle it.
1887
01:17:01,126 --> 01:17:03,262
Cassandra is
a lunatic wild card.
1888
01:17:03,295 --> 01:17:05,431
Why do you think we put her
there in the first place?
1889
01:17:05,464 --> 01:17:07,567
Thank God she's never chosen
to leave The Void.
1890
01:17:07,600 --> 01:17:10,502
The Time Ripper is hours away
from completion.
1891
01:17:10,536 --> 01:17:11,637
I cannot take any chances.
1892
01:17:11,670 --> 01:17:12,805
Well, maybe not.
1893
01:17:12,839 --> 01:17:14,274
But I can.
1894
01:17:14,307 --> 01:17:15,375
For a price.
1895
01:17:15,408 --> 01:17:16,809
Why do you have to
say it in that silly voice?
1896
01:17:16,843 --> 01:17:18,144
It's so icky.
1897
01:17:18,178 --> 01:17:20,013
- You want it done or not?
- All right. Your price.
1898
01:17:20,046 --> 01:17:21,547
Take her out.
1899
01:17:22,080 --> 01:17:24,216
Ugh. Mutants.
1900
01:17:24,249 --> 01:17:25,350
[♪ hip-hop music plays,
T.I. "Bring 'Em Out"]
1901
01:17:25,384 --> 01:17:26,485
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1902
01:17:26,518 --> 01:17:28,220
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1903
01:17:28,253 --> 01:17:30,222
♪ It's hard to yell when
the bar-rel's in your mouth ♪
1904
01:17:30,255 --> 01:17:31,523
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ Swizzy! ♪
1905
01:17:31,557 --> 01:17:33,091
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1906
01:17:34,058 --> 01:17:35,295
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1907
01:17:35,328 --> 01:17:37,397
♪ T-I-P, coming live
from the V.I.P. ♪
1908
01:17:37,430 --> 01:17:39,798
♪ Heard the nightlife
lost life without me ♪
1909
01:17:39,833 --> 01:17:42,367
♪ Both the feds and the state
wanna see 'bout me ♪
1910
01:17:42,401 --> 01:17:45,271
♪ The whole city got biz-zerk,
he got three... ♪
1911
01:17:45,940 --> 01:17:47,073
Ooh! Look at that there!
1912
01:17:47,106 --> 01:17:48,340
You see them biggum hands
come closed.
1913
01:17:48,373 --> 01:17:49,943
Ain't not a wonna gettin' up
inside there.
1914
01:17:49,975 --> 01:17:51,210
[Deadpool] I think what
Gambit's trying to say is
1915
01:17:51,243 --> 01:17:54,145
getting Juggernaut's helmet
ain't gonna be easy.
1916
01:17:54,178 --> 01:17:55,816
I'm just making
stuff up at this...
1917
01:17:55,850 --> 01:17:57,649
- Yeah. Tilt up to Blade.
- Gun!
1918
01:17:57,683 --> 01:17:59,886
♪ Mississippi to Philly,
Albuquerque to Chatt-Town ♪
1919
01:17:59,919 --> 01:18:02,421
♪ If I hit you in the face,
you gon' be suing and shit ♪
1920
01:18:02,454 --> 01:18:04,156
[Deadpool] Where'd he get
that little beauty?
1921
01:18:04,189 --> 01:18:06,259
That's Punisher's AT4.
1922
01:18:06,292 --> 01:18:08,694
Which Punisher? There's been,
like, five of them.
1923
01:18:08,727 --> 01:18:10,395
There's only been one Blade,
1924
01:18:10,429 --> 01:18:12,364
and there's only ever
gonna be one Blade.
1925
01:18:12,397 --> 01:18:14,265
♪ Who got a flow and a live
show better than mine? ♪
1926
01:18:14,298 --> 01:18:16,268
♪ I got a packed
house yellin' ♪
1927
01:18:16,603 --> 01:18:17,737
Incoming!
1928
01:18:17,769 --> 01:18:19,137
Ahhh!
1929
01:18:20,405 --> 01:18:21,573
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1930
01:18:21,607 --> 01:18:23,107
♪ Ayy, from the back,
they yellin ♪
1931
01:18:23,140 --> 01:18:24,276
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1932
01:18:24,309 --> 01:18:25,410
♪ Ayy, all
the dope boys yellin' ♪
1933
01:18:25,444 --> 01:18:26,612
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1934
01:18:26,645 --> 01:18:27,881
♪ Ayy, from the back,
they yellin ♪
1935
01:18:27,914 --> 01:18:29,448
- [♪ song stops]
- [fire roaring]
1936
01:18:32,518 --> 01:18:34,019
[tires screeching]
1937
01:18:36,221 --> 01:18:37,924
♪ Mic check,
one-two, one-two ♪
1938
01:18:37,957 --> 01:18:39,124
♪ You wanna beef
with the King? ♪
1939
01:18:39,157 --> 01:18:40,592
♪ What is you gon' do? ♪
1940
01:18:40,626 --> 01:18:42,794
♪ Will you show up on the
scene with two guns drew? ♪
1941
01:18:42,829 --> 01:18:45,397
♪ Or you and your friend and
play a little two-on-two? ♪
1942
01:18:45,430 --> 01:18:46,665
♪ If you knew half
of what I knew ♪
1943
01:18:46,698 --> 01:18:47,934
♪ Then you'd be
hitting the deck ♪
1944
01:18:47,967 --> 01:18:49,301
♪ I got a tool and a vest ♪
1945
01:18:49,334 --> 01:18:50,837
♪ I can get some respect ♪
1946
01:18:50,870 --> 01:18:52,504
♪ Yeah, what other Southern
rapper hood-er than this? ♪
1947
01:18:52,538 --> 01:18:55,040
♪ I got rich, and I'm still
on some hooligan shit ♪
1948
01:18:55,073 --> 01:18:56,475
♪ Standing in your
front yard yellin' ♪
1949
01:18:56,508 --> 01:18:57,643
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1950
01:18:57,677 --> 01:18:59,044
♪ Ayy, all
my hot girls yellin' ♪
1951
01:18:59,077 --> 01:19:00,212
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1952
01:19:00,245 --> 01:19:01,346
♪ Ayy, all
the dope boys yellin' ♪
1953
01:19:01,380 --> 01:19:02,548
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1954
01:19:03,148 --> 01:19:04,449
[♪ song stops]
1955
01:19:07,854 --> 01:19:09,087
[♪ song resumes]
1956
01:19:09,121 --> 01:19:10,990
♪ Hands in the air now! ♪
1957
01:19:11,024 --> 01:19:13,125
♪ Hands in the air now! ♪
1958
01:19:13,158 --> 01:19:15,726
♪ Hands-hands in the-
in the air-air now! ♪
1959
01:19:15,760 --> 01:19:16,897
♪ I can't hear you! ♪
1960
01:19:16,931 --> 01:19:19,131
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1961
01:19:19,164 --> 01:19:21,532
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1962
01:19:21,566 --> 01:19:22,567
[♪ song ends]
1963
01:19:24,368 --> 01:19:26,605
Ooh, this is gonna be good.
1964
01:19:26,638 --> 01:19:29,141
You know how long
I've been waiting for this?
1965
01:19:29,174 --> 01:19:31,410
Whoo! I'm about to make
a name for myself here.
1966
01:19:31,443 --> 01:19:33,412
I don't think you guys
walk away from this.
1967
01:19:33,445 --> 01:19:35,447
You just make sure people know
what happened here today.
1968
01:19:35,480 --> 01:19:37,649
And when you get out of here,
you have a drink for me, yeah?
1969
01:19:37,683 --> 01:19:40,152
You just stay on our six
and get inside.
1970
01:19:40,185 --> 01:19:42,788
We'll make sure
you get the package.
1971
01:19:42,822 --> 01:19:44,057
And we'll get our ending.
1972
01:19:44,089 --> 01:19:46,592
[♪ thrilling music playing]
1973
01:20:00,305 --> 01:20:01,607
[♪ music fades out]
1974
01:20:04,642 --> 01:20:06,110
[all yelling]
1975
01:20:11,116 --> 01:20:13,652
[♪ epic music playing]
1976
01:20:15,621 --> 01:20:16,787
[all grunting]
1977
01:20:39,578 --> 01:20:40,779
[groans]
1978
01:20:40,813 --> 01:20:42,581
[electrical roar and hum]
1979
01:20:42,614 --> 01:20:43,849
[crackling]
1980
01:20:54,425 --> 01:20:55,259
And boom!
1981
01:20:55,292 --> 01:20:56,828
[all grunting]
1982
01:20:57,562 --> 01:20:58,864
[laughs, grunts]
1983
01:21:24,956 --> 01:21:26,657
[♪ music stops]
1984
01:21:26,691 --> 01:21:29,160
Heh. Some motherfuckers still
trying to ice skate uphill.
1985
01:21:29,193 --> 01:21:30,562
[henchmen yelling]
1986
01:21:33,198 --> 01:21:34,398
[slurps]
1987
01:21:34,934 --> 01:21:36,168
[footsteps]
1988
01:21:36,200 --> 01:21:38,402
You two escaping,
I could live with.
1989
01:21:38,436 --> 01:21:41,372
But coming back? Willingly?
1990
01:21:42,875 --> 01:21:44,576
Boys are so silly.
1991
01:21:44,609 --> 01:21:45,743
[Deadpool]
I just need to get home.
1992
01:21:45,776 --> 01:21:48,379
Well, that's not on the menu,
I'm afraid.
1993
01:21:48,412 --> 01:21:51,917
It's death or enslavement.
A la carte, of course.
1994
01:21:51,950 --> 01:21:53,485
- Upsy-daisy.
- [grunting]
1995
01:21:58,689 --> 01:21:59,690
Finally,
1996
01:21:59,723 --> 01:22:01,861
it's nice to give someone else
a chance to talk.
1997
01:22:01,894 --> 01:22:03,729
Not my strong suit.
1998
01:22:03,762 --> 01:22:05,529
[groaning and grunting]
1999
01:22:07,732 --> 01:22:09,233
[straining]
2000
01:22:17,909 --> 01:22:18,976
[yells]
2001
01:22:20,611 --> 01:22:21,446
[exhales]
2002
01:22:21,480 --> 01:22:22,848
You shouldn't have done that.
2003
01:22:24,615 --> 01:22:25,649
[grunts]
2004
01:22:25,683 --> 01:22:27,485
[groaning]
2005
01:22:29,221 --> 01:22:30,621
[grunting]
2006
01:22:35,626 --> 01:22:36,828
[yells]
2007
01:22:37,595 --> 01:22:38,662
[growls]
2008
01:22:41,299 --> 01:22:42,633
[screams]
2009
01:22:42,666 --> 01:22:43,902
Adios, pendejo.
2010
01:22:44,937 --> 01:22:46,303
[yells]
2011
01:22:46,337 --> 01:22:49,306
You are an interesting one,
aren't you?
2012
01:22:49,340 --> 01:22:52,443
I do feel like you get lost
behind all of his...
2013
01:22:52,476 --> 01:22:54,512
[imitates yapping]
2014
01:22:55,580 --> 01:22:58,382
Deadpools are a dime a dozen
here in The Void.
2015
01:22:59,150 --> 01:23:01,018
But you...
2016
01:23:01,051 --> 01:23:04,055
What's going on in here?
2017
01:23:04,890 --> 01:23:06,457
[groaning]
2018
01:23:07,758 --> 01:23:09,493
[screaming]
2019
01:23:11,494 --> 01:23:13,564
- [screaming stops]
- [leaves rustling]
2020
01:23:13,597 --> 01:23:15,000
[distant female voice] Logan!
2021
01:23:17,500 --> 01:23:18,803
[Cassandra] Interesting...
2022
01:23:19,938 --> 01:23:21,839
Not what I expected back here.
2023
01:23:22,941 --> 01:23:24,309
Behind the anger.
2024
01:23:28,146 --> 01:23:29,446
You're hiding.
2025
01:23:29,480 --> 01:23:31,415
- From them.
- [sighs]
2026
01:23:31,447 --> 01:23:33,384
From all the ones you let down.
2027
01:23:35,921 --> 01:23:37,088
So much pain.
2028
01:23:39,757 --> 01:23:41,959
I walked away.
2029
01:23:41,992 --> 01:23:43,727
They called after me and I...
2030
01:23:43,761 --> 01:23:44,896
I walked away.
2031
01:23:45,997 --> 01:23:47,098
I always do.
2032
01:23:47,132 --> 01:23:48,399
- [child] Logan!
- I know.
2033
01:23:50,467 --> 01:23:51,969
That's not all you did.
2034
01:23:52,735 --> 01:23:53,571
Is it?
2035
01:23:53,604 --> 01:23:55,439
- [groans]
- [flesh squelches]
2036
01:23:57,008 --> 01:23:58,509
You found them.
2037
01:23:59,311 --> 01:24:00,510
The X-Men.
2038
01:24:04,348 --> 01:24:05,817
[distant screaming]
2039
01:24:05,851 --> 01:24:06,684
Dead.
2040
01:24:06,717 --> 01:24:08,920
[♪ mournful music playing]
2041
01:24:09,453 --> 01:24:10,821
Piled like wood.
2042
01:24:12,389 --> 01:24:13,791
[Cassandra] What did you do?
2043
01:24:16,294 --> 01:24:18,263
I started killing.
2044
01:24:18,296 --> 01:24:20,899
And I couldn't stop.
I didn't wanna stop.
2045
01:24:22,132 --> 01:24:24,870
[Cassandra] All those bad men.
2046
01:24:24,903 --> 01:24:25,971
[groans]
2047
01:24:28,606 --> 01:24:30,474
It's not just the bad ones.
2048
01:24:32,009 --> 01:24:33,143
My little animal.
2049
01:24:35,847 --> 01:24:38,883
And I turned the whole world
against the X-Men.
2050
01:24:39,184 --> 01:24:40,384
Blade!
2051
01:24:45,857 --> 01:24:47,025
Just once...
2052
01:24:48,792 --> 01:24:51,629
I wanna be the man
that Charles thought I was.
2053
01:24:52,795 --> 01:24:53,898
Logan...
2054
01:24:55,367 --> 01:24:59,103
in The Void,
you can be what you are.
2055
01:25:01,438 --> 01:25:03,007
I just wanna be free.
2056
01:25:03,640 --> 01:25:05,409
I can set you free.
2057
01:25:05,810 --> 01:25:07,112
[panting]
2058
01:25:10,314 --> 01:25:11,682
[yelps]
2059
01:25:16,720 --> 01:25:22,026
I can silence all those voices.
2060
01:25:22,059 --> 01:25:23,493
[silence falls]
2061
01:25:26,064 --> 01:25:27,132
[exhales]
2062
01:25:28,899 --> 01:25:29,901
I've got you.
2063
01:25:32,403 --> 01:25:33,603
I've got you.
2064
01:25:34,171 --> 01:25:35,173
No.
2065
01:25:36,439 --> 01:25:37,675
I got you.
2066
01:25:38,642 --> 01:25:40,044
[indistinct whining]
2067
01:25:40,077 --> 01:25:41,778
[grunting in pain]
2068
01:25:41,812 --> 01:25:43,013
[gasps]
2069
01:25:43,047 --> 01:25:44,714
[yelling]
2070
01:25:45,449 --> 01:25:47,818
[Cassandra grunts] Get it off!
2071
01:25:47,851 --> 01:25:49,321
[Deadpool]
You're gonna send us home,
2072
01:25:49,354 --> 01:25:50,888
or I'm gonna twist
your fucking head off.
2073
01:25:50,921 --> 01:25:52,555
- [laughs]
- Why are you laughing?
2074
01:25:53,090 --> 01:25:54,358
I can't send you home
2075
01:25:54,391 --> 01:25:57,362
unless you get this thing
off my head.
2076
01:25:57,394 --> 01:25:58,628
And as soon as you do that,
2077
01:25:58,662 --> 01:26:01,365
I'm going to boil your brains
on an atomic level
2078
01:26:01,398 --> 01:26:04,401
whilst flicking my bean
to the Enya box set.
2079
01:26:04,435 --> 01:26:05,601
[Deadpool]
There's an Enya box set?
2080
01:26:05,635 --> 01:26:07,137
Either you kill me
2081
01:26:07,171 --> 01:26:08,472
or I kill you.
2082
01:26:09,341 --> 01:26:11,343
Both wonderful options.
2083
01:26:11,375 --> 01:26:12,575
[Deadpool]
You want me to do it?
2084
01:26:12,608 --> 01:26:13,643
No, I'll do it.
2085
01:26:13,676 --> 01:26:15,012
[Deadpool] I have
her neck right here.
2086
01:26:15,045 --> 01:26:16,713
- It's really no problem.
- You'll screw it up.
2087
01:26:16,746 --> 01:26:18,316
[Deadpool]
Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13,
2088
01:26:18,349 --> 01:26:19,383
except the last one!
2089
01:26:19,416 --> 01:26:21,551
- [gunshots]
- What the fuck?
2090
01:26:22,752 --> 01:26:25,022
- [gasping]
- [chuckles] You have no idea
2091
01:26:25,055 --> 01:26:26,124
what it's like!
2092
01:26:26,157 --> 01:26:29,093
Day after day.
Shovel the shit.
2093
01:26:29,126 --> 01:26:30,793
Fetch the meats.
2094
01:26:30,828 --> 01:26:33,796
I have spent my entire exis...
2095
01:26:35,598 --> 01:26:37,202
Not everyone gets a speech.
2096
01:26:37,235 --> 01:26:40,071
- [groaning]
- She's gonna die.
2097
01:26:40,105 --> 01:26:41,671
[Deadpool] Okay. Hey, hey.
If I take this helmet off,
2098
01:26:41,704 --> 01:26:43,474
do you promise
you won't kill us?
2099
01:26:43,506 --> 01:26:44,639
- Fuck!
- [Cassandra] I promise...
2100
01:26:44,674 --> 01:26:46,342
I will kill you first thing.
2101
01:26:46,376 --> 01:26:48,245
[Deadpool] Oh!
Why are you like this?
2102
01:26:48,278 --> 01:26:49,580
I wish I knew.
2103
01:26:49,613 --> 01:26:50,814
- Take it off.
- [Deadpool] What?
2104
01:26:50,848 --> 01:26:52,049
- Take it off.
- [Deadpool] Why?
2105
01:26:52,082 --> 01:26:53,516
- Just take it off.
- This is our only chance
2106
01:26:53,549 --> 01:26:55,685
- to fix our shit!
- Take it off!
2107
01:26:57,422 --> 01:26:59,756
I am wearing this suit.
2108
01:26:59,789 --> 01:27:02,092
And that means a lot of
things, but most of all...
2109
01:27:03,494 --> 01:27:04,793
it means I'm an X-Man.
2110
01:27:05,694 --> 01:27:07,232
And I know your brother.
2111
01:27:09,500 --> 01:27:10,901
As much as I want
to fucking kill you,
2112
01:27:10,934 --> 01:27:13,736
every bone in my body
wants to fucking kill you,
2113
01:27:13,770 --> 01:27:16,973
he would not let me stand here
and watch you die!
2114
01:27:19,344 --> 01:27:20,710
Take your hands off.
2115
01:27:22,246 --> 01:27:23,646
This is for him.
2116
01:27:25,382 --> 01:27:26,782
This is for Charles.
2117
01:27:29,186 --> 01:27:30,721
[Cassandra panting]
2118
01:27:34,224 --> 01:27:35,558
[exhales deeply]
2119
01:27:36,527 --> 01:27:38,295
- [grunts]
- [Deadpool] Hey, no, no, no!
2120
01:27:38,328 --> 01:27:39,930
Don't you dare
do me like Johnny!
2121
01:27:46,270 --> 01:27:47,337
My brother loved you.
2122
01:27:49,239 --> 01:27:50,307
He loved all of us.
2123
01:27:51,008 --> 01:27:52,009
Hmm.
2124
01:27:53,377 --> 01:27:54,643
Must be nice.
2125
01:27:55,545 --> 01:27:56,980
He would've loved you, too.
2126
01:27:59,683 --> 01:28:01,018
If he knew about you...
2127
01:28:02,652 --> 01:28:04,054
if he knew where you were,
2128
01:28:04,087 --> 01:28:06,356
he would've torn a hole
in the fucking universe
2129
01:28:06,390 --> 01:28:07,622
to bring you home.
2130
01:28:11,295 --> 01:28:12,362
This is my home.
2131
01:28:13,430 --> 01:28:15,833
Well, then at least
let us save his.
2132
01:28:19,770 --> 01:28:21,371
You want to hear
something crazy?
2133
01:28:23,140 --> 01:28:26,242
An amateur magician rolled
through here a while back.
2134
01:28:27,176 --> 01:28:29,079
I killed him, of course.
2135
01:28:29,113 --> 01:28:31,714
Wore his skin around
for four days.
2136
01:28:32,382 --> 01:28:33,417
But
2137
01:28:33,450 --> 01:28:35,185
I found this
2138
01:28:35,219 --> 01:28:37,187
little trinket
2139
01:28:37,221 --> 01:28:39,423
on his lovely fingers.
2140
01:28:39,456 --> 01:28:40,790
[Deadpool] Strange!
2141
01:28:42,326 --> 01:28:43,626
[Deadpool gasps]
2142
01:28:43,659 --> 01:28:45,963
- Marvel sparkle circle.
- [Wolverine] What is that?
2143
01:28:46,696 --> 01:28:48,730
This is your way home.
2144
01:28:48,763 --> 01:28:50,800
I do owe you for saving my life.
2145
01:28:50,834 --> 01:28:52,436
But let's keep
things interesting.
2146
01:28:52,469 --> 01:28:54,371
I'd say you have
about four seconds
2147
01:28:54,404 --> 01:28:55,905
before you're Alioth's food.
2148
01:28:56,705 --> 01:28:58,274
[Alioth growling]
2149
01:28:59,944 --> 01:29:01,245
[Deadpool chuckles] Race ya.
2150
01:29:04,982 --> 01:29:06,582
[♪ slow jazz plays, Jimmy
Durante "I'll Be Seeing You"]
2151
01:29:06,617 --> 01:29:10,587
♪ I'll be seeing you ♪
2152
01:29:10,621 --> 01:29:15,992
♪ In all the old
familiar places ♪
2153
01:29:16,025 --> 01:29:20,364
♪ That this heart
of mine embraces ♪
2154
01:29:21,298 --> 01:29:23,200
♪ All day through ♪
2155
01:29:26,668 --> 01:29:30,274
♪ In that small cafe ♪
2156
01:29:31,842 --> 01:29:35,077
- ♪ The park across the way ♪
- [screaming]
2157
01:29:37,013 --> 01:29:41,717
♪ The children's carousel ♪
2158
01:29:41,751 --> 01:29:46,688
♪ The chestnut trees,
the wishing well ♪
2159
01:29:48,591 --> 01:29:52,528
♪ I'll be seeing you ♪
2160
01:29:52,562 --> 01:29:56,098
♪ In every lovely
summer's day ♪
2161
01:29:56,132 --> 01:29:57,099
[screams]
2162
01:29:57,133 --> 01:30:02,104
♪ I'll find you
in the morning sun ♪
2163
01:30:02,138 --> 01:30:06,343
♪ And when the night is new ♪
2164
01:30:09,078 --> 01:30:14,383
♪ I'll be looking
at the moon ♪
2165
01:30:15,919 --> 01:30:21,425
♪ But I'll be seeing you ♪
2166
01:30:21,458 --> 01:30:22,926
[Alioth snarls]
2167
01:30:24,894 --> 01:30:26,829
[Peter] And as I said, we've
got a standard three-year
2168
01:30:26,862 --> 01:30:28,364
bumper to bumper warranty.
2169
01:30:28,397 --> 01:30:30,099
Glad you gave us
a second chance.
2170
01:30:30,132 --> 01:30:31,867
And don't worry.
Wade and I are a team,
2171
01:30:31,901 --> 01:30:33,403
so I'll see he gets
half the commission...
2172
01:30:34,037 --> 01:30:35,072
[all gasp]
2173
01:30:35,105 --> 01:30:36,205
- [Deadpool groans]
- Whoa.
2174
01:30:36,239 --> 01:30:38,441
[Deadpool]
That feels like a Kia.
2175
01:30:38,474 --> 01:30:41,177
It's a fucking Kia Carnival,
isn't it? [groans]
2176
01:30:42,345 --> 01:30:45,314
Holy shit. That's Deadpool.
2177
01:30:45,348 --> 01:30:46,550
And that's Wolverine.
2178
01:30:46,583 --> 01:30:47,650
[Deadpool]
You're damn straight it is.
2179
01:30:47,683 --> 01:30:48,718
Fox killed him.
2180
01:30:48,750 --> 01:30:49,952
Disney brought him back.
2181
01:30:49,986 --> 01:30:51,487
They're going to make him
do this till he's 90.
2182
01:30:52,122 --> 01:30:53,689
Let's go.
2183
01:30:53,723 --> 01:30:55,259
[Peter] I'll clock you out!
2184
01:30:55,292 --> 01:30:56,459
[Deadpool] Forever!
2185
01:30:57,226 --> 01:30:58,327
Forever.
2186
01:31:05,569 --> 01:31:06,603
Wakey-wakey.
2187
01:31:06,637 --> 01:31:08,405
- [snorts] God?
- [chuckles]
2188
01:31:09,672 --> 01:31:12,975
Now, you put all these bullets
in my belly,
2189
01:31:13,009 --> 01:31:14,844
and I'm gonna find out why.
2190
01:31:15,379 --> 01:31:16,445
Whoa, whoa!
2191
01:31:17,180 --> 01:31:19,015
I'll just say it.
2192
01:31:19,048 --> 01:31:20,883
You don't have to stick
your fingers in me.
2193
01:31:20,916 --> 01:31:23,419
Jesus, just ask sometimes.
2194
01:31:23,719 --> 01:31:24,955
Fine.
2195
01:31:26,122 --> 01:31:27,123
Really?
2196
01:31:27,658 --> 01:31:28,858
Hands in pockets.
2197
01:31:28,891 --> 01:31:30,459
[breathing heavily]
2198
01:31:30,493 --> 01:31:32,528
Guy named Paradox.
2199
01:31:32,561 --> 01:31:33,764
He said he'd get me
out of The Void.
2200
01:31:33,796 --> 01:31:36,032
All I know is
he works for the TVA.
2201
01:31:36,065 --> 01:31:36,966
The TVA.
2202
01:31:36,999 --> 01:31:38,434
We had an agreement.
2203
01:31:38,467 --> 01:31:40,369
I don't think this guy cares.
2204
01:31:40,403 --> 01:31:42,371
Huh. He will.
2205
01:31:42,771 --> 01:31:44,041
Hey, people!
2206
01:31:44,074 --> 01:31:46,242
How much longer before
the Time Ripper is active?
2207
01:31:46,275 --> 01:31:48,210
We're running
the final safety checks.
2208
01:31:48,244 --> 01:31:50,512
Oh, okay. All right. Thanks
for all your hard work, Ralph.
2209
01:31:50,545 --> 01:31:52,014
- Take your time.
- Really?
2210
01:31:52,048 --> 01:31:53,750
No, you drooling boob!
2211
01:31:53,784 --> 01:31:55,084
No! We have company.
2212
01:31:55,117 --> 01:31:58,454
Cancel the safety checks.
We need to be live now!
2213
01:31:58,487 --> 01:32:00,121
Oh, I hate you so much.
2214
01:32:02,191 --> 01:32:03,024
No! Stop!
2215
01:32:03,059 --> 01:32:04,927
Piss off! You're too late.
2216
01:32:04,960 --> 01:32:06,829
- You're fuckin' done.
- Why was Thor crying?
2217
01:32:06,862 --> 01:32:07,897
[Mr. Paradox] How dare you!
2218
01:32:07,930 --> 01:32:10,466
No one comes back from The Void.
2219
01:32:10,499 --> 01:32:12,068
Tell that to Cassandra Nova.
2220
01:32:13,069 --> 01:32:15,271
[♪ choral music playing]
2221
01:32:20,743 --> 01:32:22,877
Paradox. We have a problem.
2222
01:32:23,645 --> 01:32:24,847
[bones snap]
2223
01:32:25,648 --> 01:32:27,016
[Cassandra] Paradox.
2224
01:32:29,185 --> 01:32:31,753
Well, you are doughier than
you looked in Pyro's head.
2225
01:32:31,786 --> 01:32:33,022
You tried to kill me.
2226
01:32:33,055 --> 01:32:34,990
I literally have no i...
2227
01:32:35,024 --> 01:32:36,859
[Cassandra]
You come for the king,
2228
01:32:36,892 --> 01:32:38,761
you better kill the king.
2229
01:32:38,794 --> 01:32:39,895
[Deadpool] Oh-ho-ho!
2230
01:32:39,929 --> 01:32:42,130
Welcome to
the skull fuck club, Paradox.
2231
01:32:42,163 --> 01:32:44,700
You know she doesn't
wash that hand.
2232
01:32:44,734 --> 01:32:46,203
- Oh.
- [grunting strainfully]
2233
01:32:46,236 --> 01:32:47,336
What's this?
2234
01:32:48,604 --> 01:32:49,805
A Time Ripper?
2235
01:32:49,839 --> 01:32:50,872
Naughty boy.
2236
01:32:50,905 --> 01:32:52,274
[Deadpool] Oh, no.
We're on it.
2237
01:32:52,308 --> 01:32:53,641
We're gonna head down
and dismantle that thing now.
2238
01:32:53,675 --> 01:32:56,078
We got ya, boo. You just
keep playing those keys.
2239
01:32:56,112 --> 01:32:57,913
I don't want to destroy it.
2240
01:32:58,447 --> 01:33:00,116
I want to use it.
2241
01:33:00,149 --> 01:33:02,951
Now, shoo. Mummy and Daddy
are having a conversation.
2242
01:33:02,984 --> 01:33:04,520
[both yelling]
2243
01:33:08,357 --> 01:33:09,492
[groans]
2244
01:33:09,525 --> 01:33:11,460
You know, the funny thing is,
2245
01:33:11,494 --> 01:33:13,661
I was happy in The Void.
2246
01:33:13,695 --> 01:33:16,932
You sent your trash to me.
Alioth and I cleaned it up.
2247
01:33:16,966 --> 01:33:19,601
Everyone was happy.
2248
01:33:19,634 --> 01:33:23,005
And then you had to go and
piss on my side of the fence.
2249
01:33:23,037 --> 01:33:25,908
And so now the fence
must come down.
2250
01:33:25,941 --> 01:33:27,910
I'm going to use
your little Time Ripper.
2251
01:33:27,943 --> 01:33:30,713
And I'm going to destroy
this universe
2252
01:33:30,746 --> 01:33:33,416
and the next and the next
and the next
2253
01:33:33,449 --> 01:33:37,119
until all that's left
is The Void.
2254
01:33:37,153 --> 01:33:39,721
And I get to play God.
2255
01:33:39,754 --> 01:33:41,090
- Come on.
- [Mr. Paradox groans]
2256
01:33:41,123 --> 01:33:42,290
Now you're going to show me
2257
01:33:42,323 --> 01:33:43,993
how to use
this fancy gadget of yours.
2258
01:33:44,025 --> 01:33:45,995
And don't worry,
I've called some friends
2259
01:33:46,028 --> 01:33:47,630
to make sure
we're not disturbed.
2260
01:33:50,800 --> 01:33:52,066
- [knock at door]
- Sorry to bother, madam,
2261
01:33:52,100 --> 01:33:54,135
but there's something
you need to see.
2262
01:33:54,169 --> 01:33:56,605
We're getting indications
of an unsanctioned Time Ripper
2263
01:33:56,639 --> 01:33:58,973
activating on Earth-10005.
2264
01:34:00,609 --> 01:34:01,977
Whose district is that?
2265
01:34:02,577 --> 01:34:03,578
Paradox.
2266
01:34:11,888 --> 01:34:14,022
[Mr. Paradox gasps, exhales]
2267
01:34:15,056 --> 01:34:17,326
Well, thank you so much
for your help, darling.
2268
01:34:17,359 --> 01:34:19,562
God. Good to get out
of that head.
2269
01:34:19,595 --> 01:34:21,629
Whew! What a mess!
2270
01:34:22,797 --> 01:34:24,365
[both groaning]
2271
01:34:29,104 --> 01:34:30,239
[Deadpool] Stop!
2272
01:34:30,272 --> 01:34:32,273
Let's give it a beat
for the extras to clear.
2273
01:34:32,307 --> 01:34:34,542
Go, go, go, go, go!
Oh, my God!
2274
01:34:39,180 --> 01:34:42,116
- Oh. My. God.
- Fuck.
2275
01:34:43,352 --> 01:34:46,221
[♪ classic rock music plays,
"Make Me Lose Control"]
2276
01:34:49,724 --> 01:34:51,359
[Deadpool] It's her!
2277
01:34:52,227 --> 01:34:54,295
- Come on, girl!
- [Dogpool barks]
2278
01:34:55,430 --> 01:34:56,297
[barks]
2279
01:34:56,331 --> 01:34:58,567
♪ Was love always this good ♪
2280
01:34:58,601 --> 01:35:00,837
♪ Or could this be
just the start? ♪
2281
01:35:00,871 --> 01:35:02,237
Come on, girl!
2282
01:35:03,171 --> 01:35:05,106
♪ Baby, baby ♪
2283
01:35:05,139 --> 01:35:10,179
♪ Turn the radio up
for that sweet sound ♪
2284
01:35:10,212 --> 01:35:14,148
♪ Hold me close,
never let me go ♪
2285
01:35:14,182 --> 01:35:16,584
♪ Keep this feelin' alive... ♪
2286
01:35:16,618 --> 01:35:17,821
That's my girl!
2287
01:35:17,854 --> 01:35:19,287
We don't have to be apart
2288
01:35:19,320 --> 01:35:21,322
ever, ever again.
Never, ever...
2289
01:35:21,356 --> 01:35:22,725
- Sorry!
- [Deadpool] Fuck!
2290
01:35:22,757 --> 01:35:23,791
[♪ song stops]
2291
01:35:23,826 --> 01:35:25,560
What's Cafe Gratitude
doing here?
2292
01:35:25,593 --> 01:35:27,095
- Sorry about that.
- [Dogpool whimpering]
2293
01:35:27,127 --> 01:35:29,265
[Deadpool] Tremble not,
sweet Mary Puppins.
2294
01:35:29,298 --> 01:35:31,065
[whispers] I'll handle him.
2295
01:35:31,099 --> 01:35:32,433
Come here, girl.
Papa's here.
2296
01:35:32,467 --> 01:35:35,336
[Deadpool] Hey, do not insult
this animal's autonomy.
2297
01:35:35,370 --> 01:35:37,704
She can decide who her papa is.
2298
01:35:37,738 --> 01:35:38,875
What's it gonna be, girl, huh?
2299
01:35:38,909 --> 01:35:41,309
Original recipe
or Van Milder here?
2300
01:35:41,342 --> 01:35:45,479
Ah, that's funny. I can gently
tap the fourth wall too.
2301
01:35:45,512 --> 01:35:46,648
The Proposal.
2302
01:35:48,115 --> 01:35:49,250
[Deadpool] The fuck was that?
2303
01:35:49,284 --> 01:35:50,920
Bitch, you think
that's what I do?
2304
01:35:50,953 --> 01:35:52,220
Both of you shut up.
2305
01:35:52,254 --> 01:35:54,055
- [sniffs]
- You smell somethin'?
2306
01:35:54,088 --> 01:35:55,123
Yeah, you.
2307
01:35:55,156 --> 01:35:57,492
- [sniffs]
- A lot of you.
2308
01:35:57,525 --> 01:36:00,195
[♪ dramatic mysterious
music playing]
2309
01:36:11,440 --> 01:36:12,607
[tink]
2310
01:36:12,640 --> 01:36:15,044
Told you there were
a lot of Deadpools over there.
2311
01:36:15,076 --> 01:36:17,278
[♪ dramatic music continues]
2312
01:36:26,687 --> 01:36:27,823
[Deadpool] That's bad.
2313
01:36:46,008 --> 01:36:47,342
[neck cracks]
2314
01:36:49,110 --> 01:36:50,211
[♪ music fades out]
2315
01:36:50,244 --> 01:36:51,646
I take it they're not friendly.
2316
01:36:51,679 --> 01:36:52,547
[Nicepool] Goodness, no.
2317
01:36:52,580 --> 01:36:54,649
Sorry about this, boys.
Mission over.
2318
01:36:54,682 --> 01:36:57,752
Cause of death, one hundred
kill-thirsty Deadpools.
2319
01:36:57,785 --> 01:36:58,620
They're dumb.
2320
01:36:58,653 --> 01:37:00,489
But they can fight.
Not me, though.
2321
01:37:00,522 --> 01:37:03,191
Would love to get in the mix,
but I have low bone density
2322
01:37:03,225 --> 01:37:05,093
and I have to keep my face safe.
2323
01:37:05,126 --> 01:37:06,394
[Deadpool smooches]
Hold, please.
2324
01:37:06,427 --> 01:37:08,296
- Oh, God.
- [Deadpool] All right. Look.
2325
01:37:08,830 --> 01:37:09,831
Guys!
2326
01:37:11,001 --> 01:37:12,700
Deadpool Prime here.
2327
01:37:12,734 --> 01:37:14,302
- Our fight isn't with you...
- [kid] Hey!
2328
01:37:14,335 --> 01:37:15,770
When I want your opinion,
2329
01:37:15,803 --> 01:37:18,138
I'll take Wolverine's dick
out of your mouth.
2330
01:37:18,171 --> 01:37:19,941
That's Kidpool.
She's the dirtiest.
2331
01:37:19,974 --> 01:37:21,142
[Deadpool]
Can we just be done?
2332
01:37:21,175 --> 01:37:23,045
[Ladypool] Ooh,
we're just getting started.
2333
01:37:23,078 --> 01:37:24,113
[Deadpool] No, no, no, no, no.
2334
01:37:24,145 --> 01:37:26,614
With the whole multiverse thing.
2335
01:37:27,548 --> 01:37:28,883
It's not great.
2336
01:37:28,916 --> 01:37:30,251
It's just been miss
2337
01:37:30,618 --> 01:37:32,121
after miss
2338
01:37:32,153 --> 01:37:34,188
after miss.
2339
01:37:34,222 --> 01:37:36,523
Look, The Wizard of Oz
did the multiverse first,
2340
01:37:36,556 --> 01:37:39,393
and they did it best.
The gays knew it.
2341
01:37:39,426 --> 01:37:40,628
But we didn't listen.
2342
01:37:40,662 --> 01:37:43,665
Let's just take the L
and move on.
2343
01:37:43,698 --> 01:37:46,266
I think it's been
steadily great since Endgame.
2344
01:37:46,299 --> 01:37:47,869
[Ladypool]
What are you talking about?
2345
01:37:47,902 --> 01:37:49,470
The multiverse is over.
2346
01:37:49,504 --> 01:37:50,771
[Cowboypool]
Cassandy gonna destroy
2347
01:37:50,804 --> 01:37:52,507
the fuck outta every timeline.
2348
01:37:52,540 --> 01:37:54,008
Heh. Y'all can't do shit
about it.
2349
01:37:54,043 --> 01:37:55,077
[Deadpool] Do you not get it?
2350
01:37:55,110 --> 01:37:56,210
If we don't go down
to the subway
2351
01:37:56,244 --> 01:37:57,278
and stop her, we all die.
2352
01:37:57,311 --> 01:37:58,412
[Cowboypool]
Say, the boss lady
2353
01:37:58,445 --> 01:37:59,613
don't want no disturbances.
2354
01:37:59,646 --> 01:38:01,416
You wanna get down
to the subway,
2355
01:38:01,449 --> 01:38:02,717
you gotta go through us.
2356
01:38:02,750 --> 01:38:03,986
Uzi time, baby.
2357
01:38:04,019 --> 01:38:05,054
[Ladypool] Uzi time, baby.
2358
01:38:05,087 --> 01:38:06,386
[Deadpool] Look alive!
2359
01:38:07,022 --> 01:38:08,288
[Headpool yells]
2360
01:38:14,696 --> 01:38:15,563
[grunts]
2361
01:38:15,596 --> 01:38:17,398
- I think I'm hit.
- [Wolverine] No shit.
2362
01:38:17,432 --> 01:38:18,465
You did that on purpose.
2363
01:38:18,498 --> 01:38:20,233
[Deadpool]
I did no such thing!
2364
01:38:20,267 --> 01:38:21,435
Listen to me, gorgeous.
2365
01:38:21,468 --> 01:38:22,905
How long does it take
for you to regenerate?
2366
01:38:22,938 --> 01:38:24,338
Regenerate?
2367
01:38:26,240 --> 01:38:28,508
- [crow caws]
- [Dogpool grunts]
2368
01:38:28,877 --> 01:38:30,377
[retches]
2369
01:38:30,410 --> 01:38:32,246
You really are God's
perfect idiot, aren't you?
2370
01:38:32,280 --> 01:38:33,681
- I'm okay.
- [Deadpool] How dare you!
2371
01:38:33,715 --> 01:38:35,750
You insensitive son of a bitch!
2372
01:38:35,783 --> 01:38:37,952
How was I supposed to know
he doesn't regenerate?
2373
01:38:37,985 --> 01:38:39,486
I'm not a medicine woman.
2374
01:38:39,519 --> 01:38:41,856
Look. A donut cart.
They're practically hospitals.
2375
01:38:41,889 --> 01:38:42,757
- What?
- [Deadpool] They sell
2376
01:38:42,790 --> 01:38:44,225
- portable triage units.
- They don't.
2377
01:38:44,258 --> 01:38:45,393
[Deadpool] I'm gonna
get you to safety.
2378
01:38:45,426 --> 01:38:47,360
- He's not.
- [Deadpool] Deep breath.
2379
01:38:54,602 --> 01:38:55,436
[panting]
2380
01:38:55,470 --> 01:38:57,572
Hey, why are we stopping?
2381
01:38:57,605 --> 01:38:58,906
[Deadpool]
I'm just catching my breath.
2382
01:38:58,940 --> 01:39:01,876
What, are your legs on
vacation? You're dead weight!
2383
01:39:01,909 --> 01:39:03,478
That's because I'm paralyzed.
2384
01:39:03,511 --> 01:39:05,813
[Deadpool] We all have
problems. Listen to me.
2385
01:39:05,847 --> 01:39:06,848
You're gonna live.
2386
01:39:07,950 --> 01:39:09,150
Look at me, Nicepool.
2387
01:39:09,183 --> 01:39:10,752
[gunfire continues]
2388
01:39:13,122 --> 01:39:14,454
You're gonna live.
2389
01:39:15,023 --> 01:39:16,423
Say it!
2390
01:39:16,859 --> 01:39:18,391
I'm gonna live.
2391
01:39:18,426 --> 01:39:20,494
Say it with me.
You're gonna live.
2392
01:39:20,527 --> 01:39:22,696
[fumbling] I'm gonna live!
2393
01:39:22,729 --> 01:39:26,267
[Deadpool] Ha-hah!
Say it louder!
2394
01:39:26,300 --> 01:39:27,634
I'm gonna live...
2395
01:39:30,737 --> 01:39:31,873
[gunfire]
2396
01:39:36,376 --> 01:39:37,912
Hold your fire!
2397
01:39:39,847 --> 01:39:41,281
Sweet little puppy.
2398
01:39:51,291 --> 01:39:52,792
[Deadpool grunting]
God damn it!
2399
01:39:52,826 --> 01:39:54,930
I don't think
he's gonna make it.
2400
01:39:54,963 --> 01:39:56,663
God, he loved his face.
2401
01:39:56,696 --> 01:39:59,267
I can taste his final thought.
2402
01:39:59,299 --> 01:40:00,935
He was so afraid.
2403
01:40:00,968 --> 01:40:02,136
But he died a hero.
2404
01:40:02,170 --> 01:40:04,205
He died from murder,
you dumb fuck.
2405
01:40:04,238 --> 01:40:06,073
[Deadpool] And all I have
to remember him by
2406
01:40:07,008 --> 01:40:08,742
are these two gold-plated,
2407
01:40:08,775 --> 01:40:11,045
.50 caliber
Desert Eagle pistoleros.
2408
01:40:11,078 --> 01:40:12,078
This is for him.
2409
01:40:12,779 --> 01:40:14,348
Are you ready?
2410
01:40:14,382 --> 01:40:16,285
I get to kill a hundred yous?
2411
01:40:16,317 --> 01:40:17,684
Fuck yeah, I'm ready.
2412
01:40:18,552 --> 01:40:20,087
Hey, you don't want
to see this, bub.
2413
01:40:20,121 --> 01:40:21,354
[Deadpool] That's a good girl.
2414
01:40:21,388 --> 01:40:24,324
[♪ '80s pop music plays,
Madonna "Like a Prayer"]
2415
01:40:25,626 --> 01:40:30,097
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2416
01:40:30,131 --> 01:40:34,401
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2417
01:40:34,434 --> 01:40:39,240
♪ I hear you call my name ♪
2418
01:40:39,273 --> 01:40:43,077
♪ And it feels like ♪
2419
01:40:43,978 --> 01:40:45,881
♪ Home... ♪
2420
01:40:58,160 --> 01:40:59,726
[Deadpool] Holy shit.
2421
01:40:59,759 --> 01:41:02,129
You save the good stuff
for special occasions?
2422
01:41:02,163 --> 01:41:03,496
Killing, mostly.
2423
01:41:03,530 --> 01:41:04,630
[Deadpool]
What's the wind resistance
2424
01:41:04,663 --> 01:41:05,765
on those blowjob handles?
2425
01:41:05,799 --> 01:41:07,836
- [grunts]
- [laughs] I'm sorry.
2426
01:41:07,870 --> 01:41:10,503
I'm just a catty bitch
when I'm jealous.
2427
01:41:10,537 --> 01:41:12,206
All right, let's do this.
2428
01:41:12,240 --> 01:41:13,607
Maximum effort.
2429
01:41:16,244 --> 01:41:17,445
[♪ song pauses]
2430
01:41:21,015 --> 01:41:22,482
[Deadpools yelling]
2431
01:41:23,782 --> 01:41:25,186
- [♪ song resumes playing]
- [all grunting]
2432
01:41:25,219 --> 01:41:28,857
♪ When you call my name
It's like a little prayer ♪
2433
01:41:28,890 --> 01:41:33,094
♪ I'm down on my knees
I want to take you there ♪
2434
01:41:33,127 --> 01:41:37,331
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2435
01:41:37,365 --> 01:41:41,601
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I'll take you there ♪
2436
01:41:41,635 --> 01:41:45,604
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2437
01:41:45,638 --> 01:41:49,776
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2438
01:41:49,810 --> 01:41:53,147
♪ I hear you call my name ♪
2439
01:41:53,180 --> 01:41:54,413
You're dead.
2440
01:41:54,446 --> 01:41:58,451
♪ And it feels like ♪
2441
01:42:00,187 --> 01:42:01,655
[Deadpools yelling]
2442
01:42:01,688 --> 01:42:04,124
♪ Let the choir sing ♪
2443
01:42:04,157 --> 01:42:08,129
♪ When you call my name
It's like a little prayer ♪
2444
01:42:08,163 --> 01:42:12,565
♪ I'm down on my knees
I wanna take you there ♪
2445
01:42:12,598 --> 01:42:16,702
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2446
01:42:16,736 --> 01:42:20,141
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I'll take you there ♪
2447
01:42:20,174 --> 01:42:21,574
Motherfucker.
2448
01:42:22,309 --> 01:42:23,811
I wish I were deaf.
2449
01:42:23,844 --> 01:42:24,878
♪ I'll take you there ♪
2450
01:42:24,911 --> 01:42:26,679
♪ It's like a dream to me ♪
2451
01:42:26,712 --> 01:42:28,916
♪ Oh oh, yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
2452
01:42:28,950 --> 01:42:31,551
♪ Just like a prayer,
I'll take you there ♪
2453
01:42:31,584 --> 01:42:33,220
♪ Oh yeah, yeah ♪
2454
01:42:33,254 --> 01:42:35,521
♪ It's like a dream to me ♪
2455
01:42:35,554 --> 01:42:38,658
♪ Oh, oh ♪
2456
01:42:38,692 --> 01:42:42,096
♪ It's like a prayer... ♪
2457
01:42:43,797 --> 01:42:45,798
[crying Deadpool] I don't
wanna die. I don't wanna die.
2458
01:42:45,832 --> 01:42:46,933
I don't wanna...
2459
01:42:54,540 --> 01:42:56,742
[♪ outro music playing]
2460
01:42:58,945 --> 01:43:00,448
- [♪ song ends]
- [Deadpool grunts]
2461
01:43:00,480 --> 01:43:01,882
[Deadpool] Come on.
2462
01:43:01,916 --> 01:43:03,017
Oh, I blew it.
2463
01:43:03,050 --> 01:43:05,151
After all that, the only thing
they're gonna remember
2464
01:43:05,185 --> 01:43:07,020
is that God-awful dismount!
2465
01:43:07,955 --> 01:43:09,488
[giggling]
2466
01:43:11,691 --> 01:43:13,394
What you laughing at,
you little fucker?
2467
01:43:13,427 --> 01:43:14,626
[Babypool] Uh-oh.
2468
01:43:14,660 --> 01:43:15,929
[Deadpool] Uh-oh.
2469
01:43:15,962 --> 01:43:17,596
[Babypool cooing]
2470
01:43:18,131 --> 01:43:20,167
[Babypool giggling]
2471
01:43:20,201 --> 01:43:21,868
I guess these ones regenerate.
2472
01:43:23,769 --> 01:43:26,373
Come on.
We don't have time for this.
2473
01:43:26,406 --> 01:43:27,440
[Peter] Deadpools!
2474
01:43:27,474 --> 01:43:28,843
Stand down.
2475
01:43:29,844 --> 01:43:32,046
[♪ heroic music playing]
2476
01:43:39,253 --> 01:43:40,653
This Deadpool's with me.
2477
01:43:40,687 --> 01:43:42,156
[Deadpool] Oh, no.
2478
01:43:42,189 --> 01:43:43,555
[Ladypool] Holy shit.
2479
01:43:43,589 --> 01:43:45,159
[Kidpool]
That's fuckin' Peter!
2480
01:43:45,192 --> 01:43:46,759
[Deadpools cheering]
2481
01:43:48,061 --> 01:43:49,930
[Deadpool] Wait, you...
You guys know Peter?
2482
01:43:49,964 --> 01:43:52,033
[Ladypool] You kidding me?
Every Deadpool has a Peter.
2483
01:43:52,066 --> 01:43:54,467
[Cowboypool] Shit.
Peter's a goddamn legend
2484
01:43:54,501 --> 01:43:56,036
in every Deadpool's world.
2485
01:43:56,069 --> 01:43:58,404
Peter-san. Hai.
2486
01:43:58,438 --> 01:44:00,073
[Deadpools cheering]
2487
01:44:04,477 --> 01:44:05,577
[Peter laughs]
2488
01:44:05,611 --> 01:44:07,613
[Deadpools chanting]
Peter. Peter. Peter.
2489
01:44:07,646 --> 01:44:10,918
Peter. Peter. Peter.
Peter. Peter. Peter.
2490
01:44:10,951 --> 01:44:13,619
- Peter. Peter. Peter.
- [Peter laughing]
2491
01:44:13,652 --> 01:44:15,288
[Deadpool] Enjoy my Peter.
2492
01:44:16,622 --> 01:44:19,827
- [♪ tense music playing]
- [Time Ripper thrumming]
2493
01:44:35,341 --> 01:44:36,910
[Time Ripper whirring]
2494
01:44:42,715 --> 01:44:43,817
Oh, now you're here.
2495
01:44:43,850 --> 01:44:45,318
Oh, well, you're too late.
It's all over.
2496
01:44:45,351 --> 01:44:46,519
Not yet, it's not.
2497
01:44:46,553 --> 01:44:48,253
[Deadpool] Whoa. No, no, no.
We're very close.
2498
01:44:48,288 --> 01:44:49,655
Homestretch, folks. Promise.
2499
01:44:49,688 --> 01:44:51,392
Quick, let's up the stakes.
2500
01:44:51,425 --> 01:44:52,791
If she steals
the Time Ripper's energy,
2501
01:44:52,826 --> 01:44:55,462
she has the power to shred
the fabric of all realities
2502
01:44:55,495 --> 01:44:57,263
until there is nothing left
but The Void.
2503
01:44:57,297 --> 01:44:58,531
How do we shut it down?
2504
01:44:58,565 --> 01:44:59,730
I don't know.
2505
01:44:59,764 --> 01:45:01,367
[Mr. Paradox grunts]
2506
01:45:01,401 --> 01:45:02,634
[Wolverine] How about now?
2507
01:45:02,668 --> 01:45:03,870
[Deadpool] The mask
is really intimidating, huh?
2508
01:45:03,903 --> 01:45:06,206
It's like Batman,
except he can move his neck.
2509
01:45:06,239 --> 01:45:07,874
Okay, look, look, look.
2510
01:45:09,042 --> 01:45:11,611
The Ripper is fed from
a secure chamber below ground.
2511
01:45:11,644 --> 01:45:14,680
It is powered by twin matter
and anti-matter feeds
2512
01:45:14,713 --> 01:45:16,149
converging inside the device.
2513
01:45:16,182 --> 01:45:17,015
Now, Cassandra Nova
2514
01:45:17,049 --> 01:45:18,351
is redirecting
the Ripper's power
2515
01:45:18,384 --> 01:45:20,719
to eliminate all timelines,
starting with this one.
2516
01:45:20,752 --> 01:45:22,123
Theoretically,
you could stop her
2517
01:45:22,156 --> 01:45:24,124
by short-circuiting the feeds
in the chamber below.
2518
01:45:24,157 --> 01:45:26,758
One of you were to create a
circuit between the two feeds,
2519
01:45:26,792 --> 01:45:30,095
then the released power
would destroy the machine.
2520
01:45:30,129 --> 01:45:31,931
- But, well... But...
- [Deadpool] Come on, man.
2521
01:45:31,965 --> 01:45:34,067
If you're not gonna swallow,
spit it out.
2522
01:45:34,100 --> 01:45:37,437
Whoever formed the bridge
would be annihilated.
2523
01:45:37,470 --> 01:45:38,804
I could live with that.
2524
01:45:38,837 --> 01:45:40,173
[Deadpool] Yeah, I could live
with that, too, actually.
2525
01:45:40,206 --> 01:45:41,673
You know, we survive anything.
We're like cockroaches.
2526
01:45:41,707 --> 01:45:42,609
- [Deadpool chuckles]
- [Mr. Paradox] Not this time.
2527
01:45:42,641 --> 01:45:45,011
This is matter and anti-matter.
2528
01:45:45,044 --> 01:45:47,080
They do not play nicely
with each other.
2529
01:45:47,113 --> 01:45:50,582
When they mix in your body,
you will be atomized.
2530
01:45:50,616 --> 01:45:52,685
Trust the laws of physics
if you don't trust me.
2531
01:45:52,719 --> 01:45:54,854
Even if you lived long enough
to make the circuit,
2532
01:45:54,888 --> 01:45:57,723
you will die down there.
2533
01:46:03,264 --> 01:46:04,397
[crackling]
2534
01:46:11,972 --> 01:46:14,374
[♪ dramatic choral
music playing]
2535
01:46:14,407 --> 01:46:15,808
[moaning]
2536
01:46:22,849 --> 01:46:24,417
[Wolverine] Hold off. Hold.
2537
01:46:24,450 --> 01:46:25,952
You heard that asshole upstairs.
2538
01:46:25,985 --> 01:46:30,688
Even if we pull this off,
we're dead. Permanently.
2539
01:46:30,721 --> 01:46:32,960
- That's why it's got to be me.
- What?
2540
01:46:36,728 --> 01:46:38,730
Look, man... [panting]
2541
01:46:38,764 --> 01:46:41,099
you didn't ask for any of this.
2542
01:46:41,133 --> 01:46:42,468
You were right.
2543
01:46:42,503 --> 01:46:43,702
I lied.
2544
01:46:44,404 --> 01:46:46,072
I lied right to your face
2545
01:46:46,104 --> 01:46:48,208
just to get you to help me.
And you did.
2546
01:46:49,142 --> 01:46:50,708
You didn't lie.
2547
01:46:52,511 --> 01:46:54,013
You made an educated wish.
2548
01:46:57,083 --> 01:46:58,084
Come on.
2549
01:46:59,085 --> 01:47:01,086
You got a whole world
to go back to.
2550
01:47:02,589 --> 01:47:03,789
I got nothin'.
2551
01:47:05,724 --> 01:47:06,926
I got nothin'.
2552
01:47:11,796 --> 01:47:12,998
Give me this.
2553
01:47:20,039 --> 01:47:21,206
Hey.
2554
01:47:25,612 --> 01:47:27,480
I waited a long time
for this team-up.
2555
01:47:29,716 --> 01:47:30,983
You know something?
2556
01:47:32,718 --> 01:47:34,320
You were the best Wolverine.
2557
01:47:35,087 --> 01:47:37,290
[♪ sentimental music playing]
2558
01:47:43,028 --> 01:47:45,064
Say hi to your friends for me.
2559
01:47:53,739 --> 01:47:55,008
[Wolverine grunts]
2560
01:47:57,243 --> 01:47:58,278
No!
2561
01:47:58,311 --> 01:47:59,511
Open the door!
2562
01:47:59,544 --> 01:48:02,048
[Deadpool] I can't hear you
over all the noble sacrifice.
2563
01:48:02,081 --> 01:48:03,682
Why are you fucking doing this?
2564
01:48:03,715 --> 01:48:06,819
[Deadpool]
Because I'm Marvel Jesus.
2565
01:48:08,387 --> 01:48:09,388
Or Spock.
2566
01:48:10,589 --> 01:48:11,624
Hard to say.
2567
01:48:11,658 --> 01:48:12,991
[glass squeaks]
2568
01:48:14,259 --> 01:48:15,360
[smooches]
2569
01:48:16,295 --> 01:48:17,730
[Wolverine] Wade!
2570
01:48:17,764 --> 01:48:19,931
You fucking idiot!
2571
01:48:23,801 --> 01:48:26,605
[Deadpool laughs]
Sorry, I'm just stalling.
2572
01:48:26,638 --> 01:48:28,540
I think I'm nervous about dying.
2573
01:48:29,408 --> 01:48:31,043
This should be me.
2574
01:48:31,076 --> 01:48:32,878
[Deadpool] Say hi to
my friends for me, peanut.
2575
01:48:32,911 --> 01:48:34,179
[Wolverine] Wade!
2576
01:48:34,212 --> 01:48:36,214
You want to be an
annoying prick, do it this side!
2577
01:48:36,248 --> 01:48:38,484
You're gonna die in there,
you dumb fuck!
2578
01:48:38,518 --> 01:48:40,018
[breathing heavily]
2579
01:48:45,258 --> 01:48:47,327
Hey! You don't need
to do this.
2580
01:48:47,360 --> 01:48:49,262
[Deadpool] I'm not doing it
'cause I need it.
2581
01:48:50,096 --> 01:48:52,397
I'm doing it because they do.
2582
01:48:52,431 --> 01:48:53,565
[grunts]
2583
01:48:55,835 --> 01:48:57,602
[straining]
2584
01:49:03,275 --> 01:49:04,476
No!
2585
01:49:05,410 --> 01:49:06,546
[grunting]
2586
01:49:08,680 --> 01:49:10,249
[straining]
2587
01:49:18,156 --> 01:49:19,191
[grunts]
2588
01:49:20,859 --> 01:49:22,461
[straining]
2589
01:49:28,900 --> 01:49:30,269
[exhales]
2590
01:49:31,002 --> 01:49:32,304
[continues straining]
2591
01:49:33,772 --> 01:49:35,374
He's not gonna make it.
2592
01:49:38,777 --> 01:49:40,145
[strains]
2593
01:49:43,949 --> 01:49:45,217
It's over.
2594
01:49:46,886 --> 01:49:48,086
[grunts]
2595
01:49:48,787 --> 01:49:50,122
[straining]
2596
01:49:53,392 --> 01:49:54,959
[continues straining]
2597
01:49:57,830 --> 01:49:58,964
[screaming]
2598
01:49:58,998 --> 01:50:00,066
[choir]
♪ When you call my name ♪
2599
01:50:00,098 --> 01:50:02,000
♪ It's like a little prayer ♪
2600
01:50:02,033 --> 01:50:04,102
♪ I'm down on my knees ♪
2601
01:50:04,136 --> 01:50:06,370
♪ I want to take you there ♪
2602
01:50:06,404 --> 01:50:10,308
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2603
01:50:10,342 --> 01:50:13,578
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I'll take you there ♪
2604
01:50:13,612 --> 01:50:14,746
[grunting]
2605
01:50:14,780 --> 01:50:16,681
♪ Take you there ♪
2606
01:50:16,714 --> 01:50:20,786
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2607
01:50:20,820 --> 01:50:23,721
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2608
01:50:23,754 --> 01:50:25,489
[straining]
2609
01:50:25,523 --> 01:50:29,194
- ♪ I hear you call my name ♪
- [grunting]
2610
01:50:29,227 --> 01:50:31,229
- ♪ And it feels like ♪
- [straining]
2611
01:50:33,565 --> 01:50:37,569
- ♪ And it feels like home ♪
- [straining]
2612
01:50:37,603 --> 01:50:39,104
[rumbling]
2613
01:50:45,709 --> 01:50:47,311
[yelling]
2614
01:50:47,745 --> 01:50:49,347
[screaming]
2615
01:50:51,416 --> 01:50:52,616
[♪ music fades]
2616
01:50:52,650 --> 01:50:54,119
[Deadpool] The Wolverine.
2617
01:50:54,986 --> 01:50:57,021
He's a hero in my world.
2618
01:50:59,057 --> 01:51:00,192
[Wolverine] Whoever
you think I am,
2619
01:51:00,225 --> 01:51:01,660
you got the wrong guy.
2620
01:51:03,093 --> 01:51:05,095
[Laura] You were always
the wrong guy...
2621
01:51:06,530 --> 01:51:07,565
till you weren't.
2622
01:51:07,598 --> 01:51:10,035
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2623
01:51:10,068 --> 01:51:11,470
[Mr. Paradox] Wade.
2624
01:51:11,503 --> 01:51:13,504
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2625
01:51:13,537 --> 01:51:18,008
Wade. You can finally,
finally matter.
2626
01:51:18,042 --> 01:51:20,178
♪ I hear you call my name ♪
2627
01:51:20,212 --> 01:51:24,649
♪ And it feels like ♪
2628
01:51:25,584 --> 01:51:29,421
♪ Home ♪
2629
01:51:29,454 --> 01:51:30,755
[straining]
2630
01:51:30,789 --> 01:51:33,825
♪ I hear your voice ♪
2631
01:51:33,859 --> 01:51:35,126
Vanessa.
2632
01:51:35,160 --> 01:51:37,661
♪ It's like an angel sighing ♪
2633
01:51:37,695 --> 01:51:39,064
I wanna see Vanessa.
2634
01:51:39,097 --> 01:51:43,334
♪ I have no choice
I hear your voice ♪
2635
01:51:43,367 --> 01:51:45,570
♪ Feels like flying ♪
2636
01:51:45,604 --> 01:51:50,175
For the first time in my life,
I am proud to wear this suit.
2637
01:51:51,141 --> 01:51:53,077
It means I'm an X-Man.
2638
01:51:55,479 --> 01:51:56,949
I am the X-Man.
2639
01:51:56,983 --> 01:51:58,885
♪ I can feel your power ♪
2640
01:51:58,918 --> 01:52:02,620
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I'll take you there ♪
2641
01:52:02,653 --> 01:52:03,856
[screaming]
2642
01:52:03,890 --> 01:52:07,191
♪ When you call my name
It's like a little prayer ♪
2643
01:52:07,224 --> 01:52:09,728
♪ I'm down on my knees ♪
2644
01:52:09,761 --> 01:52:11,396
[screaming]
2645
01:52:11,429 --> 01:52:15,300
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2646
01:52:15,333 --> 01:52:16,868
♪ Just like a prayer ♪
2647
01:52:16,902 --> 01:52:20,805
♪ You know I'll take you,
take you, take you ♪
2648
01:52:23,141 --> 01:52:24,441
[♪ song fades out]
2649
01:52:31,683 --> 01:52:33,685
[♪ solemn music playing]
2650
01:52:41,026 --> 01:52:42,660
[woman] Paradox.
2651
01:52:44,528 --> 01:52:45,965
You've been busy.
2652
01:52:45,998 --> 01:52:47,231
Well, somebody had to be.
2653
01:52:47,264 --> 01:52:49,133
We had some strange readings
from this location.
2654
01:52:49,166 --> 01:52:50,367
You wouldn't know anything about
2655
01:52:50,401 --> 01:52:52,905
an unsanctioned Time Ripper,
would you?
2656
01:52:52,939 --> 01:52:54,539
Uh, no. No.
I wouldn't know anything
2657
01:52:54,573 --> 01:52:56,240
about an unsanctioned
Time Ripper.
2658
01:52:56,273 --> 01:52:57,976
Maybe you should ask
Cassandra Nova.
2659
01:52:58,009 --> 01:52:59,143
Because I was assured
2660
01:52:59,176 --> 01:53:01,580
that she was safely held
in The Void. But no,
2661
01:53:01,613 --> 01:53:03,848
she was here.
And she fondled my brain.
2662
01:53:03,882 --> 01:53:06,151
- How did you let this happen?
- You weren't involved at all?
2663
01:53:06,184 --> 01:53:08,887
In stopping her, yes!
Yes, I was.
2664
01:53:08,920 --> 01:53:10,454
But not nearly enough.
2665
01:53:10,487 --> 01:53:12,858
Not as much as the men
who went down there after her.
2666
01:53:13,591 --> 01:53:14,659
My men.
2667
01:53:15,459 --> 01:53:16,460
My friends.
2668
01:53:17,795 --> 01:53:18,964
I warned them.
2669
01:53:18,997 --> 01:53:20,464
That they would be completely
obliterated if they went.
2670
01:53:20,497 --> 01:53:22,232
But they went anyway. Like...
2671
01:53:23,868 --> 01:53:25,270
Like heroes.
2672
01:53:25,303 --> 01:53:27,005
[♪ somber music playing]
2673
01:53:27,038 --> 01:53:28,772
Because that's who they were.
2674
01:53:31,476 --> 01:53:33,211
They just did
what they had to do.
2675
01:53:34,345 --> 01:53:36,213
With no concern
for their own safety.
2676
01:53:39,515 --> 01:53:43,054
The fact that we are
all still standing here
2677
01:53:43,088 --> 01:53:45,890
is a testament to their heroism.
2678
01:53:49,460 --> 01:53:50,894
Anyway, there's nothing
you or I can do
2679
01:53:50,928 --> 01:53:52,163
to bring them back now.
2680
01:53:53,631 --> 01:53:55,733
[Deadpool] He has risen,
baby girl.
2681
01:53:55,766 --> 01:53:56,836
Fuck!
2682
01:53:56,869 --> 01:54:01,337
♪ And I don't want
the world to see me ♪
2683
01:54:01,371 --> 01:54:06,243
♪ 'Cause I don't think
that they'd understand ♪
2684
01:54:06,276 --> 01:54:10,381
♪ When everything's
made to be broken ♪
2685
01:54:10,414 --> 01:54:16,186
♪ I just want you
to know who I am ♪
2686
01:54:16,220 --> 01:54:17,421
[Deadpool]
Found your new Anchor Being.
2687
01:54:17,454 --> 01:54:20,257
And we're doing just fine,
you piece of shit.
2688
01:54:20,290 --> 01:54:21,826
- [female TVA agent] Mm.
- [male TVA agent] Mm-hmm.
2689
01:54:21,860 --> 01:54:23,327
Fine indeed.
2690
01:54:23,360 --> 01:54:26,263
[Deadpool] All right.
Put your greasy tits away,
2691
01:54:26,296 --> 01:54:27,364
you preening slut.
2692
01:54:27,398 --> 01:54:29,868
- [sighs]
- I don't understand.
2693
01:54:29,901 --> 01:54:31,335
How are you two still alive?
2694
01:54:31,368 --> 01:54:33,237
[Deadpool] You were right. One
of us would have been killed.
2695
01:54:33,271 --> 01:54:35,073
- [gasps]
- But you put a Deadpool
2696
01:54:35,106 --> 01:54:36,440
and a Wolverine together,
2697
01:54:36,473 --> 01:54:38,842
make 'em hold hands
while listening to Madonna...
2698
01:54:38,876 --> 01:54:41,311
indestructible, motherfucker.
2699
01:54:41,345 --> 01:54:43,414
Let's get this Deadpool
Variant back to The Void.
2700
01:54:43,447 --> 01:54:44,748
[Deadpool] Wait, hold on.
What?
2701
01:54:44,783 --> 01:54:45,818
[Peter] Nope. Actually...
2702
01:54:45,850 --> 01:54:47,583
This one's homegrown, like me.
2703
01:54:47,617 --> 01:54:48,920
He belongs here.
2704
01:54:48,953 --> 01:54:49,988
And you are?
2705
01:54:50,021 --> 01:54:52,756
Peterpool.
But you can call me Peter.
2706
01:54:54,258 --> 01:54:55,559
And I hope that you do.
2707
01:55:01,698 --> 01:55:03,332
What the fuck is happening here?
2708
01:55:03,367 --> 01:55:05,202
You are under judgment
2709
01:55:05,235 --> 01:55:07,237
for operating
an unsanctioned Time Ripper.
2710
01:55:07,271 --> 01:55:08,439
- Take him.
- I was just doing what
2711
01:55:08,472 --> 01:55:10,075
you don't have the guts to do.
2712
01:55:10,108 --> 01:55:11,175
[Deadpool smooches]
2713
01:55:11,207 --> 01:55:13,978
Get your insolent hands
off me! Get off!
2714
01:55:15,180 --> 01:55:16,915
I'm grateful, gentlemen.
2715
01:55:17,781 --> 01:55:18,782
Let's hold the bows.
2716
01:55:18,817 --> 01:55:21,418
You led an Omega-level mutant
to this timeline.
2717
01:55:21,452 --> 01:55:23,121
- [Deadpool] You're welcome.
- And you
2718
01:55:23,154 --> 01:55:24,621
shouldn't even be
near this timeline.
2719
01:55:24,655 --> 01:55:26,924
- [Deadpool] He's welcome.
- And you
2720
01:55:26,958 --> 01:55:28,791
look damn good in that suit.
2721
01:55:28,826 --> 01:55:29,928
I'm so sorry.
2722
01:55:30,693 --> 01:55:31,830
[device beeping]
2723
01:55:34,331 --> 01:55:35,967
I wanna show you something.
2724
01:55:37,035 --> 01:55:38,334
Something huge.
2725
01:55:38,367 --> 01:55:40,303
[Deadpool] That's what
Scoutmaster Kevin used to say.
2726
01:55:41,805 --> 01:55:43,373
Do you see that?
2727
01:55:43,407 --> 01:55:45,275
Your universe is regenerating.
2728
01:55:46,144 --> 01:55:47,911
Whatever you did here,
2729
01:55:47,945 --> 01:55:50,247
you not only saved your world.
2730
01:55:50,280 --> 01:55:52,782
You spared your timeline
from extinction.
2731
01:55:54,651 --> 01:55:55,820
I'd rest up.
2732
01:55:55,854 --> 01:55:58,288
I have a feeling your work
is only just getting started.
2733
01:55:58,322 --> 01:56:00,657
[Deadpool whispers]
Till you're 90.
2734
01:56:00,691 --> 01:56:02,425
Wait! Um...
2735
01:56:02,459 --> 01:56:06,064
We couldn't have made it out
of The Void without some help
2736
01:56:06,097 --> 01:56:09,032
from some people
that the world kind of...
2737
01:56:09,066 --> 01:56:10,367
kind of forgot.
2738
01:56:10,400 --> 01:56:13,004
Is there any way that
you could maybe find a way
2739
01:56:13,037 --> 01:56:14,370
to bring them home?
2740
01:56:15,974 --> 01:56:17,307
I'll see what I can do.
2741
01:56:17,341 --> 01:56:19,844
[Deadpool] And, um,
I promised my friend here
2742
01:56:19,878 --> 01:56:22,646
that the TVA could undo
some pretty awful shit
2743
01:56:22,679 --> 01:56:23,547
in his timeline.
2744
01:56:23,580 --> 01:56:25,048
What would you say to that?
2745
01:56:25,082 --> 01:56:26,583
Change the past?
2746
01:56:26,617 --> 01:56:28,887
[Deadpool] Well, he did
help me save the world.
2747
01:56:28,920 --> 01:56:31,522
And his past made him
the man who did it.
2748
01:56:32,389 --> 01:56:34,791
There's nothing to fix,
Mr. Wilson.
2749
01:56:36,161 --> 01:56:37,394
Logan.
2750
01:56:40,763 --> 01:56:42,632
- [Deadpool] Shawarma? Yeah.
- I could eat.
2751
01:56:52,309 --> 01:56:54,744
You know, the Avengers
discovered shawarma.
2752
01:56:55,545 --> 01:56:57,447
They'd be lucky to have you.
2753
01:57:01,052 --> 01:57:02,854
[dog barking]
2754
01:57:04,554 --> 01:57:06,858
- Oh.
- Oh, come on.
2755
01:57:06,891 --> 01:57:07,926
Fuck off!
2756
01:57:09,060 --> 01:57:10,459
Come here, my little cunchkin.
2757
01:57:10,493 --> 01:57:12,029
- [Dogpool barks]
- Yes, it's you.
2758
01:57:12,062 --> 01:57:14,064
You're a survivor.
2759
01:57:14,097 --> 01:57:15,132
Mwah.
2760
01:57:15,165 --> 01:57:17,001
Oh, all is right in the world.
2761
01:57:18,236 --> 01:57:19,436
Yes, it is.
2762
01:57:21,072 --> 01:57:22,405
So what are you gonna do next?
2763
01:57:23,706 --> 01:57:25,909
I'll figure it out.
I always do.
2764
01:57:26,709 --> 01:57:27,812
All right.
2765
01:57:28,745 --> 01:57:30,479
So I'll probably see you around?
2766
01:57:30,513 --> 01:57:33,016
[♪ soul music playing,
"You're All I Need to Get By"]
2767
01:57:35,152 --> 01:57:36,351
Probably not.
2768
01:57:39,423 --> 01:57:40,623
See you, bub.
2769
01:57:50,134 --> 01:57:51,400
[Wade] Logan.
2770
01:57:57,809 --> 01:57:59,543
Al. I'm back.
2771
01:58:00,010 --> 01:58:01,478
About damn time.
2772
01:58:01,511 --> 01:58:04,314
You holdin'? I'm all outta
devil's dandruff,
2773
01:58:04,348 --> 01:58:06,515
and I'm shaking
like an angry vibrator.
2774
01:58:06,549 --> 01:58:08,452
Thank you, Al.
We have company.
2775
01:58:09,153 --> 01:58:10,753
Althea, this is...
2776
01:58:11,355 --> 01:58:12,588
This is Logan.
2777
01:58:12,622 --> 01:58:14,657
- Nice to meet you, Logan.
- Nice to meet you, too.
2778
01:58:14,689 --> 01:58:18,328
And this little ancient anal
shit-knot is Mary Puppins.
2779
01:58:18,362 --> 01:58:20,797
Or as I like to call her,
Dogpool.
2780
01:58:20,831 --> 01:58:22,765
You want to treat yourself
to a little stroke?
2781
01:58:24,101 --> 01:58:27,237
- Get the tongue. There it is.
- Oh, my God! Motherfucker!
2782
01:58:27,271 --> 01:58:31,276
Right? It's like an armadillo
fucked a gremlin, angrily,
2783
01:58:31,308 --> 01:58:33,110
- in a bed of gonorrhea...
- Wow.
2784
01:58:33,143 --> 01:58:35,444
...and didn't stop till
the sun came up. [chuckles]
2785
01:58:36,479 --> 01:58:38,850
Everyone wants to matter.
2786
01:58:38,883 --> 01:58:42,219
Turns out that you don't need
to be Marvel Jesus to do it.
2787
01:58:42,252 --> 01:58:44,855
You just need to open
your eyes and look around.
2788
01:58:45,420 --> 01:58:46,622
And if you're lucky,
2789
01:58:47,423 --> 01:58:49,294
you'll find a few friends.
2790
01:58:49,327 --> 01:58:50,626
Old friends,
2791
01:58:51,460 --> 01:58:53,196
and some new ones too.
2792
01:58:54,865 --> 01:58:55,998
[laughter]
2793
01:58:57,766 --> 01:58:59,938
Give me the fucking dog.
Talk to the girl.
2794
01:59:04,606 --> 01:59:06,076
[indistinct chatter]
2795
01:59:10,314 --> 01:59:11,514
Oh, hi.
2796
01:59:11,547 --> 01:59:13,649
- Hi.
- [both laugh]
2797
01:59:13,683 --> 01:59:15,252
[Wade clears throat]
2798
01:59:15,285 --> 01:59:16,485
You've been busy.
2799
01:59:19,356 --> 01:59:20,959
I did it for you.
2800
01:59:22,792 --> 01:59:25,429
And even if you don't want me,
I... I did it for you.
2801
01:59:34,570 --> 01:59:36,306
Turns out,
2802
01:59:36,340 --> 01:59:38,573
I am the world-saving type.
2803
01:59:38,606 --> 01:59:40,811
Just look around this table
if you want proof.
2804
01:59:41,610 --> 01:59:42,813
And the best part?
2805
01:59:43,546 --> 01:59:45,548
Sometimes the people we save,
2806
01:59:46,383 --> 01:59:48,317
they save us right back.
2807
01:59:48,351 --> 01:59:49,821
[♪ "You're All I Need
to Get By" continues playing]
2808
01:59:49,854 --> 01:59:53,789
♪ We've got
the right foundation ♪
2809
01:59:53,824 --> 01:59:58,561
♪ And with the love
and determination ♪
2810
01:59:58,594 --> 02:00:03,900
♪ You're all,
you're all I need ♪
2811
02:00:03,933 --> 02:00:09,405
♪ You're all,
you're all I need ♪
2812
02:00:09,438 --> 02:00:11,441
♪ You're all ♪
2813
02:00:11,475 --> 02:00:16,145
♪ You're all
I need to get by ♪
2814
02:00:19,548 --> 02:00:23,152
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
2815
02:00:23,185 --> 02:00:26,189
[♪ alt. rock music plays,
Green Day "Time of Your Life"]
2816
02:00:27,923 --> 02:00:30,326
[Charles] You're not
the only one with gifts.
2817
02:00:30,359 --> 02:00:31,694
What is this place?
2818
02:00:41,805 --> 02:00:46,809
♪ Another turning point,
a fork stuck in the road ♪
2819
02:00:46,842 --> 02:00:51,114
♪ Time grabs you by the wrist,
directs you where to go ♪
2820
02:00:51,148 --> 02:00:52,416
[groans]
2821
02:00:52,449 --> 02:00:56,551
♪ So make the best of this
test and don't ask why ♪
2822
02:00:56,584 --> 02:01:00,489
♪ It's not a question, but
a lesson learned in time ♪
2823
02:01:00,523 --> 02:01:02,426
- Nice suit.
- Zip it, Stan Lee.
2824
02:01:02,458 --> 02:01:03,726
♪ It's something
unpredictable ♪
2825
02:01:03,759 --> 02:01:06,328
♪ But in the end is right ♪
2826
02:01:06,362 --> 02:01:10,132
♪ I hope you had
the time of your life... ♪
2827
02:01:10,166 --> 02:01:11,334
[laughter]
2828
02:01:11,368 --> 02:01:13,804
I really like the, uh... the
art in the Deadpool comics.
2829
02:01:13,836 --> 02:01:16,139
You know, I just always felt
a kind of a kinship to him.
2830
02:01:16,173 --> 02:01:19,042
And I just thought, I'd like
to play that guy someday.
2831
02:01:19,075 --> 02:01:24,380
♪ So take the photographs and
still frames in your mind ♪
2832
02:01:24,413 --> 02:01:29,251
♪ Hang it on a shelf in
good health and good time ♪
2833
02:01:29,285 --> 02:01:34,190
♪ Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial ♪
2834
02:01:34,223 --> 02:01:37,127
♪ For what it's worth,
it was worth ♪
2835
02:01:37,160 --> 02:01:39,295
- ♪ All the while ♪
- [applause]
2836
02:01:39,328 --> 02:01:40,429
[cheering]
2837
02:01:40,463 --> 02:01:41,629
♪ It's something
unpredictable ♪
2838
02:01:41,663 --> 02:01:43,900
♪ But in the end is right ♪
2839
02:01:43,934 --> 02:01:47,503
♪ I hope you had
the time of your life... ♪
2840
02:01:47,536 --> 02:01:50,806
I was there for three weeks
before I shot a single thing.
2841
02:01:50,840 --> 02:01:53,076
At our first day of shooting,
2842
02:01:53,110 --> 02:01:54,944
I was so nervous, man.
2843
02:01:54,977 --> 02:01:57,146
Everyone was sort of going,
"Who's this guy?"
2844
02:01:57,179 --> 02:01:59,148
You know,
there was a lot of that and,
2845
02:01:59,182 --> 02:02:00,748
you know,
"Is he gonna deliver or not?"
2846
02:02:00,782 --> 02:02:02,952
You can feel
all that kind of pressure.
2847
02:02:04,020 --> 02:02:07,356
It's always the suit's fault.
Never the actor.
2848
02:02:15,030 --> 02:02:15,865
[screaming]
2849
02:02:15,898 --> 02:02:17,567
- This is...
- The only way.
2850
02:02:17,601 --> 02:02:20,069
♪ It's something
unpredictable ♪
2851
02:02:20,102 --> 02:02:22,204
♪ But in the end is right ♪
2852
02:02:22,238 --> 02:02:26,708
♪ I hope you had
the time of your life ♪
2853
02:02:26,741 --> 02:02:29,044
Ah, so this is
what it feels like.
2854
02:02:31,480 --> 02:02:33,283
And there's the lights.
2855
02:02:33,316 --> 02:02:34,985
For medical research.
2856
02:02:35,018 --> 02:02:37,119
- Bye-bye, video. [smooches]
- [man] Bye.
2857
02:02:37,153 --> 02:02:38,154
[♪ song ends]
2858
02:02:42,625 --> 02:02:44,827
[♪ instrumental music playing]
2859
02:06:51,039 --> 02:06:53,809
[Deadpool] I'm tired of
these absolutely vile rumors
2860
02:06:53,842 --> 02:06:55,143
that I got Johnny killed.
2861
02:06:56,010 --> 02:06:57,244
Let's look at the tape.
2862
02:06:58,446 --> 02:06:59,681
In The Void,
2863
02:06:59,715 --> 02:07:01,649
you're either food for Alioth
2864
02:07:01,682 --> 02:07:02,984
or you work for her.
2865
02:07:05,920 --> 02:07:07,255
[Deadpool] Go on, Johnny.
2866
02:07:07,288 --> 02:07:08,923
And I'll tell you who "her" is.
2867
02:07:08,956 --> 02:07:09,992
Cassandra Nova.
2868
02:07:10,025 --> 02:07:12,260
A megalomaniacal,
psychotic asshole.
2869
02:07:12,293 --> 02:07:14,328
A finger licking
dead-inside pixie slab
2870
02:07:14,362 --> 02:07:16,463
of third rate dime-store
nut-milk. And I'll tell you
2871
02:07:16,496 --> 02:07:17,932
- what she can do.
- [Deadpool] I'm listening.
2872
02:07:17,965 --> 02:07:19,836
She can lick my goddamn
cinnamon ring clean
2873
02:07:19,869 --> 02:07:21,503
and kick rocks
all the way to bald hell.
2874
02:07:21,537 --> 02:07:24,005
In fact, I don't give a shit
if she removes all my skin
2875
02:07:24,038 --> 02:07:26,040
and pops me like some
nightmarish blood balloon.
2876
02:07:26,072 --> 02:07:27,175
If the last thing I do
2877
02:07:27,208 --> 02:07:29,143
in this godforsaken
cum-gutter existence
2878
02:07:29,177 --> 02:07:30,846
is light that fuck-box on fire,
2879
02:07:30,879 --> 02:07:32,047
I still won't die happy.
2880
02:07:32,080 --> 02:07:33,714
[Deadpool laughs]
Holy shit, girl. You crazy.
2881
02:07:33,748 --> 02:07:36,350
That's right, Wade. I won't
be happy until I've urinated
2882
02:07:36,384 --> 02:07:37,952
on her freshly barbecued corpse
2883
02:07:37,985 --> 02:07:39,788
and husk-fucked
the charred remains
2884
02:07:39,823 --> 02:07:41,723
while gargling
Juggernaut's juggernuts.
2885
02:07:41,757 --> 02:07:43,357
- [Deadpool] Wow!
- And you can quote me.
2886
02:07:43,391 --> 02:07:44,827
[Deadpool] 'Kay.
2887
02:07:44,860 --> 02:07:46,293
Got you, fuckface.